Community · Season 2
What's this? What's going on?
It's a mixer.
Well why's everyone from Anthro class here? Are you guys picking a new study group member--and you didn't invite me?
We didn't know how to reach you.
What are you talking about? I'm everywhere.
We didn't know how to reach you.
That's not true. That's a lie.
[twitching] It's a mixer. We didn't know how to reach you. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer.
[Chang backs away]
Works every time.
Well, that answers my question. Jeff Winger is sexy even in a coffin.
Is Pierce marijuana, and does marijuana help people move faster? I thought it just made them custom paint vans and solve mysteries.
[as the study group plays D&D] And so it was that the group began to describe themselves walking, and as they described themselves walking so did Abed confirm they walked.
[to Britta] You are the AT&T of people.
An arrow flies through the air over Brutalitops. Goblins are running toward you from the treeline wielding daggers.
I attack them using my... additional notes.
It has no effect. Britta?
I wanna know why these goblins are attacking us. Maybe these woods are their rightful land, and from their perspective-
[everyone else groans]
You are the AT&T of people.
[Pierce forces his way into the game]
As the goblins retreat, you notice a naked sixty-seven year old man with no weapons lying in the grass shivering. His name is...
Pierce Hawthorne and I'm sixty-six, dick.
In about thirteen turns, he will die of exposure. Jeff?
I wait fourteen turns.
[Pierce targets Fat Neil's character, Ducayne]
Cast Shape Change on Ducayne.
What shape do you choose for him?
Faaaaaaaaaaaat.
Pierce, stop it!
Pierce!
Ducayne starts gaining weight. How much?
Make him as fat as Fat Neil.
Pierce!
[Neil starts to cry]
Oh, right, cry. Let it out. Baste your chubby cheeks in tears of gravy. You weren't crying when you were stealing my friends!
Mariah, my name is Abed Nadir. [indicating Troy] My associate, Troy Barnes.
Charmed, I'm sure.
Are you the guys who keep staring at me and intermittently yelling out "books"?
The very same. We're both interested in taking you to the Valentine's dance, but we are also best friends with each other.
It is of the utmost importance we protect that friendship from the stresses of courting you, so we're trying to be as direct and above-board about this as possible.
Will you go to the dance with one of us, and if so, which one?
We need to get something straight first: this is the cutest thing that's ever happened to me. [Abed and Troy high-five each other without taking their eyes off Mariah] But I don't know either one of you.
Give us a moment. [he and Troy confer in whispers] New proposal: get to know us at the dance and decide there which of us you'd like to see again.
Okay, deal.
Yesss.
[indicating what Troy is carrying] What's in the briefcase?
Oh, tacos. You want one?
No.
Great, we really wanted them.
Yeah, we're gonna eat them.
[referring to Page, Britta's supposedly lesbian friend] So, like, would you change clothes in front of her?
Annie, I know your lack of world experience creates curiosity, but questions like that can make you seem a little bit homophobic.
It's homophobic to ask questions?
If you have to ask if it's homophobic to ask questions, haven't you already answered your own question?
Have I?
Don't know. Not a homophobe.
[spots Page from a distance] Oh.
Oh, there's Page. Should I ask her 500 questions about being a lesbian? Or should I just treat her like a normal person? That's a question you can ask.
[Troy and Abed are trying to draw the attention of Mariah, a librarian they're both attracted to]
Hey, maybe if we're too loud she'll shush us.
[Troy nods in agreement]
[loudly] Books!
[Mariah looks at them]
[to Abed] Pretend like you're asleep.
[Both pretend to fall asleep]
Vengeance? Ha! I was never one to hold grudges, Jeffrey. My father held grudges. I'll always hate him for that.
I told Pierce a thousand times, I never wanted to meet LeVar in person! I just wanted a picture. You can't disappoint a picture! I hate you, Pierce!
[to Abed, who is filming the documentary] Don't you dare intercut this with footage of me freaking out!
[footage of Jeff freaking out while becoming increasingly distressed at the thought of meeting his estranged father is shown]
[while eating in the study room with Troy, he starts singing the opening of Reading Rainbow]
"Butterflies in the sky,
I can go twice as high,
Take a look,
It's in a book,
The Reading Rainbow!"
[Troy has a breakdown and runs away screaming]
Oh well, more fish for Kunta!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Community pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
