Faith Lehane quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Angel

You can't imagine the price for true evil.

Faith

Yeah? I hope evil takes MasterCard.

Faith

You sent your boy to kill me.

Mayor Wilkins

That's right, I did.

Faith

He's dust.

Mayor Wilkins

I thought he might be, what with you standing here and all.

Faith

I guess that means you have a job opening.

Faith

Give me the speech again, please. "Faith, we're still your friends. We can help you. It's not too late."

Willow

It's way too late. You know, it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo! Poor you! You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends in your life like Buffy. Now you have no one. You were a slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big, selfish, worthless waste.

Faith

You hurt me, I hurt you. I'm just a little more efficient.

Willow

[stands up] Aw, and here I just thought you didn't have a comeback.

Buffy

Thought I'd stop by.

Faith

Is he dead yet?

Buffy

He's not gonna die. It was a good try though. Your plan?

Faith

Uh-huh. Mayor got me the poison. He said it was wicked painful.

Buffy

There's a cure.

Faith

Damn. What is it?

Buffy

Your blood. As justice goes, it's not unpoetic, don't you think?

Faith

Come to get me? You gonna feed me to Angel? You know you're not gonna take me alive.

Buffy

Not a problem.

Faith

Well, look at you, all dressed up in big sister's clothes.

Buffy

You told me I was just like you. That I was holding it in.

Faith

Ready to cut loose?

Buffy

Try me.

Faith

Okay then. Give us a kiss.

Faith

You're not getting tired, are you? I'm just starting to feel it.

Buffy

Stick around.

Buffy

What's the matter, all that killing and you're afraid to die?

Faith

That's mine.

Buffy

You're about to get it back.

Faith

[panting] Man, I'm gonna miss this. [Buffy stabs Faith] [weakly] You did it. [Faith punches Buffy and panting] You killed me. Still won't help your boy, though. Should've been there, B. Quite a ride.

Buffy

Who's gonna look after him?

Faith

It's a she. And aren't these things supposed to take care of themselves?

Buffy

A higher power guiding us?

Faith

Pretty sure that's not what I meant.

Buffy

There's something I'm supposed to be doing.

Faith

Oh, yeah. Miles to go. Little Miss Muffet counting down from 7-3-0.

Buffy

Great. Riddles.

Faith

Sorry. It's my head. A lot of new stuff. They're never gonna fix this, are they?

Buffy

What about you?

Faith

Scar tissue. It fades. It all fades. You want to know the deal? Human weakness. It never goes away. Even his.

Buffy

Is this your mind or mine?

Faith

Beats me. Getting towards that time.

Buffy

How are you gonna fit all this stuff?

Faith

Not gonna. It's yours.

Buffy

Oh, I can't use all of this.

Faith

Just take what you need. You ready?

Faith

Are you serious about this place?

Mayor Wilkins

Of course I am. No Slayer of mine is gonna live in a fleabag hotel. That place has a very unsavory reputation. There are immoral liaisons going on there.

Faith

Yeah, plus all the screwing. This place is the kick.

Mayor Wilkins

We'll keep your old place, in case you need to see your friends there, but from now on... Oh, hey, hey, hey. Shoes, shoes.

Faith

Thanks, Sugar Daddy.

Mayor Wilkins

Now, Faith, I don't find that sort of thing amusing. I'm a family man. Now, let's kill your little friend. Don't worry. I wouldn't ask you to do it. Not this early in the relationship. Besides, I think a vampire attack would less suspicious, anyway. In the meantime, let's take a look at the rest of the apartment, huh? If I'm not mistaken, some lucky girl has herself a PlayStation.

Faith

No way.

Mayor Wilkins

Yes way. [chuckles]

Buffy

I've been looking for you.

Faith

Been standin' still for eight months, B, how hard you look?

Buffy

Faith, these are innocent people.

Faith

No such animal.

Faith

I kept having this dream; I'm not sure what it means. But in the dream, this self-righteous blonde chick stabs me, and you want to know why?

Buffy

You had it coming.

Faith

That's one interpretation, but in my dream she does it for a guy. [Willow starts to sneak up behind Faith and is about to hit her with her backpack] Try it, Red, and you lose an arm. [Willow backs off] I wake up to find that this blonde chick isn't even dating the guy she was so nuts about. I mean, she's moved on to the first college beef stick she meets. And not only has she forgotten about the love of her life, she's forgot about the chick she nearly killed for him. So that's my dream... that and some stuff about cigars and tunnel. But, uh, tell me college girl, what does it mean?

Buffy

To me? Mostly that you still mouth off about things you don't understand. [Police sirens are heard] Uh oh, I guess somebody knows you're here [Faith hits Buffy]

Joyce

You don't know the first thing about Buffy. Or me.

Faith

Don't I? I know what it's like. You think you matter. You think you're a part of something and you get dumped. It's like the whole world is moving but you're stuck. Like those animals in the tar pits. It's like you just keep sinking a little deeper everyday and nobody even sees.

Joyce

[sounding bored] Were you planning to slit my throat anytime soon?

Faith

Don't tell me you don't see it, Joyce. You served your purpose. You squirted out the kid, raised her up, and now you might as well be dead! I mean, nobody cares! Nobody remembers! Especially not Buffy-fabulous-super-hero! Sooner or later you're gonna have to face it. She was over us a long time ago, Joyce. [voice rising to a shout] Too busy climbing onto her new boy toy to give a single thought to the people that matter! I mean, you're her mother and she just leaves you here to die!

