Diane Chambers quotes from Cheers

Sam

[about being named one of the sexiest bachelors] Besides it gave me a chance to air some of my political issues.

Diane

What political issues did you air your views on?

Sam

I told them I thought nuclear war would be bad news.

Diane

Oh Sam, you stirred up a hornet's nest there.

Sam

Really? Well I can always say I was misquoted.

Diane

Oh, I see when they say eligible bachelors they mean eligible for a brain transplant.

That's the face I've been looking for.

Diane

Sorry, I'm still using it. I could let you visit it on weekends.

Diane

Oh my God Sam, I've made you a babbling idiot.

Sam

Who are you calling a babbling idiot?

Diane

You don't have to get upset. I'm actually criticizing myself.

Sam

You just called me a babbling idiot and you're criticizing yourself? Do me a favor let me criticize me for awhile. You're sickening.

Diane

Do you know the difference between you and a fat, braying ass?

Sam

Nope.

Diane

The fat, braying ass would.

Sam

Speaking of fat, braying asses, you're about to get dumped on yours.

Diane

How dare you slap me!

Diane

Don't you ever hit me again!

Sam

Like hell.

Sam

I didn't start drinking when she left, I was celebrating. [to Diane] Celebrating the day I got rid of you. You hear that everybody?

Celebrating.

Diane

Well let me tell you something, Sam. I have two birthdays now. One to mark the occasion when my mother bore me and one to commemorate my glorious rebirth when I walked out of here.

Sam

Just one more time: you did not walk out of here. I kicked you out and I would do it again except that no man deserves that much pleasure in one's life.

Diane

Oh Frasier, I think I'm going to come back to work here.

Frasier

What?! No no no no no no. Listen as Frasier Crane M.D. I don't think that's a good idea for the two of you. And as Frasier Crane Man I don't think it's a good idea for the three of us.

Sam

I could get out of prison after twelve years, serve on an all male ship for another four and be dropped on a desert island for another three eating nothing but raw oysters day after day and if one day Diane walked out of the surf naked, all I'd want from her is the hockey scores.

Diane

And you wouldn't even get that!

Sam

Is there anything I can do?

Diane

No. This problem is strictly between myself and Frasier Crane. Suffice to say, he insists on making mountains out of molehills.

Carla

He wants you to wear a padded bra?

Diane

I haven't had such a good time since uh....

Sam

That's okay. I know when you stopped having a good time, Diane.

Diane

It goes without saying I would have had a better time if I had gone with Frasier.

Sam

Me too.

Diane

It's nice to know you draw the line somewhere.

Sam

There are three types of women I don't get involved with: married, underaged and comatose.

Norm

[to Cliff] He's added one.

Sam

Coach, I'm gonna be blunt with you. Her friend's cute and all that, but she doesn't have what I'm lookin' for in a woman.

Diane

What's that? Break-away clothes?

Sam

I just wonder if this whole so-called allergy thing might not be psychosomatic.

Diane

Sam, I'm very impressed. That's a complex psychological concept coming from a man who who has to write "L" and "R" on the bottom of his shoes.

Sam

Isn't it interesting that I automatically spring to mind?

Diane

No. You automatically spring to mind whenever I hear something stupid.

Diane

[about Carla] She should be over this by now. It's been weeks. I've robbed her of her zest for life.

Sam

You do have that effect on people.

Diane

[about Amanda] Maybe I'm being an alarmist. She wouldn't be out if she still had problems.

Carla

You're out.