Buffy Summers quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy

So what I'm wondering is, does this always happen? Sleep with a guy, and he goes all evil? God, I'm just a fool.

Willow

Well, maybe you made a mistake, but that's okay. Next time, what?

Buffy

Parker said it's okay to make mistakes. It was sweet.

Willow

No, it wasn't. He was saying that so you would take a chance and sleep with him. He's a poophead.

Buffy

You're right. He's... manipulative and shallow. And why doesn't he want me? Am I repulsive? If there was something repulsive about me, you'd tell me, right?

Willow

I'm your friend. I would call you repulsive in a second.

Buffy

Maybe Parker and I could still work it out. Do you-you think that we could still work it out?

Willow

I think you're missing something about the whole poophead principle.

Buffy

You know, you go on ahead. I-I think I'm gonna go take a walk.

Willow

Are you sure?

Buffy

Yeah.

Buffy

This is Gachnar?

Xander

[looks down mockingly at Gachnar] Big overture, little show.

[in a squeaky voice]: I am the Dark Lord of Nightmares! The Bringer of Terror! Tremble before me! Fear me!

Willow

He... he's so cute!

Tremble!

Xander

Who's a little fear demon? Come on! Who's a little fear demon?

Giles

Don't taunt the fear demon.

Xander

Why, can he hurt me?

Giles

No, it's just... tacky.

Giles

Bloody hell, the inscription!

Buffy

What?

Giles

I should've translated the Gaelic inscription beneath the picture.

Buffy

What does it say?

Giles

... Actual size.

Oz

Some quality treats here, Giles.

Giles

Please finish them.

Buffy

This is much better. There is no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate.

Willow

I think I'm gonna barf.

Buffy

Except that.

What?

Xander

That's your scary costume?

Bunnies frighten me.

Giles

Oh, bloody hell. The inscription.

Buffy

What's the matter?

Giles

I should've translated the Gaelic inscription under the illustration of Gachnar.

Buffy

What's it say?

Giles

"Actual size."

Willow

Aren't you too young to be a bartender?

Xander

Au contraire, mon frere.

Buffy

Mon frere means brother.

Xander

Mon girl-frere. Behold! [holds up a fake ID]

Willow

I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up.

Xander

What gives it away?

Willow

Looking at it.

Xander

And was there a lesson in all this? huh? What did we learn about beer?

Buffy

Foamy.

Xander

Good, just as long as that's clear. Anyways I think the boys in the car are contained for the time being. This'll give them some time to ponder the geo-political ramifications of being mean to me!

Willow

How come you didn't tell me I look like a crazy birthday cake in this shirt?

Buffy

I thought that was the point.

Willow

The Bronze is more fun this year, isn't it?

Buffy

'Cause of the gloating factor alone, you know? We're all about college, now. We've got heady discourse.

Oz

Yeah, curfew-free nights of mom and pop-less hootenanny.

Xander

Co-ed dating prospects who find townies sexy and dangerous. What? I can dream.

Buffy

Right. So if college is so great, what are we doing here and why is it more fun?

Willow

Because the Bronze is nice and familiar. It's like a big comfy blankie.

Oz

Will, I was under the impression that I was your big comfy blankie.

Willow

Aw, you're my person blankie. This is my place blankie.

Giles

I'm not quite sure I understand.

Buffy

There was just so much going on with Oz and Willow. And there still is. But I-I just thought you should know.

Giles

W-well, this fellow in the woods, he was in-in military garb?

Buffy

And he was toting some serious weaponry. The thing is, I-I saw some guys dressed exactly like him on Halloween night. I just assumed they were in costume.

Giles

But maybe they were working.

Buffy

I wanna know what's up. The guy got in my way. I almost didn't catch up with Oz in time. And as it was, I was too late to--

Giles

You saved Willow.

Buffy

Right now, she wishes I hadn't. Giles, I've never seen her like this. It's like it hurts too much to form words.

Giles

You've... you've felt that way yourself, and, uh, you got through it.

Buffy

Yeah. I ran away and went to Hell and then got through it. I'm kind of hoping she doesn't use me as a model.

Giles

Fair enough.

Buffy

I just don't know how they're gonna deal with this.

Buffy

You know, for someone who teaches human behavior, you might try showing some.

It's not my job to coddle my students.

Buffy

You're right. A human being in pain has nothing to do with your job. [exits]

I like her.

Riley

Hey.

Buffy

Hi.

Riley

Listen, sorry about last night.

Buffy

No, no, I was rude. I just felt like being alone. Sometimes it's nice to be out by yourself at night.

Riley

I hear that. Got to be careful, though. A lot of strange... people out there.

Buffy

Oh, yeah.

Riley

How's Willow doing?

Buffy

Okay. Course, that stupid fraternity prank on our dorm didn't help any.

Riley

That's right. I forgot you guys live in Stevenson.

Buffy

You knew that?

Riley

Well, Willow and I were... I thought she might be able to help me on a project.

Buffy

Really? That work out for you?

Riley

Don't know yet.

Buffy

Uh, last night... at the party, you wanted to tell me something?

Riley

Oh, yeah. Very important stuff. I don't remember any of it now. But, you would've been fascinated. Possibly even moved. Did Willow tell you I like cheese?

Buffy

You're a little peculiar.

Riley

I can live with that.

Willow

Thanksgiving isn't a-about blending of two cultures. It's about one culture wiping out another! A-and then they make animated specials about the part where... w-with the maize and th-the big, big belt buckles. They don't show you the next scene, where... where all the bison die, a-and Squanto takes a musketball in the stomach!

Buffy

Okay, now, for some of that, you were channeling your mother?

Buffy

With Mom at Aunt Darlene's this year, I'm not getting a Thanksgiving. Maybe it's just as well.

Well, I think that's a shame. I love a ritual sacrifice.

Buffy

It's not really a one of those.

To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice... with pie.

Spike

Oh, someone put a stake in me!

Xander

You gotta lot of volunteers in here.

Spike

I just can't take all this namby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians.

Willow

Uh, the preferred term is-

Spike

You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. That's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.

Buffy

Well, I think the Spaniards actually did a lot of-- Not that I don't like Spaniards.

Spike

Listen to you. How you gonna fight anyone with that attitude?

Willow

We don't wanna fight anyone.

Buffy

I just wanna have Thanksgiving.

Spike

Heh. Yeah...Good luck.

Willow

If we could talk to him--

Spike

You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.

Xander

Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... some of that made sense.

Giles

I made a lot of these points earlier, but fine, no one listens to me.

Willow

I'll never get used to this. One day, she's at the friendship ceremony. The next day, she's on the news. The coroner's office said she was missing an ear. So I'm thinking, maybe we're looking for a witch. There's some great spells that work much better with an ear in the mix.

Buffy

That's one fun little hobby you've got there, Will.

Willow

Or... or maybe an ear-harvesting demon that--it's, like, building another demon completely out of ears. Or... ooh! Thought. We're just assuming someone else cut off the ear. What if it was self-inflicted, like Van Gogh?

Buffy

So... she brutally stabs herself, dumped the body, then cut off her own ear?

Willow

No. She cut off her ear, then killed herself, then dumped the body--I'm really off my game, aren't I?