Buffy

[Dives in through the window, punches Faith] Hi, Mom!

Joyce

Hi, honey.

Willow

What did you tell him?

Buffy

The truth, that she's my wacky identical cousin from England and whenever she visits, hijinks ensue.

Willow

It's good you guys have such an honest relationship.

Buffy

No, I told him the story. I vagued-up a few bits but no flat-out lies.

Willow

That's fair. How'd you handle the Angel-y parts?

Buffy

I did some editing. It's not that I'm trying to hide anything from Riley. It's... just that that's a longer conversation, and, I had a Faith hunt to do.

Willow

Any luck?

Buffy

Couldn't find her. Don't know exactly where to place that in the luck continuum.

Willow

At least you're not alone on this. I'll bet every cop in Sunnydale is out there looking for her right now.

Buffy

Pressure's definitely high. I'll tell you, if I were her, I'd get out of Dodge post-hasty.

Faith

You're not me.

Faith

So, check you out, B. Nice. The "big girl on campus" thing's really working for you.

Buffy

I've been looking for you.

Faith

I've been standing still for eight months, B. How hard you look?

Buffy

Are you all right?

Faith

Five by five. That's the thing about a coma-- you wake up all rested and rejuvenated, and ready for payback.

Buffy

So much for pleasantries, huh?

Faith

What'd you think, I'd wake up and we'd go for tea? You tried to gut me, Blondie.

Buffy

You'd have done the same to me if you'd had the chance.

Faith

So let's have another go at it, see who lands on top.

Buffy

It doesn't have to be like this, you know.

Faith

Actually, I think it has to be exactly like this.

Buffy

Faith, these are innocent people.

Faith

No such animal.

Buffy

I guess it was too much to hope that you'd use your downtime to reflect and grow.

Faith

Could say the same about you. I mean, you're still the same old "better than thou" Buffy. I mean, I knew it somehow. I kept having this dream. I'm not sure what it means, but in the dream, this self-righteous blonde chick stabs me. And you want to know why?

Buffy

You had it coming.

Faith

That's one interpretation. But in my dream, she does it for a guy. [Willow starts to sneak up behind Faith and is about to hit her with her backpack] Try it, Red, and you lose an arm. [Willow backs off] I wake up to find that this blonde chick isn't even dating the guy she was so nuts about before. I mean, she's moved on to the first college beefstick she meets. And not only has she forgotten about the love of her life, she's forgotten all about the chick she nearly killed for him. So that's my dream. That and some stuff about cigars and a tunnel. But, uh, tell me, college girl, what does it mean?

Buffy

To me? Mostly, that you still mouth off about things you don't understand. [Police sirens are heard] Uh-oh, I guess somebody knows you're here. [Faith hits Buffy]

Break it up!

Faith

You took my life, B. Payback's a bitch.

Willow

Look who's talking.

Faith

See you around.

Faith

[clicks tongue] Ruby Sunset. Burgundy Skyline? Harlot. Mmm. Way to go, Joyce. Now, normally, I wouldn't be going with a color this dark, but I read in some magazine eight months in a coma will damage a girl's natural skin tone. Good thing pale is in this year. Or was it last year? [kisses] Anyway, for real now, I'm gonna ask you something, and you got to promise you'll be honest and not spare my feelings just 'cause I could kill you. You promise?

Joyce

I promise.

Faith

Okay. How do I look?

Joyce

Psychotic.

Faith

Hmm. I was shooting for sultry, but, hey... Bet I know what you're thinking.

Joyce

Really?

Faith

You're thinking, "You're never get away with this." Warm?

Joyce

Actually, I was thinking my daughter is going to kill you soon.

Faith

That a fact?

Joyce

More like a bet.

Faith

Whoa. You got a pair on you, Joyce. I like seeing that in a woman your age. Guess you can afford to talk that way. I mean, in the world according to Joyce, Buffy is gonna come crashing through that door any minute. But, look what I found. Buffy Summers. Buffy Summers, Buffy Summers, Buffy, Buffy. A lot of letters. She, uh, hasn't been by in a while, huh? And you think, with a crazy chick like me on the loose, crazy chick with a wicked grudge against her, no less, she'd call and give you a heads-up. But Buffy's too into her own deal to remember dear old mom.

Joyce

You don't know the first thing about Buffy. Or me.

Faith

Don't I? I know what it's like. You think you matter. You think you're a part of something, and you get dumped. It's like the whole world is moving but you're stuck. Like those animals in the tar pits. It's like you just keep sinking a little deeper everyday and nobody even sees.

Joyce

[sounding bored] Were you planning to slit my throat anytime soon?

Faith

Don't tell me you don't see it, Joyce. You served your purpose. You squirted out the kid, raised her up, and now you might as well be dead. I mean, nobody cares, nobody remembers, especially not Buffy, fabulous superhero. Sooner or later you're gonna have to face it, she was over us a long time ago, Joyce. [voice rising to a shout] Too busy climbing onto her new boy toy to give a single thought to the people that matter! I mean, you're her mother, and she just leaves you here to die!

Buffy

[Dives in through the window, punches Faith] Hi, Mom.

Joyce

Hi, honey.

Joyce

Buffy.

Faith

[in Buffy's body] I'm sorry, Mom. It's just, when I think about how she might have hurt you, I just... I can't stand it.