Rupert Giles quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy

This is how many apocalypses for us now?

Giles

Oh, uh, six at least. Feels like a hundred.

Buffy

I've always beaten them. Always won.

Giles

Yes.

Buffy

I sacrificed Angel to save the world. I loved him so much, but I knew what was right. I don't have that anymore. I don't understand. I don't know how to live in this world, if these are the choices, if everything just gets stripped away. I don't see the point. I just wish- I just wish my mom was here.

Buffy

We on schedule?

Giles

Yes, it's time.

Buffy

Will?

Willow

Tara, baby? Is there somewhere you should be?

Tara

They held me down.

Willow

No one's holding you. It's the big day, right? Do you wanna go?

Tara

[pauses on the way to the door, points at Giles] You're a killer. [Quieter] This is all set down. [continues towards the door]

Buffy

[to Willow] Stay close but don't crowd her. We'll follow in a minute. [to the rest of the gang] Hey, everybody knows their jobs. Remember, the ritual starts - we all die. And I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn. [leaves]

Spike

Well, not exactly the St Crispin's Day speech, was it?

Giles

We few. We happy few.

Spike

We band of buggered.

Spike

Come on, I'm not going to get anything killed with you lot holding me back.

Tara

I thought the big ones were supposed to tire more easily.

Spike

No, that's over the hill shopkeepers.

Giles

[Out of breath] I'm fine. I just need to die for a minute.

Spike

It was that powder you blew at him that made him rabbit off.

Tara

It was supposed to confuse him but it just made him peppy. Its not supposed to mix with anything. You think he's taking prescription medication?

Giles

Well let's hope he doesn't handle any heavy machinery.

Willow

I got her head back on, didn't I? And I got her off those knock-knock jokes.

Oh, who's there?

Xander

If you want her to be exactly...

Spike

She'll never be exactly.

Xander

I know.

Tara

The only really real Buffy is really Buffy.

Giles

And she's gone.

If you want her to be exactly she'll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is really Buffy and she's gone who?

Giles

[sadly] I just can't help but wonder if... she would have been better off without me. Buffy.

I don't think that's true. You were very helpful to her.

Giles

[laughs bitterly] Right. Yes, I was a perfect Watcher. I did what any good Watcher would do - got my Slayer killed in the line of duty.

Oh, that wasn't your fault.

Giles

Of course not. That's how all Slayer-Watcher relationships end, isn't it? She's gone. I did my job.

[innocently] Then why are you still here?

Giles

It's, uh, you're...

Buffy

A miracle.

Giles

Yes. But then, I always thought so.

Giles

Well, I know I'm back in America now. I've been knocked unconscious.

Buffy

Who's calling me? Everybody I know lives here.

Dawn

I bet it's creditors. The hounding's begun. I read about it. So, you think we'll starve?

Giles

I very much doubt it.

Dawn

No chance I'd have to quit school to work assembling cheap toys in a poorly ventilated sweatshop?

Giles

Poorly ventilated... what have you been reading?

Giles

You're a very stupid girl.

Willow

What? Giles-

Giles

Do you have any idea what you've done? The forces you've harnessed, the lines you've crossed?

Willow

I thought you'd be...impressed, or, or something.

Giles

Oh, don't worry, you've...made a very deep impression. Of everyone here...you were the one I trusted most to respect the forces of nature.

Willow

Are you saying you don't trust me?

Giles

Think what you've done to Buffy.

Willow

I brought her back!

Giles

At incredible risk!

Willow

Risk? Of what? Making her deader?!

Giles

Of killing us all. Unleashing hell on Earth, I mean, shall I go on?

Willow

No! Giles, I did what I had to do. I did what nobody else could do.

Giles

Oh, there are others in this world who can do what you did. You just don't want to meet them.

Willow

No, probably not, but...well, they're the bad guys. I'm not a bad guy. [upset] I brought Buffy back into this world, a-and maybe the word you should be looking for is "congratulations."

Giles

Having Buffy back in the world makes me feel...indescribably wonderful, but I wouldn't congratulate you if you jumped off a cliff and happened to survive.

