Buffy the Vampire Slayer · Season 5
You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid.
Well, we don't really know what kind of things witches like. What, are we gonna get her some cheesy crystal ball?
You bloody well better not. I've got mine already wrapped.
You want her, Mr. Maclay? You can go ahead and take her. You just gotta go through me.
What?
You heard me! You wanna take Tara out of here against her will? You gotta come through me.
And me!
Is this a joke? I'm not gonna be threatened by two little girls!
You don't wanna mess with us.
She's a hair-puller.
And you're not just dealing with two little girls.
You're dealing with all of us.
[Holds up hand] Except me.
Except Spike.
I don't care what happens.
This is insane. You people have no right to interfere with Tara's affairs. We are her blood kin! Who the hell are you?
We're family.
[re: Riley's commando hand movements] What's with the hand move? D'you see that? Does that, like, mean somethin'?
It's code. I think it breaks down to "choo-choo." [mimics pulling a train whistle]
It probably means to follow him. That, or wait here for him.
Hey Riley! What's the [Mimics gesture] all about?
It means yell real loud, so the vampires who don't know we're coming will have a sporting chance.
Look, I realize that every Slayer comes with an expiration mark on the package. But I want mine to be a long time from now. Like a Cheeto. If there were just a few good descriptions of what took out the other Slayers, maybe it would help me to understand my mistake, to keep it from happening again.
Giles [uncomfortable with the topic]: Yes, well, the problem is after a final battle, it's difficult to get any... well, the Slayer's not... she's rather...
It's OK to use the D-word, Giles.
Dead. And hence, not very forthcoming.
Why didn't the Watchers keep fuller accounts of it? The journals just stop.
Well, I suppose if they're anything like me they just find the whole subject too--
Unseemly? Damn, love ya, but you Watchers are such prigs sometimes.
Painful, I was going to say. [Giles and Buffy are very quiet for a moment] But you're right; accounts of the final battles would be very helpful. But there's no one left to tell the tales.
[Buffy has a sudden revelation]
What?
Lesson the first: a Slayer must always reach for her weapon. [morphs into vampire face] I've already got mine.
How many of my kind do you think you've done?
Not enough.
Mm-hmm. And we just keep comin'. But you can kill a hundred, a thousand, a thousand thousand and the armies of Hell besides, and all we need is for one of us, just one, sooner or later, to have the thing we're all hoping for.
And that would be what?
[whispers in her ear] One... good... day.
The first was all business, but the second -- she had a touch of your style. She was cunning, resourceful... oh, did I mention? Hot. I could have danced all night with that one.
You think we're dancing?
That's all we've ever done. And the thing about the dance is, you never get to stop. Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: "Is today the day I die?" Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp. That look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know: "What's it like? Where does it lead you?" And now, you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw, or the kicks you didn't land. She merely wanted it. Every Slayer... has a death wish.
[in a flashback, Spike snaps Nikki's neck]
Even you. The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world...your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies. They all tie you here, but you're just putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second- the second - that happens...You know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day. Here endeth the lesson. I just wonder if you'll like it as much as she did.
Am I right, Giles?
I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening.
I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter... Which really just goes to show how much I've grown!
[Anya is looking over the day's receipts]
Hey. Hey! HEY! HEY!!!
Anya, your "heys" are startling the customers.
And pretty much the state!
You sold somebody a Kohl's amulet and a Sobekian bloodstone!
Yes, I believe I did.
Are you stupid or something?
Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
She's kidding. An, we talked about the employee-employer vocabulary no-nos. That was number five.
Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers.
Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.
Okay, how 'bout this one. Twice in recent memory, she's had the lover-wiccas do a deinvite on the house. Keep out specific vamps. Ever ask yourself why she's never taken my name off the guest list?
Because you're harmless.
Oh yeah, right. Takes one to know, I suppose. Least I still got the attitude. What do you got, a piercing glance? Face it, white bread. Buffy's got a type, and you're not it. She likes us dangerous, rough, occasionally bumpy in the forehead region. Not that she doesn't like you ... but sorry Charlie, you're just not dark enough.
Joyce, there's no reason to get upset.
No reason to get upset? Oh, right, sorry, I must just think there is because of my brain tumor!
I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster.
Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space... I did not just say that.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
