Spike quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Spike

[to Buffy] As daft a notion as "Soulful Spike the Killer" is, it is nothing compared to the idea that another girl could mean anything to me. This chip--they did to me. I couldn't help it. But the soul, I got on my own--for you.

Buffy

I know.

Spike

So, yeah. I go and pass the time... with someone. But that's all it is is time, 'cause--God, help me, Buffy--it's still all about you.

Buffy

Well, we'll fix it. We'll hit serious research mode--

Spike

Good. Try Behavioral Modification Software Throughout the Ages.

Buffy

[sighs] Okay. You're right. Not a book thing. [pauses] It's a phone thing.

Spike

Who you gonna call?

Spike

God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?

Buffy

Doubt it.

Spike

I should move out. Leave town before it is time for me.

Buffy

No, you have to stay.

Spike

You've got another demon fighter now.

Buffy

That's not why I need you here.

Spike

Is that right? Why's that, then?

Buffy

Because I'm not ready for you not to be here.

Spike

Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone.

So what?

Spike

It's my bone! Just drop it.

Andrew

There something you can see going on between Principal Wood and Spike ... sexual tension you could cut with a knife!

Spike

Hey, I told you get that thing out of my face! Now get out of here before I tear your head off!

Andrew

Spike, the light was behind you.

Spike

Oh sorry. [Takes a step forward] Hey, I told you to get that...

Are you drunk?

[looks down] A little bit. [Mother coughs, he walks forward] Think of it. No more sickness. No more dying. You'll never age another day. Let me do this for you.

Faith

Whatcha wanna do to her, vamp? Huh? Somthin' like this? [punches Spike]

Spike

(stands) Nice punch you got there. Lemme guess. Leather pants, nice right cross, doe eyes, holier-than-thou glower...you must be Faith.

Faith

[shrugs and grins] Oh, goodie. I'm famous.

Spike

Told you were coming. Bit of a misunderstanding here. I'm--

Faith

Spike. [nods] Yeah, we've met before.

Spike

We have? I don't think we-- [Faith kicks Spike in the torso] Bloody hell! What're you doing? I'm on your side.

Faith

Yeah? Maybe you haven't heard. I've reformed. [punches Spike]

Spike

So have I. [punches Faith] I reformed way before you did. [Faith punches Spike] Stop... [punches Faith] hitting... [punches Faith again] me! We're on the same side.

Faith

Please. You think I'm stupid?

Spike

Well, yeah. [grins]

Faith

You were attacking that girl. [punches Spike]

Buffy

[innocently] Sorry, Faith. I didn't realize that was you.

Faith

It's all right, B. Luckily, you still punch like you used to.

Buffy

You OK?

Spike

Yeah. Terrific.

Faith

[to Buffy] You're protecting vampires? Are you the bad slayer now? Am I the good slayer now?

Buffy

He's with me. He has a soul.

Faith

Oh, he's like Angel?

Spike

No!

Buffy

Sort of.

Spike

I am nothing like Angel.

Buffy

He fights on my side. Which is more than I can say for some of us.

Spike

Angel's dull as a table lamp! And we have very different coloring.

Faith

Yeah, well if he's so good, what's he doing chasing down defenseless--

Buffy

That's one of the bad guys.

Faith

You should make 'em wear a sign.

Faith

Every guy's got some whack fantasy. Scratch the surface of any granola-type dude - naughty nurses and horny cheerleaders... I figure, if you can't beat 'em--

Spike

Join 'em.

Faith

Just don't forget who's on top.

Spike

That, I suspect, would be you.

Andrew

You sure you don't wanna stop and pick up some burgers or something, you know, road trip food?

Spike

It's not a road trip. It's a covert operation.

Andrew

Right. Right. Gotcha... I--I bet even covert operatives eat curly fries. They're really good.

Spike

Not as good as those onion blossom things.

Andrew

Ooh, I love those.

Spike

Yeah, me, too.

Andrew

It's an onion... and it's a flower. I--I don't understand how such a thing is possible.

Spike

See, the genius of it is, you soak it in ice water for an hour so it holds its shape. Then you deep-fry it root-side up for about 5 minutes.

Andrew

Masterful.

Spike

Yeah. Tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you.

Andrew

Right.

Buffy

We were never close. You just wanted me because I was... unattainable.

Spike

You think that's all that was?

Buffy

Please, let's not go over the past.

Spike

Oh, no, no! Oh, let's hold on here! I've hummed along to your pity ditty. I think I should have the mic for a bit.

Buffy

Fine. The stage is yours. Cheer me up.

Spike

You're insufferable.

Buffy

Thank you. That really helped.

Spike

I'm not tryin' to cheer you up.

Buffy

Then what are you trying to say?

Spike

I don't know! I'll know when I'm done sayin' it. Something pissed me off, and I just-- "unattainable," that's it.

Buffy

Fine. I'm attainable. I'm a-- I'm an "attain-a-thon." May I please just go to sleep?

Spike

You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. Don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood... which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred-plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of. You... Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are. What you do. How you try. I've seen your kindness, and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you, and I understand, with perfect clarity, exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the One, Buffy.

Buffy

I don't want to be the One.

Spike

I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear.

Spike

Gotta move, lamb. I think it's fair to say school's out for bloody summer.

Buffy

Spike!

Spike

I mean it! I gotta do this.

Buffy

[earnestly] I love you.

Spike

No, you don't. But thanks for saying it. Now go! I wanna see how this ends.