Diane Chambers quotes from Cheers

Diane

I sold out womankind for a trip to Bermuda.

Sam

Come on, don't feel so bad. Most people would have done it for the dry cleaning.

Sam

You're in a pretty good mood tonight.

Diane

Why not? Last night I was up till two in the morning finishing off Kierkegaard.

Sam

I hope he thanked you for it.

Sam

Listen I think you and Derek will make a great match.

Diane

Really?

Sam

Yeah, you both think you're perfect and one of you is right.

Diane

Coach, do you think I'm a smart person?

Coach

You're the smartest person I ever met.

Diane

Well, I, Diane Chambers, bred and educated to walk with kings, once offered a full scholarship to the Sorbonne, have allowed myself to become attracted to a six foot three inch bubble gum card.

Coach

Well gee, I think I can help you out with the sore buns Diane, but...the rest of what you say is all over my head!

Sam

You are the nuttiest, the stupidest, the phoniest fruitcake I ever met!

Diane

You, Sam Malone, are the most arrogant, self-centered son-of-a--

Sam

Shut up! Shut your fat mouth!

Diane

Make me!

Sam

Make you?... My God I'm, I'm gonna... I'm gonna bounce you off every wall in this office!

Diane

Try it and you'll be walking funny tomorrow... or should I say funnier?

Sam

You know... you know I always wanted to pop you one! Maybe this is my lucky day, huh?

Diane

You disgust me! I hate you!

Sam

Are you as turned on as I am?

Diane

More!

Sam

Bet me. [They kiss, fade to black]

Sam

Now I'm going to nibble on your ear.

Diane

Don't tell me you're going to nibble on my ear...

Diane

You've been with a lot of women.

Sam

No, I have not. There have not been that many women. I just exaggerated here in the bar. There have not been that many.

Diane

How many have there been?

Sam

Oh, I don't know. Maybe four hun-- [Diane gasps] Honeys. Honeys. Four honeys.

Diane

Help, this psycho is trying to kill me!

Coach

That's the only line from Shakespeare I ever understood!

Diane

You didn't shave.

Sam

Oh no no. I needed a new place to scratch.

Diane

Coach has lost his sweet disposition. he's turned into a tyrant.

Sam

Yeah, but he's winning Diane and winning is the most important thing here.

Diane

Well, I don't think winning is the most important thing here.

Sam

Well good then, you won't mind losing this argument.

Diane

Over my dead body.

Sam

Hey, don't bring last night into this.

Sam

Somebody wants you at another table.

Diane

Who?

Sam

Everybody at this one.

Diane

This is Heather Landon, my oldest friend.

Carla

Meet her this morning?

Sam

This isn't an IOU. It's a bunch of writing I don't understand. That's what this is.

Diane

Is it in a foreign tongue, Sam?

Sam

No, it's English.

Diane

In your case that qualifies.

Diane

I thought you were seeing someone.

Carla

His fingerprints grew back. He had to leave the country.

Diane

Coach, come on. You have to find a way to put this behind you. Angela and T-Bone are both in heaven now.

Norm

Let's hope he's not hitting on her up there.

Carla

Just so we can follow the fun, what's this fight about?

Diane

We're not fighting, Carla. We're merely discussing a little difference of opinion. Vodka rocks, two. I think Sam is a heartless mindless slack-jawed cretin and he disagrees.