Buffy the Vampire Slayer · Season 7
“Storyteller” · Season 7
In this episode: Andrew Wells (5), Buffy Summers (1), Spike (1), Anya Jenkins (1)
[The scene opens with a Masterpiece Theatre-like setting, with Andrew reading a book.]
Oh, hello there, gentle viewers.
[He closes the book.]
You caught me catching up on an old favorite. It's wonderful to get lost in a story, isn't it? Adventure and heroics and discovery -- don't they just take you away? Come with me now, if you will, gentle viewers. Join me on a new voyage of the mind. A little tale I like to call... Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs.
[A vampire knocks Buffy to the ground. Cut to Andrew in his "study."]
Ouch! My goodness! Things look bad for the Slayer, don't they? She didn't see that second vampire, concealed by cover of darkness, ready--
[There's a knock at the door, which Andrew ignores.]
... ready to attack and make her his own vampirical spawn.
[Cut to the bathroom, where Andrew sits on the closed toilet, trying to continue his narration.]
Let's rejoin them now to see--
[Suddenly, Anya barges in.]
For God's sakes, Andrew! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing?
Entertaining and educating.
Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
Are you still filming me? Stop!
But it's a valuable record. An important document for the ages. A Slayer in action.
A nerd in pain. Would they like that? 'cause we could do that.
It's a full house. I think it's a good time to do some introductions, don't you, gentle viewers?
...
[bright fantasy shot, clear, emotional voice] You've already met Buffy. She's beautiful, with a lion's heart and the face of an angel. She's never afraid because she knows her side will always win. [Spike enters shot, somehow shirtless] Buffy and Spike have some kind of history. You can feel the heat between them although, technically as a vampire, he's room-temperature. [Anya enters shot, eating grapes] Anya. A feisty waif with a fiery temper and a vulnerable heart that she hides even from herself. [pan to unnamed Potential Slayer eating cereal] This lovely girl... [uncertain - back to normal voice] I don't remember her name.
There something you can see going on between Principal Wood and Spike ... sexual tension you could cut with a knife!
[Andrew is filming Spike smoking a cigarette. We see Spike through the camera]
Hey, I told you get that thing out of my face! Now get out of here before I tear your head off!
Spike, the light was behind you.
Oh sorry. [Takes a step forward] Hey, I told you to get that...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
