Brent quotes from Corner Gas

Hank

To defeat a child, you gotta think like a child!

Brent

You are uniquely qualified.

Brent

[running from kids] I've had it with your stupid plans, Now it's time for my stupid plans.

Lacey

Mistletoe.

Brent

Hey, is that fake or real? Cause if that's real, it's probably my mom's.

Lacey

I better take it down.

Brent

Here, I'll get that.

Lacey

Are you sure?

Lacey

Brent, be careful.

Brent

I got it.

Emma

Same damn thing every year.

Emma

This one's broken. [referring to a toy that's in a community donation box]

Wanda

Let's sing Christmas carols.

Lacey

Who would give a broken toy to a needy child?

Karen

You mean a cheap child.

Oscar

It's one of those motor goats; his head's come off. [chuckles]

Wanda

I think if you look in the neck hole, you'll see there's a twenty in there.

Wanda

[singing] Joy to the world, the Lord has come …

Brent

[to Lacey] I can see what you mean about the weird stuff reminding you.

Lacey

Hank was right, my newspaper was late this morning.

Brent

Yeah, well, you can thank my dad. He's your eager 12-year-old.

Lacey

Really? Ha! That is so sweet. Sweet and a little bit sad. Mostly sad.

Brent

Yeah, we're all very proud.

Hank

All great artists overcome adversity.

Brent

Actually most of 'em go nuts, lop off an ear or two.

Hank

Lop off my ear!? Some help you are!

Hank

If only we had some kind of bionic eye that made things bigger.

Hank

(Adjusting the dials on the telescope that Brent's looking through). How's that?

Brent

I can read the ingredients on the chips. Oh wait now it looks blurry. (image clears showing a scowling Wanda). Now it looks angry.

Wanda

Wow, does that ever look like my telescope. Oh except this ones got two extra knobs.

Emma

That is a big jar.

Brent

Yeah, it's hard to believe it was once filled with pickled eggs.

Brent

Oh right. Like you two have never made a rash decision at a bulk food store.

Emma

So how many are there?

Karen

What? Jelly beans?

Emma

No, jars.

Karen

Well, there's only one.

Brent

Well, you two are off to a good start. I'll let you count these beans.

Lacey

Why did you blow up the tractor?

Hank

… Oscar told me to. He said Ce—. He said th-that don't bother trying to fix the tractor, Ce-Cecil told him, just blow it up.

Brent

Gilligan. Alright listen up everybody: Due to unforseen … Hank, we're not gonna be blowing up a barn.

Wanda

What's four times five?

19.

Oscar

21.

19.

Oscar

21.

19.

What's going on?

Wanda

I asked them what four times five is.

Isn't that 20?

Yeah, Fitzy's right.

Oscar

21.

19.

20.

Wanda

I was going to tell him he could lay down on the highway and discuss it with speeding traffic, but a blog ???

Hank

Yeah, a blog. That's short for weblog: Web 'cause its on the Internet, and … hmm.

Brent

'Cause it was originally written on wood?

Wanda

Well, why waste this on us when you could put it on the Internet and have the world ignore it?

Hank

Whole world, huh?

Brent

They're here, they're here! Oh man I'm as giddy as a...

Wanda

Ninny?

Brent

No.

Wanda

Boob?

Brent

Not quite more than ninny less than boob.

Wanda

Why are you so jacked up over a batch of windshield washer fluid?

Brent

Maybe this will answer your question.

Wanda

Aahhh, nope.

Brent

Well it's red! The old stuff was blue. We used to sell blue, now we're selling red.

Wanda

Wow, I hope we don't get trampled in the rush.

Wanda

And there goes Karen jogging.

Brent

Yeah yeah.

Wanda

Oh and there's Hank running right behind her.

Emma

You haven't lived until you've seen power tools cut a teenager in half.

Brent

I took shop class.

Oscar

Hi, I'm Oscar Leroy and my show is called 'Not Peggy's Stupid Pets!'

Brent

So, what's your show about?

Oscar

Well, I'll tell you what it's not about. It's not about Peggy. It's not about pets, and it's not stupid! Got that jackass?

Brent

Are there birds in here?

Wanda

It's the phone.

Brent

Are there birds in the phone?