Well, if this guy wants to fight with weapons, I've got it covered from A to Z -- from 'axe' to... 'zee other axe'.
S5The Replacement
AAnya
Well maybe we shouldn't do this re-integration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home and we can all have sex together, and then, you know, just slap 'em back together in the morning.
CXCool Xander
She's joking.
LXLoser Xander
No she's not! She entirely wants to have sex with us together, which is wrong and... and it would be very confusing.
We just need to arrange the candles; also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk.
Check. Candles and pretense.
...
AAnya
Well, what do we do if it doesn't work?
BXBoth Xanders
[simultaneously] Kill us both, Spock! [both laugh]
They're... kinda the same now.
Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.
[Xander is moving out of the basement.]
I just thought you could help carry a little.
AAnya
Me? [pouts] Buffy has super-strength. Why don't we just load her up, like one of those little horses?
Anya. Please.
AAnya
Fine. I'm just your slave.
S5Out of My Mind
Spike, I just saw you taste your own nose blood. You know what? I'm too grossed out to hear anything you have to say. Go home.
It's blood. It's what I do!
I will know your blood, Slayer. I will make your neck my chalice... and drink deep. [turns around and falls into an open grave] Ow!
I so don't want to deal with Spike right now. The guy is really starting to bug me in that special "I want to shove something wooden through his heart" kind of way.
Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn she's there! That nasty little face, that bouncing shampoo-commercial hair, that whole sodding holier-than-thou attitude.
Well, aren't we unholy by definition?
She follows me, you know, tracks me down. I'm her pet project. Drive Spike around the bend. Makes every day a fresh bout o' torture! [Spike throws a lapid and break it]
Spike?!
DDoctor
[To Harmony] You can't smoke in here
[Holding a Crossbow] Oh yeah, says who? [Doctor points to a "No Smoking" sign] Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign.
S5No Place Like Home
BVBig Vampire
I've always wanted to kill the Slayer.
And I've always wanted piano lessons. So really... who's surprised we've got this unexpressed rage? But honestly, I think I express mine better. Tell you what... you find yourself a good anger management class, and I'll jam this pokey wood stick through your heart.
[pulls a glowing orb out of her bag] What the hell is it?
It appears to be paranormal in origin.
How can you tell?
Well, it's so shiny.
AAnya
[to a customer who just finished her purchase] Please go.
Anya, the Shopkeepers Union of America called. They wanted me to tell you that "Please go" just got replaced with "Have a nice day."
AAnya
But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?
No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace it.
What are you doing here? [Spike begins to answer] Five words or less.
[Pauses, then, counting on his fingers] Out... for... a... walk... bitch.
Out for a walk by my house at night. I don't have time for this, William.
On your merry way, then. Contrary to one's self involved world view, your house happens to be directly between... parts and... other parts of this town. And I would pass by in the day but I feel I'm outgrowing my burst into flames phase.
Fine. Keep going. I'll cut you a break.
Let me guess. You won't kill me. The whole crowd pleasing threats and swagger routine. Outstandingly original. You know, I was just passing through. Satisfied? I hope so because God knows you need some satisfaction in your life besides shagging Captain Cardboard. And... and I never really liked you anyway. And... and you have stupid hair.
And another thing I just want you to know, this whole "beat you to death" thing I'm doing? This is valuable time out of life I'm never gonna get back.
...
Wait, I've always wanted to try this. You know that thing with worms, where if you have one and you rip it in half, you get two worms. Do you think that'll work with you? [Buffy headbutts her] Ow! You hit me. What are you crazy? You can't go around hitting people. What were you, born in a barn? Fine, be that way! [grabs Buffy by the throat] I just noticed something, you have superpowers, that is so cool. Can you fly? [throws Buffy across the room]
S5Family
Well, this earns you a big favor. There could be outfits.
You learn her source [grins] and, uh, we'll introduce her to her insect reflection.
[Everyone stares in confusion. Tara stops smiling.]
Um, that-that was funny if you, um, studied Taglarin mythic rites... [quietly] and are a complete dork.
Oh, then how come Xander didn't laugh?
I don't know that Taglarin stuff.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.