Oh, Shirley, I'm so sorry...
I'm going home, Britta...
I know, Shirley. I know...
No, seriously, I'm going home. Can you help me up?
Oh. Yeah, sure.
S1 E23Modern Warfare
S1 E24English as a Second Language
[Annie has betrayed the group]
Now she is going to make the Disney face: her lip is going to quiver and her eyes will flutter but they won't ever actually close but do not feel sorry for her!
Friends don't do what you did to us. Did the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants poison each other's food so they were too sick to leave? No! I've never seen it, but I'm pretty sure they MAILED EACH OTHER PANTS!
I said I was sorry!
Who cares if you're sorry; we're still screwed! Be sorry about this stuff before you do it, then DON'T DO IT!
Uh...I'm friends with Hannah too! The whole class is! And you can't have an exam without a class! Right, guys? We love Hannah! We love Hannah!
CClass
[chanting] We love Hannah! We love Hannah!
S1 E25Pascal's Triangle Revisited
I say things others won't; that has value.
[pulls out a roll of coins] Do you know what this is?
A roll of quarters?
Yeah, that's right! [punches Duncan]
[Fleeing the dance, Jeff runs into Annie outside]
I thought you left.
I couldn't go.
What happened?
I guess, as we were driving away, I finally started living in the moment and I realized that, in the moment, Greendale is where I belong. What are you doing out here?
Oh, you know, Britta and Slater told me they loved me.
Really?
Yeah.
What did you do?
I ran away. I don't know. It's hard. Slater makes me feel like I do when I write my New Year's resolutions. She makes me feel like the guy I want to be. And Britta makes me feel like the guy I am three weeks after the New Year's, when I'm back to hitting my snooze button and screening my Mom's phone calls. Back to who I really am. So do you try to evolve, or do you try to know what you are?
I don't know. I wish I could live two lives. One of me would go with Vaughn, one of me could stay here.
One of me could be back with Slater, and the other could try it with Britta. Then we could all get together for some weird foursome. Um, I guess I gotta go deal with it.
Good luck.
I'm glad you're staying.
S2 E1Anthropology 101
Guys, I got a confession to make. I took anthropology because I want to be a part of your study group. Now, I gotta do the honest thing and just ask. Is there any room in this pocket for a little spare Chang?
Look, we have the strength to survive anything. What's the worst that can happen with Chang?
. . .
[growling] I told you they hate you. [chuckles; then, normally] No! They just said they needed more time! [menacingly] Time? They destroyed your life! How much time before we take revenge? [normally] But they're my friends! [menacingly] I'm your only friend! [normally] No! [menacingly, lifting his hands into the air] Ha ha ha! [normally] No!! [menacingly] Ah ha ha ha! [normally] Nooooo!
I'll show you the tool that's most important to our survival, but fair warning: it's my penis.
[answering a question by Professor Bauer] It was a trick question. The tool most important for humanity survival wasn't any of the nine in the box.
BProfessor Bauer
Go on.
The most important tool is respect.
Ha! Gayyyyyy!
S2 E2Accounting for Lawyers
[Annie, Troy, and Abed are about to break into an office]
Annie, go back and keep lookout.
Wait, why me lookout; why not you guys?
'Cause if someone comes up here Kanye and Kumar get taken to jail; you get taken to dinner.
[flouncing energetically] You guys! I'm the smartest one in this group and all I've been used for is bait and distraction! [notices that the others are looking at her chest] Ugh! Go on your stupid mission; I hope it sucks. [leaves]
What did she say?
I don't know.
All I heard was "suck".
[excitedly] Guys, guys, do you know I actually have a civil case against that bitch that stole my husband?
Shirley, don't sue a stripper.
Why not?
She's a stripper: life sued her, and she lost.
Hey guys, one of those guys just told me that there's an island in Indonesia where you can hunt other guys! I'm booking a trip for August!
Britta, you're not whore. Shirley, you're not going to sue a woman for stealing your husband, and Pierce, do I even need to say it? It is bad to hunt man for sport!
Badass!
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