No. The only blemish on my record is our long history of interpersonal turbulence. The Boston Commissioner would like to speak to you about it. I've... come to ask for your help. The Commissioner will be calling y-
[walking over to Holt] Thank you, captain. I knew you'd appreciate Bianca. [to the bullpen] That's right, I call her Bianca because she's dark and thick like my first cousin Bianca.
Oh, you're useless! You're completely useless! You are without a doubt the most incompetent detectives I've ever seen! And I'm including that bomb-sniffing dog, who humps all the bombs!
Where were you? You were gone for three hours. I know because I sang "This Is How We Do It" 143 times.
HHoytsman
Okay, well, I had to grab a few things at the art supply store. Kidnapping is 90% crafting. Jake, you're gonna help me get my life back. You're gonna confess on video to framing me for everything that got me in trouble.
Well, I think we handled that with dignity. [The vending machine slips from the dolly and hits the floor, shattering the glass on its front.] FREE CANDY!
Before our current policy commissioner was hired, a mutual friend told me Madeline wrote a letter to the mayor telling him it was a mistake. She apparently called her now-boss a quote "simpering buffoon" unquote.
A copy of that letter exists in the mayor's archives. I can't go snooping around without alerting Madeline, so it won't be easy, and we don't have much timeout I need you to find that letter
I'll deny I wrote it. It will take months to authenticate, which will give me plenty of time to make some personnel changes around here. There's an opening for a detective down in Brighton Beach; I think I'll transfer Diaz there. Detective Boyle, I'll send to Long Island City. Santiago will be a great fit for Pelham Bay. And Peralta? Your little pet project? I'm gonna ship him off to Staten Island. Hope he likes breaking up tanning salon fistfights. Looks like you've got a decision to make, Raymond. What're you gonna do?
Well done, sir. Welcome to the 9-9. I'm Sergeant Terry Jeffords.
DDozerman
And I'm not interested. I have no use for people. I find people weird and confusing. I live my life by numbers. You see this watch? It tells be how many calories I burn at any time. Question- how many calories do you think I burned walking from there to there? [Points from the elevator to where he is standing, then addresses Amy.] You, female closest to me.
Three?! Haaaa ha-ha-ha! Try 0.8, numbnuts! I made promises to my superiors that I most certainly cannot keep. That's why I need you idiots to work twice as hard- no, no! Strike that! Four times as hard! No, no no! Strike that! I NEED YOU MORONS TO WORK EIGHT TIMES HARDER THAN YOU'VE EVER WORKED, IN YOUR ENTIRE LIVES! I'm having a heart attack. Yep, I'm havin' a heart attack. [Falls to his knees] Get back to work. [Falls to the floor and passes out.]
Oh, thanks. You also got a haircut... At some point in your life, I'm sure, that's not your baby hair. That would be crazy. But, uh, you look very nice.
His orders were stupid. I hated him more than any cop I've ever known. Whoah... I just realized I'm never gonna be able to say that to his face. I mean, I can say it to his wife at the funeral, but it won't be the same.
What? Oh, right, you used to work here. You know I've made a lot of improvements since you left? I got a fridge for my protein shakes, I got a kettle bell station, I got a wolf that I killed in Utah. [Points to different spots in the office, then to a cardboard box. Holt looks in the box.]
