Aubrey quotes from Bones

Booth

You ever hear of a drug called a Wiley Monkey?

Aubrey

Any relation to the coyote?

Aubrey

You should step into the 21st century.

Booth

You know what? The internet? It's for social idiots, people who don't have a life. Okay? I like to go out and bowl.

Booth

This is the guy that Scott kicked out?

Aubrey

Clearly wasn't because of his voice. That's like butter.

Booth

It always comes down to food with you, doesn't it?

Booth

What is with the breath coming through the back right now? It smells like death warmed over almost like a toxic blast of camel butt.

Aubrey

[looks offended] Wow. This is a black kale chia smoothie.

Booth

Why? Why are you drinking that? Did you lose a bet or something?

Brennan

Do you have an infected lesion?

Booth

What? Why would you even ask that?

Brennan

Well, black kale is high in vitamin K and antioxidants, both of which promote healing.

Aubrey

Jessica just thought maybe it'd be a good idea if I went on a junk food cleanse.

Booth

Go back to the donuts because that just smells like monkey ass.

Aubrey

Look, there's something else that I've been thinking about. I want you to know that I'm not him [his father].

Jessica

Uh, I know that, Aubrey.

Aubrey

[chuckles nervously] He left his wife, he left me. You know, I would-- I would never ever do that.

Jessica

What are you saying?

Aubrey

I'm saying that when I commit to something, it's real. That I'm serious about us. [looks at Jessica staring at him] Did I say the wrong thing?

Jessica

No. Of course not, Aubrey...but there's a lot going on...

Aubrey

I know. And when it's all taken care of, I'm gonna feel the same way.

Booth

You know, my old man, he was a piece of work.

Aubrey

Yeah, he drank, right?

Booth

Yeah. He drank, and he beat the crap out of me and my brother, till Pops took us in.

Aubrey

I guess neither one of us drew very well in the fatherhood lottery.

Booth

Well, you know, with my dad, he died a while back. I never got a chance to really confront him. Tell him how I really feel, you know, man-to-man.

Agent Aubrey, if you were to yield to your desire, rather than fight it, I think you might be able to return to the matter in hand.

Aubrey

Is it that obvious?

Booth

You're drooling like a Great Dane. I'll take that. [Aubrey reaches out to the plate to take a petit four] They're for me.

Please, gentlemen, don't fight over them. There are plenty to go 'round.

Aubrey

[looks defiantly at Booth] Plenty.

Share. Good children share, don't they?

Aubrey

[after Booth makes him lead on the case] Wow, thank you, Booth. So does this mean that, like, I'm your boss now?

Booth

Listen, Aubrey, if you have to ask if you're my boss, you're not my boss.

Ronny is a creative guy, full of all these wild ideas. And after directing all the Snoozeland commercials, he decided he was ready for the real thing.

Aubrey

A real commercial?

Movie. Said he was gonna be the next Gordon Welles.

Aubrey

Orson Welles?

Sure. Whatever, I don't know about any of that stuff. All I know is: Ronny wrote himself a story, took a leave of absence from work and went off to make his movie.

Aubrey

Huh.

This movie was all Ronny could think about. It was going to be his Citizen Crane.

Booth

The one thing I learned about these guys, these creative types, they're definitely a breed of their own.

Aubrey

Oh, dear God, this is like spring break on bath salts.

You guys are with "F.B.I"? I haven't heard of them. Are they new?

Booth

[deadpan] You haven't heard of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Oh, that FBI. (laughs) Bummer. I thought you guys were, like, Hollywood agents. Real agents.

Aubrey

We are real agents. Investigating a real murder.

Aubrey

I thought that I was supposed to be lead on the case, here.

Booth

I'm just trying to help.

Aubrey

Appreciate that, but you keep telling me where to go, what leads to follow, wouldn't even let me drive to the movie location.

Booth

You're like a turtle behind the wheel. You're like−−

Aubrey

What?

Booth

[grits his teeth in frustration] A turtle. We would've still been in the parking lot if you were driving, Aubrey.

Aubrey

We would've got there. That's my point. You know, you got to let me work my own pace, here.

Booth

Fine.

Aubrey

I just got word from the team that went after Kovac.

Caroline

Please tell me that son of a bitch is either dead or in custody. And if I have a choice, I choose dead.

Caroline

You almost went and got yourself killed, again. When are you ever gonna stop doing that?

Booth

Probably never.

Caroline

You and your damn sense of duty. Do you have any idea how stressful it is for me to have such a brave friend?

Aubrey

Well, you know the saying. Once a Ranger, always a Ranger.

Booth

That's not the Ranger slogan, Aubrey.

Aubrey

Oh. I'm thinking of Power Rangers.