Do you know what arses are, Patrick? Arses are the human race's favourite thing. We like them on each other, we like them on magazine covers, we even like them on babies! When it itches, we like to scratch them, when its cold, we like to warm them, and who among us, in a lonely moment hasn't reached back for a discreet fondle? When God gave us our arses he had to stick them round the back just so we wouldn't sit and stare at them all day. Cause when God made the arse he didn't say "Hey it's just your basic hinge, let's knock off early." He said "Behold ye angels, I have created the arse. Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these and shout my name!"
“Faithless” · Season 3, Episode 2
In this episode: Patrick Maitland (3), Steve Taylor (2), Sally Harper (2), Susan Walker (2), Jeff Murdock (1)
It is not scientifically possible for a man to know what a woman wants. And that's not fair! Because you always know what we want.
Yeah, because we always have the decency to only want one thing.
And do you ever thank us for making it so simple?
Never.
[On the phone to Jeff] We have our advisors online.
[Pointing at Susan and Sally] That's you two.
This is ridiculous! Why does he need us to translate for him? Women aren't a completely different species, you know.
[On the phone] Jeff, women AREN'T a completely different species.
He just needs to find out if it's a friendly drink or a date drink. He'll do friendly but he won't do date.
Why doesn't he know already?
Because he is Jeff, and there's no known cure.
Need any help translating THAT one?
These are my ovaries
Please come inside.
[On the phone to Jeff] Careful, Jeff, she's packin' ovaries!
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