ADA Kupfer quotes from Boston Legal

Mr. Shore, I hope one day to speak at your funeral.

You know if the US really wanted to torture detainees, they'd sentence them to be you for a day. I imagine it's excruciating.

Alan

You have no idea.

Denny

(Closing Argument) Who the hell are we kidding? Defense Attorneys make their living helping their clients get away with murder. We put rapists back on the streets knowing they're gonna rape again. Let's not pretend that we don't aid and abet crime. But the key is: Make sure we cover our asses. Defense attorneys do that better than anybody. Now, Alan Shore covered his. He knew he couldn't legally advise Mr. Mkeba to run, and he expressly told him he couldn't give him such advice. Did Mr. Mkeba get the message anyway? Sure, but technically, Alan Shore didn't break the law. Ass covered, over and out. Not guilty, simple as that. Oh, and here's another thing about asses: (Turns to District Attorney Kupfer) Not you, we'll get to you in a second. If you have a lot of success against the D.A.'s office, and Alan Shore's had a lot. Especially against this putz, beats him every time.

Objection.

Sustained. Mr. Crane.

Denny

I'm sorry, Your Honor. Too much success, and eventually, you get a giant bullseye painted on your bottom. (Pulls down pants, revealing bullseye painted on his boxers)

Objection!

Sustained! Mr. Crane!

Denny

I'm just trying to make a point, your honor. (To jury) Alan Shore, was the target. He has a bigger bullseye on his ass than I have on mine. And this man, Douglas Kupfer, is aiming for it! He said he wanted to stab him. That's subtle. There's a vendetta. He wants my client, anyway he can get him, and that's the only reason we're here. Reasonable doubt? You all know that. Last name Crane. First name Denny. Not Guilty! Over and out.