TV show quotes
Spike, finish the story you were telling my little sister.
Right, so I knew the little girl was in the coal bin so I ripped it open very violently... and gave her to a nice family where they were never ever mean to her and didn't lock her in a coal bin.
What... is this? The late-night stakeout, the bogus suspects, the flask? Is this a date?
A d-Please! A date? You are completely off your bird! I mean... do you want it to be?
Spike, the only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious
Who is-? Oh wait, I get it. Our little sex game was just the beginning, now you've gone and picked up some cheap queen of the damned to dress up like your precious Drudzilla.
Harm-
You'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking, because my answer is the same as always. No threesomes unless it's boy, boy, girl, or Charlize Theron.
Harm, you moron, this is Drusilla.
You have got some nerve coming back here after breaking my Boo-Boo's heart.
[Mouths to Spike] Boo-Boo?
Oh, what...Ohh! Gaaah! What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why... do you bitches torture me?
Which question do you want me to answer first?
You can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or feels.
Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "Woof! That's the one for me!"
Well, I-I go online sometimes, but... everyone's spelling is really bad. It's... depressing.
I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me.
A fourteen-year-old is too old to be babysat, it's not fair to her.
What'd she make you do?
Well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance, and we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.
[laughs] Oh, I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my fun-time Buffy party night involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window. So if you wanna trade... No wait, I wouldn't give that memory up for anything.
Robot? Sounds interesting.
We're gonna work on it in the morning, I mean, unless you want to stay for a while, and then you and I could-
Who wants to hear everything?
...listen to my Mom talk about boys.
Right. Must go. See you tomorrow. Bye Joyce.
Bye Rupert.
[recounting her date with Brian] Gosh, I'd forgotten how much fun dating can be.
I dunno, I was standing right here. I didn't see Prince Charming. I didn't even see a goodnight kiss. It all looked pretty tame to me.
Well, I suppose by your standards it would seem pretty... Oh, dear.
What?
I left my bra in his car.
[appalled] Mother!
I'm joking.
Good God, that's horrible. Don't do that.
[playfully] I left it in the restaurant.
[running upstairs, hands over her ears] No more! No more! No more!
[calling upstairs] On the dessert cart!
[faintly, off screen] I can't hear you!
Maybe I could change. You know, I could, I could work harder. I could spend less time slaying, I could laugh at his jokes - I mean, men like that, right, the, the joke-laughing-at?
Or maybe you could just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing heart, and he'll fall in love with you.
I think we're just about ready for pie.
And then I'll be pretty much ready for barf.
Xander!
Gross.
You know, barf from the eating. 'Cause all was good and too much goodness.
I'm taking it as a compliment.
Yes, everything was delicious.
Yes. I'm going to barf, too.
Everyone's so sweet.
How you doin' there, Will? Are you in the vomit club, too?
[groans] I had too much nog.
Oh, baby. Want me to rub your tummy? She likes it when I... uh, s-stop explaining things.
My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.
That's... bad.
Yeah! Now Santa's gonna pass you right by! Naughty boozehound.
Santa always passes me by. Something puts him off. Could be the big honkin' menorah.
...
I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus.
The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend. Inside scoop.
There's a Santa Claus?
Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. But he wasn't always called Santa. But with, you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney -- all true.
All true?
Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disembowel children. But otherwise...
The reindeer part was nice.
She's cold.
The body is cold?
No, my mom!
[Willow is searching for something to wear]
Have you seen the blue one? Joyce liked the blue one.
I can check the Laundry room again if you want.
What about Purple? What does Purple mean?
I think Purple means royal.
I can't be Royal when I'm at the hospital. "Oh look at me I'm Queen of everything". [Crying] I have to go see Buffy and be supportive. Why do all my clothes have stupid things on them? Why can't I dress like a grown up? Can't I be a grown up?
Shh, darling. [Kissing her on the head]
Tara, I can't do this.
[Tara and Willow kiss]
We can do this.
We can be there for Buffy and Dawn.
We can be strong.
Strong like an Amazon?
[Laughs] Like an Amazon.
I wish I had the blue.
Are they gonna cut the body open?
Oh my God! Would you just... s-stop talking? Just... shut your mouth! Please!
What am I doing?
How can you act like that?
Am I supposed to be changing my clothes a lot? I-is that the helpful thing to do?
Guys--
The way you behave--
Nobody will tell me.
Because it's not okay for you to be asking these things!
But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I knew her, and then she's-- there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead... anymore! It's stupid! It's mortal and stupid! And... and Xander's crying and not talking, and... and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn, or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why! [She begins to cry.]
[long pause] We don't know. How it works. Why.
I'll tell you what it is is. It's the frickin' doctors. I mean, they just let her out, clean bill of health. Dig a hole in your skull, here's a band aid, next. They should have checked her over, kept her in. We don't got enough monsters in this town, the doctors gotta help them out?
Xander, it just happened.
[Nearly crying] Things don't happen. I mean they don't just happen. Somebody's gotta...
I can stay in town as long as you want me.
How's forever? Does forever work for you?
...
I'm worried about tomorrow.
What's tomorrow?
That's exactly what I don't know.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
