Sally Harper quotes from Coupling

Not a word.

Sally

Maybe he's going to propose. You said you had a fantastic time last weekend. Maybe he's thinking, you know...

One swallow doesn't make a summer.

Sally

Maybe you should marry him.

It's not like that. It's very casual. It's really just sex with a fringe of conversation.

Sally

But what if he's your last ever man? What if you've used up your go's? Remember: every morning your face has slipped a little bit more. Since (age) 30, I have had to put a daily limit on facial expressions. I only ever smile at single men, so I can justify the loss of elasticity.

Is this how your mind works all the time?

Sally

The only reason I work is so I stop worrying about my hair.

And this from my beautician. Which reminds me; facial, Wednesday morning. Just don't count every time you find a wrinkle.

Sally

Do I do that out loud?

You've got a running total in my file. Sally, did it ever occur to you that age brings wisdom and greater confidence?

Sally

Susan, age bring you more to shave.

S1 E1 Flushed

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Sally

Mary Kelly does not fancy you!

I can tell from the way she acts around me. She finds me attractive.

Sally

Is there any form of female behavior you don't interpret as finding you attractive?

It's never really come up.

If you two are finished. I thought you wanted to speak to me.

Yeah, yeah, I do. [To Sally] Could you give us a minute? [Sally gets up to leave and then turns around]

Sally

Mary Kelly thinks you're a complete idiot.

Then why does she keep looking at my arse when we're talking?

Sally

She's lip-reading. [She leaves]

We need to talk.

Sure.

About out relationship. I'm just starting to think it's getting a bit hot and heavy. And we both need to back off and cool down. You know, maybe we should just both think about where everything's going and whether we're starting to commit more than we intend to or want to.

What relationship?

I can't believe you!

Well, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings! I just never saw it as a relationship as such. I just thought we were having a bit of fun, a bit of sex.

Well, yeah, I mean, that's what I thought. I mean, that's pretty much the way I see it.

Well, there you are then.

Yeah.

I mean, it's not as if we're being faithful or anything. Oops. I'm so sorry, I had no idea.

It's fine.

We were only seeing each other once a week. That's not exactly a sex life. You must have been doing a lot of solo flights.

No, I wasn't!

Oh, come on!

I certainly was not! I was saving it all up for you!

No, really? Oops. [Buries face in hand and collapses back on the couch] Look, I'm not saying it wasn't good. I'm just saying it didn't seem like a week's worth. [Patrick glances over] Oh, no, don't look like that! Not everyone has my level of sex drive! I mean, for a start, you're a bloke...

All right, all right, I wasn't going to say anything, but actually, I've been seeing someone else, too.

You've been cheating on me?

What?

Is this true, Patrick?

But you were cheating on me!

I wasn't cheating, I wasn't being faithful. You were being faithful. And that means, you were cheating. And I thought I knew you.

This is Patrick, This is Jeff who works in my office.

Hi, right, good to meet you. [Steve runs through the establishment with Jane in hand behind him]

So, how do you know Susan then? [Sally pops up from behind]

Sally

She just dumped him!

Oh, great.

Oh, sounds like my cue for a loo break. Excuse me a sec.

So, dumped and still here, eh? So, you're an unflushable. [Patrick coils back]

S1 E1 Flushed

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Sally

So, back on your own again, eh? Back out there?

You're smiling at me. I don't think I've ever seen that.

Sally

You're a single man, now. You qualify for my elasticity.

Is that as good as it sounds?

S1 E1 Flushed

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[Drunk]] It must be a lot easier being gay. Sex must be a piece of piss if you're gay.

HHoward

And why is that?

If you're gay, see... if you're gay, masturbation is practice. Y'know, you can have a good old practice on your own, and then later, when you're ready, when you've got the hang of it, you have a go on someone else's. It's a piece of piss.... See, it's different... it's different when you're a straight bloke. When we finally get our hands on the gear, let me tell you, it's not a drill. Gays have their own practice kit, but you don't get any practice women. We're supposed to fly those babies the first time we get in 'em!

HHoward

That's a very good point, actually.

Sally

No it's not, it's homophobic, you stupid queen!

Hello! There's no such thing as homophobia, just people-phobia!

S1 E2 Size Matters

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Sally

Patrick, what do you call people you go out with but don't try to sleep with?

Men?

S1 E2 Size Matters

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You can’t prevent death with face cream.

Sally

Yeah? That’s what everyone thinks, but no-one’s ever used it in the quantities I do.

S1 E3 Sex, Death and Nudity

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Sally

"Room in your cupboard for one more"? You said that?

Yeah. I really thought I'd gone to his house, you know, to "heal our spiritual divide," but it turns out I was just gagging for a shag. Those two are so similar!

S1 E6 The Cupboard of Patrick's Love

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You know the real way to tell if a man likes you? Have a drink with him, and if he puts his glass down really close to yours, that means he really likes you and something's definitely going to happen.

Sally

You know, I think Patrick does that. I think he does that glass thing.

Of course, as indicators go, an enormous erection's a bit more reliable.

S2 E4 The Melty Man Cometh

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I once went on holiday and pretended to be twins. It was amazing fun. I invented this mad, glamorous sister and went around really annoying everybody. And d'you know, I could get away with anything when I was my crazy twin Jane.

Sally

But you're Jane.

Kinda stuck. It's a long story.

S2 E9 The End of the Line

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[Asked by Sally if she wants to talk about her break-up with Steve] Okay... you know what's really getting me mad? My boyfriend... my fiance... the man who, against all my better judgment I actually love... chatted up a woman in a bar. And on the very same day – the very same day – I chatted up a man. Do you see? Do you get it? I'm equally at fault. How can I ever forgive him for that? But, of course, I'm not going to forgive him because... because men – and I don't mean to generalise – are CRAP! They're the human race's only failed gender! Who needs them? And why are they so difficult to keep hold of? Do you think they realise that, were it not for the genetic imperative to populate the earth, they wouldn't get a date? That's one hell of an inducement! "No pressure, girls, but shag one of these or it's curtains for all humankind!" That's harrassment! But you know what? Do you know what's even more crap than men? WE are more crap than men! All those stupid books you guys had and... and these magazines! A hundred pages of "Men are useless bastards" and an article on why you should wake them up with a blow job! Am I alone on spotting the inconsistency here? And these places [beauty parlours] 'cause, for God's sake, don't let them see what we really look like! Just let them enjoy the results; don't let them see how it all happens.

You know... I went out with Steve for six years...

No, you didn't. You went out with him for four years. I checked.

Oh... well it seemed longer.

Yeah! Yeah! Of course it seemed longer. I, myself, have been going out with him since the 12th century. Or possibly since last week; it's hard to keep track. Because how are you supposed to measure time with the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with? What would make sense? Centuries? Nanoseconds?

Sally

Eggs.

S3 E1 Split

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