Willow

That's not what I did, Giles.

Giles

You were lucky.

Willow

I wasn't lucky. I was amazing. And how would you know? You weren't even there.

Giles

If I had been, I'd have bloody well stopped you. The magicks you channeled are more ferocious and primal than anything you can hope to understand, [even more angry] and you are lucky to be alive, you rank, arrogant amateur!!

Buffy

This is gonna take forever, isn't it?

Not forever. Just a very long time. Here it is. Your first approximation of your spanking new debt.

Buffy

I've trashed this house so many times. How did Mom pay for this?

Xander

For starters, she saved money with this crappy-ass coffee table.

Well, there's always that charging option.

Buffy

No. I will definitely... probably not be doing that.

Giles

Well, I know I'm back in America now. I've been knocked unconscious. Thank you.

Buffy

Aw. Poor, lumpy Giles.

Tara

What do you think the demon wanted, anyway? Uh, aside from costing you a bundle?

Buffy

Don't know. Now he's way too dead to answer that question. I wish I know who hired him.

Willow

Ooh, I could do a locator spell. Or not.

Xander

That's it. It's been four hours. I'm calling it, people. This coffee table, it's gone. Damn it!

Dawn

Also, this lamp's in critical condition.

Willow

Well, uh, let's take these thing out to the trash and give 'em a decent throwin' out.

Giles

Buffy.

Buffy

I don't think I can do this.

Giles

Yes, you can. Your mother dealt with this sort of thing all the time. She took one crisis at a time, without the aid of any superpowers... and got through it all, so can you.

Buffy

You sure?

Giles

I'm positive.

Buffy

Who's calling me? Everybody I know lives here. I'll be back.

Dawn

I bet it's creditors. The hounding's begun. I read about it. So, you think we'll starve?

Giles

I very much doubt it.

Dawn

No chance I'd have to quit school to work assembling cheap toys in a poorly ventilated sweatshop?

Giles

Poorly ventilated... what have you been reading? Buffy, what is it?

Buffy

Angel.

Giles

Is he in trouble?

Buffy

He knows that I'm-- He-he needs to see me. I have to see him.

Giles

Well, of course. You-you'll leave for L.A. tomorrow.

Buffy

Not L.A. An-and not here. Somewhere in the middle. There's a place.

Giles

I see. Well, we should get these, uh, bills and things out of the way before--

Buffy

I have to go now. Oh. Um... Thanks for taking care of this for me.

Tara

I don't know about everybody else, but I would love some chicken.

Giles

Yes, as would I!

Dawn

I'll take a drumstick.

Willow

I'm a breast girl myself. [Glances at Tara] But, then again, you knew that.

Buffy

I don't really know how to say this, but it's a little like having Mom back.

Giles

In this scenario I am your mother?

Buffy

Wanna be my shiftless absentee father?

Giles

Is there some sort of, um, rakish uncle?

Buffy

I'm just saying, thank you. So much.

Giles

Buffy, a word in your ear. If you think of the store as a library, it'll help you concentrate on your service rather than selling.

Buffy

Yes. And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam.

Giles

[Cleaning his glasses and not really listening] Yes, quite, yes.

Buffy

What happened to Xander?

Giles

He kept poking me with his hook. I sent him over to Charmed Objects. With any luck, he'll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternative dimension inhabited by a fifty-foot Giles that squishes annoying teeny pirates.

Buffy

[softly] Did you know about this?

Giles

No. Unless I blocked it from my memory, much as I will Xander's vigorous use of his tongue.

Buffy

[shocked] Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you won't have to see what we're doing?

Giles

Tell no one.

She came from the grave much graver.

Spike

First he'll kill her, then I'll save her.

Tara

Everything is turning out so dark.

Buffy

Going through the motions...

Spike

No, I'll save her, then I'll kill her.

Willow

I think this line's mostly filler...

Giles

What's it gonna take to strike a spark?

Buffy

These endless days are finally ending in a blaze

And we are caught in the fire