Sally Harper quotes from Coupling

Susan

Need any help translating THAT one?

Sally

These are my ovaries

Susan

Please come inside.

Patrick

[On the phone to Jeff] Careful, Jeff, she's packin' ovaries!

Patrick

Sally, you need someone good enough for you. You don't want some mutton-headed city boy who spends all his time thinking about his cars and his golf clubs. You want somebody who can love you the way you deserve to be loved, the way I want you to be loved. Sally, you need someone who will love you forever, properly. You're my friend, Sally. I want to see you with the best. You need Mr. Amazing, Mr. Incredibly-Superbly-Fantastic...ness. In your heart, I'm sure you know I'm right.

Sally

I don't want Mr. Superbly-Incredibly-Fantasticness, you stupid, stupid arse. I want you.

Patrick

For God's sakes, Sally.

Sally

What? What?!

Patrick

I was talking about me!

Sally

I'm sor— You're Mr. Superbly, Incredibly Whatever?

Patrick

[Gesturing to self] Well, yes!

Sally

Look, when I said have a baby... I didn't mean, I just meant... socially!

Patrick

Socially?

Sally

To tea.

Patrick

Babies can't come round to tea, Sally. They're rubbish.

Susan

Don't say that!

Steve

Hormones!

Susan

Bollocks!

Patrick

Doesn't this all seem a little early?

Sally

Of course it's early, it's far too early! I don't want a baby yet! You gotta get a cat first, see if you're maternal.

Steve

You've already got a cat.

Sally

Well, I'll shave it! See if I still like it!

Steve

You went out and pulled a pregnant woman. What were you thinking?

Patrick

Oh, you know, "there's a nice, compact pregnancy, let's take it out for a spin."

Sally

She had a baby inside her, you insane filth!

Sally

[Singing] I'm Susan, the happy trotting elf! I trot and trot and bounce and bounce! I smile a lot and that's what counts! I'm Suuuusan! The happy, trotting, smile-a-lotting elf! I'm polite, so just for clarity, when I'm cross I say "apparent-LY!" I'm Suuuusan, the happy, trotting, smile-a-lotting--! [Falls off couch]

Susan

[Folds arms]

Sally

Did you sleep with Jane?

Patrick

All right, before I say anything that might inadvertently seem to confirm or deny that fact, yes I did. [Quickly realising what he has just said] Damn it!