“The End of the Line” quotes from Coupling

Jeff

You know what having a girlfriend is like? Having a girlfriend is like legalised sex.

Steve

Jeff, sex is legal. It always has been legal.

Jeff

You know what I mean, when I have sex with Julia, it's just so... realistic.

Jane

I once went on holiday and pretended to be twins. It was amazing fun. I invented this mad, glamorous sister and went around really annoying everybody. And d'you know, I could get away with anything when I was my crazy twin Jane.

Sally

But you're Jane.

Jane

Kinda stuck. It's a long story.

Patrick

Julia's pants... are they really tiny?

Jeff

You could accidentally swallow three whole pairs in one go!

Patrick

Jeff?

Jeff

Yeah?

Patrick

They spread.

Jeff

What?

Patrick

Pants. They spread, and grow.

Steve

Experts can determine the age of a relationship from pants spreadage alone.

Patrick

You start off with that sexy little thong...

Steve

And one day you're looking at the makings of a decent sized trampoline.

Jeff

[Scared]] It's not gonna be like that with me and Julia.

Steve

Jeff, Jeff. Before you know it, you'll be sitting on the sofa with Julia, she'll be wearing pants large enough to cover Switzerland, and you'll discover that you're unable to make the slightest movement without her asking, [high-pitched] "Where are you going?" Every time! "Where are you going?" She won't even know she's saying it! It's- it's like you've set off a motion sensor. And then, you'll notice that your house is covered in shoes. [Gets up and picks up a shoe] Shoes! Shoes everywhere! Why do they have so many shoes? Do they have extra feet we don't know about? Do they sprout rows of additional feet while we're asleep and gallop around the streets at night shouting [screeching] "WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

Steve

Uh... S-sorry. Dr-drifted a bit there.

Jeff

What's wrong?

Steve

Susan's slept with Australia!