Aubrey quotes from Bones

Aubrey

[in shock] He was trafficked like she was!

Welcome to hell, kid.

Aubrey

Uh, Angela sent over some help. See, by triangulating the locations of the body parts we already recovered, she was able to significantly narrow down the search area, which she then cross-referenced with the garbage truck pickup routes−−

Booth

[interrupts] Enough, enough, enough with the squint talk. If I wanted to talk squint, I would go to, you know, Squint Land.

Aubrey

[cringes at the foul-smelling corpse] Booth is a lucky man. Traffic school's looking pretty good right about now.

Brennan

I don't think Booth is enjoying it at all. Has anyone ever told you you say some pretty bizarre things?

[sees Aubrey and Brennan looking around] What are you doing back there? We can call the police, you know.

Aubrey

Oh, yeah, no. We are the police. Uh, well, sort of. FBI, actually, so we're sort of like the super police.

Aubrey

[updating Booth on the case] The video was recorded as a part of an experiment.

Booth

Well, what kind of experiment makes someone pretend they're being tortured?

Aubrey

Well, we're about to find out.

Booth

Nah-ha, you are about to find out. You see, I have a date with Officer Stop 'n Go.

Aubrey

You know, between you and your wife, I'm starting to feel like I'm being rejected here.

Booth

I thought you said you could handle her.

Aubrey

You got a sadistic streak, you know that?

Aubrey

[updating Booth about the suspect] The guy's name is Alex Dunaway, but for now I'm just calling him Leatherface.

Booth

How about the Virginia Chain Saw Massacre?

Aubrey

Interesting fact-- you know, before being called The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, the original title was Headcheese?

Booth

[stares at Aubrey, unimpressed] What's wrong with you? [looks at a picture of the victim and crime scene] Oh. Wow.

Aubrey

Looking like some head cheese if you ask me.

Booth

You talk to Leatherface yet?

Aubrey

Not yet. Guy was ranting and raving when he came in. I'm not exactly fluent in crazy. I got the shrink in there calming him down for me.

Angela

[apologetically] I'm sorry that they don't believe, Avalon.

Avalon

Oh, I'm used to it. Besides, other people's opinions don't make the truth any less true.

Aubrey

Right, so why am I here exactly?

Angela

Because you're interrogating the fraud, and Booth won't let Avalon into the FBI.

Aubrey

So you want me to subvert protocol and risk my career by letting her what exactly?

Avalon

Educate you.

Angela

Oh, this is where the victim was before he died-- the Frontier Games. It's a weekend-long, role-playing, Old-West-style shooting competition.

Angela

The next Frontier Games will be taking place this weekend.

[sighs] Why do I have a feeling Booth already knows this?

Aubrey

Undercover? Seriously?

Booth

Well, the likely suspects are the participants. [hands Brennan some notes] Look.

Brennan

85% of the competitors are repeat guests from all over the Eastern Seaboard.

Booth

Which is exactly why we have to go undercover. Because if we don't, we're gonna have to coordinate branches in seven different states, we're never gonna find the suspects––

Aubrey

Oh. You just want to dress up and play cowboy for the weekend.

Booth

Yeah, well, if I can do that and solve a crime, why, who wouldn't want to do that?

Booth

Aubrey, what are you doing here??

Aubrey

Isn't it obvious? I'm your posse!

Aubrey

So what do my beautiful-brained colleagues have for me tonight?

Hodgins

Might want to watch the way you talk about Cam's brain there, Aubrey. Wouldn't want her man overhearing.

Aubrey

Oh, the, uh, photojournalist?

His name is Sebastian, and he's not my man.

Hodgins

[laughs] That's not what the smile on your face is saying.

The smile on my face is saying "Mind your own business.

Booth

Coffee?

Aubrey

Not if we're still out of cinnamon.

Booth

We work at the FBI, Aubrey. We don't put cinnamon in our coffee.

Aubrey

Caroline, he brought those files home to block us from searching his place.

Caroline

The fact he went to all that trouble says there's something to hide. He's a sneaky little word-I-shouldn't-say.

Aubrey

[brings Booth a box of donuts] I figured some emotional eating might help. It's been a rough couple weeks for the Flyers.

Booth

You know what, I'm pretty sure Bones is causing it.

Aubrey

You think Dr. Brennan is a jinx?

Booth

I don't know, you tell me. All right, the Flyers have lost the last six when she's watched with me.

Aubrey

Oh, no, no, no, no, you need to nip this one in the bud, okay? Trust me, as a lifelong Cubs fan, jinxes are real.

Booth

What am I supposed to do? Hmm? Tell her that she can't watch the Flyer games with me?

Aubrey

Well, uh, sounds like a good start.

Booth

Oh, wow, seriously. Bones is not gonna like it if I put hockey before her. That's bad news.

Aubrey

Well, let me remind you that my all-time favorite baseball team hasn't made it to a World Series since 1945. You want a postseason, you may not have a choice.

Booth

Look, if it's not a cup of coffee about this big, I'm not interested.

Aubrey

Rough night, huh?

Booth

Yeah, Christine, she's been having these really bad, Freddy Krueger-like nightmares about monsters in her closet.

Aubrey

You want my advice?

Booth

Your advice, right, because you're a single guy who knows how to deal with kids.

Aubrey

No, trust me. Look, the key is that Christine's got to confront the monster head-on. She's got to get out of the bed, walk up to the closet, tell the monster to go bye-bye, or else her dad's going to put a cap in his ass.

Booth

You missed? Wow. You've never kissed a girl before, Aubrey?

Aubrey

What? No, of course I have. Lots of times. It's just...have you ever tried to do something, but the timing was just all off?

Booth

You know what? You know, the first kiss is always awkward. There's lots of awkward moments. I mean, Bones and I, we had, uh, we had many awkward moments.

Aubrey

Yeah, but now you're happily married.

Booth

Yeah, but we wouldn't have been happily married if we gave up after that first awkward moment.