Norm Peterson quotes from Cheers

Norm

[Rebecca's] taken to replacing the beer nuts to these little candy hearts that say "Hold me," "I'm yours," "Lovey dovey." Hey "Free beer."

Woody

Oh no Mr. Peterson, you fooled me once.

Norm

Well I have to say the mechanical bull is like the most useless thing put in a bar.

Cliff

Now, Norm.

Norm

Present company excepted.

Frasier

All right now, everyone pay attention. I have an announcement to make and I only have a minute.

Norm

Why? You're in a hurry?

Frasier

No, I was referring to your relatively short attention spans.

Frasier

You know it just isn't fair. I came because I wanted to be one of the guys and all I'm doing is sitting on my duff watching other people do things.

Norm

Welcome to NormWorld. Keep your hands inside the car at all times.

Woody

So, tonight, when I got out in front of that audience, I ripped off every stitch of clothing. I looked around and I thought, "Why am I the only one who's naked?"

Sam

Well, maybe nobody noticed, Wood.

Frasier

Oh, they noticed, Sam.

Woody

As if that wasn't bad enough, I heard this high-pitched scream from the audience, "Hey, look! He's the only one who's naked!"

Norm

Sorry, Woody. It took me by surprise.

Sam

What are you up to Norm?

Norm

My ideal weight if I were 11 feet tall.

Woody

Nice cold beer coming up, Mr. Peterson.

Norm

You mean nice cold beer going down Mr. Peterson.

Carla

Sorry. No suds tonight, Norm. You are still our designated driver, remember?

Norm

I know that. You know that. But did you have to call every bar in town and tell them?

Woody

[Terri] sounds like the perfect roommate. But I don't know. The thought of having a girl for a roommate, well I've got a real problem with that.

Norm

Your girlfriend wouldn't understand, huh?

Woody

Now I've got two problem.

Sam

I get it. Your mom would disapprove.

Woody

Make that three problems.

Frasier

What? Do you have religious scruples?

Woody

Oh great four problems.

Sam

What was your original problem?

Woody

Well I like to sit on the couch and leave the top button of my pants undone after a good frozen meal.

Woody

I don't think Kelly would mind. If I'm not sleeping with her why would I be sleeping with somebody else?

Carla

Wait a minute. You've been going out with Kelly for over a year and you're not sleepin' with her?

Woody

Of course not. That's the sort of this you wait to do after you're married. Right, Mr. Peterson?

Norm

Well you keep believing that, Woody.

Norm

Well I guess I better go call Vera back.

Cliff

What are you talking about? She didn't call.

Norm

Yes, she did. Yesterday. Something about a flat tire, interstate. What the hell's the number of that call box?

Rebecca

I love [Robin] and I'm just about ready to lose him. Have you ever thought what it would be like to be without Vera for 20 years?

Norm

Oh my God.

Rebecca

See you'd miss Vera.

Norm

I thought you said beer.

Carla

Wait a minute, Sammy. Look. Rebecca just said she was leaving here and never coming back.

Sam

Yeah.

Carla

Oh man, this is terrible.

Frasier

What?

Carla

Sammy finally struck out for real.

Sam

What are you talking about here?

Carla

We all knew it was taking a long time but we thought that eventually you two would be doing the horizontal hokey pokey.

Norm

I guess that's it, huh? Lower the flag.

Carla

It's the end of an era.

Sam

Yup, I guess that's it.

Frasier

I've just been feeling a bit edgy these days.

Woody

Why's that Dr. Crane?

Frasier

Lilith in her own compulsive little way made the mistake of asking me if I thought she looked fat.

Norm

And what did you say?

Frasier

I told her she looked just fine.

Norm

Rookie mistake. So what kind of punishment are you getting?

Frasier

I'm not getting any.

Norm

Oh you got off easy.

Frasier

No, I'm not getting any.

Norm

No, you're getting off easy.

Rebecca

It doesn't mean I will never see you guys. I can still come in as a customer. Of course with work and all I can't stay for 10 to 12 hours at a stretch like you guys.

Norm

That's okay. You can be in the part timers club. They sit over there.

Cliff

And when you're ready to commit you'll let us know.

Norm

Yeah like Phil there. He's right on the verge.