Jack Hodgins quotes from Bones

Hodgins

All right. So, breathe through your nose.

Angela

Do not tell me what to do.

Hodgins

All right.

Angela

But, but, but coach me like we practiced!

Hodgins

Those are mutually exclusive!

Angela

Don't argue with me!

Angela

Have I ever told you how wonderful your voice is? It's like hot tea and honey. Any child with a father who has a voice like yours is just --

Hodgins

Have I ever told you how good you smell, and how soft your skin is, and how every time you take my hand I feel your whole life vibrating with mine?

Booth

[notices Brennan crying while examining a body] Everything okay, Bones?

Brennan

Of course. I'm merely experiencing emotional inconsistencies due to hormones secreted during pregnancy.

Hodgins

Angela used to cry at the ShamWow commercial.

Booth

Maybe the dead bodies are finally getting to you.

Brennan

Of course not.

Booth

Let me get a picture of this one. [takes out his cell phone and starts taking pictures]

Brennan

[still crying] Stop it, Booth!

Booth

Relax, okay? It's just -- you're normal.

Brennan

I'm not normal! I'm extraordinary!

[walks into Hodgins lab to see him holding his and Angela's son] What is this?

Hodgins

[surprised] Uh, it's a very small, bipedal primate from the Hominidae family.

You both know the rules.

Angela

Yeah, we do, but he doesn't. He missed his dad, so --

He's not allowed in the lab. I don't want to see him here again.

Angela

Your daughter visits.

She's eighteen! She's not going to spitup on the mass spectrometer. [Michael smiles at her] Tell him to stop looking at me like that. [Michael continues to smile] Would you tell him to stop?

Angela

He likes you.

Well, don't let the smile fool you. I'm still very upset. Sweet, baby boy.

Hodgins

That's my boy.

Hodgins

So, I was sifting through the soil at the bottom of the grave and I found fibers coated in linseed oil.

Wendell

You said her clothes had absorbed the oil.

Hodgins

Her clothes are made of polyethylene terephthalate.

Wendell

Can't you just say polyester?

Hodgins

I did.

Brennan

What are these x-rays?

Wendell

The paint had hardened, so I x-rayed each glob to see if there was anything inside.

Hodgins

We didn't want to break it open in case it would destroy evidence.

Brennan

What about 6F3?

Hodgins

It looks like tree sap or resin.

Brennan

Enlarge the image, please.

Wendell

That's not sap.

It looks like chewing gum.

Hodgins

Okay, even if it is, the dye and the polyethylene, the paint would have destroyed the DNA.

Brennan

We don't need DNA, do we Mr. Bray?

Wendell

Of course not. I should have seen that. I'm sorry.

Excuse me, the boss here needs an explanation.

Brennan

Look at the image. There is a clear impression of the tooth in the gum. That's as clear as a fingerprint.

Hodgins

If I freeze the paintball I should be able to extract the gum without compromising the shape.

Brennan

I'll tell Booth.

Wendell

She's having that baby so the next generation will have someone to make them feel dumb.

Hodgins

Seriously.

Hodgins

[looking at the beetles crawling all over the corpse] Come to papa, my little friends!

Really? They’re beetles. Not puppies, Dr. Hodgins.

Hodgins

Dr. Brennan, are you sure you don't want a chair? The way you're squatting, I'm worried that little guy in there is going to drop right out.

Brennan

Thank you, but my uterus and cervical plug are quite healthy. Also, I'm not having a boy. It's a girl.

Booth

[smiles] A girl. [becomes alarmed] Excuse me?

Brennan

The fetus inside my womb has female genitalia.

Hodgins

You guys are having a girl? That is so awesome!

Booth

Okay, wait. Just wait one second. Can I have a word with you here? You're guessing, right? What we're having?

Brennan

No, I had an ultrasound at the doctor's this morning. Are you displeased with the results?

Booth

No, I'm thrilled, but you can't just spring something like that on me in public. Why didn't you tell me that you had a doctor's appointment?

Brennan

Ultrasounds are poorly pixelated and black and white. You only like movies that are in color.

Booth

I would have loved this movie! It would have been my favorite movie of all time!

Brennan

I had no idea that our child's genitals were so important to you.

Booth

Bones, I am the father.

The body fluids, along with the packing materials, transformed the tissue into an adipocerous gel.

Clark

I'm pretty sure my middle school served this for dessert.

Unless we can separate them, the packing material is going to contaminate any tests I run on the tissue.

Clark

And I need to separate these bones before there's anymore chemical damage to them.

Hodgins

I have got just what you need, Clark. This little puppy is a plycimer laser. Now, who wants to hear it bark?

Aren't those used for eye surgery?

Hodgins

There's gotta be an eye in here somewhere, right? Now, I've set it so that it'll zip through the goop and separate it from the cardboard.

Can't we just cut the box open?

Hodgins

But I already signed this out, and it's much cooler. Trust me.

[spies Hodgins yawning] Is death getting dull to you, Dr. Hodgins?

Hodgins

Oh sorry, it's Michael. Apparently our baby believes that sleep is only for the weak.

Hodgins

[sees the "Gramps" tattoo on Michael's arm] He's tattooed? You tattooed MY CHILD?

Relax. It's a press on - for now.

Hodgins

Look, all I'm saying is that John Wilkes Booth was secretly a member of Knights of the Golden Circle affiliated with Rome. [shrugs and smiles at Cam]

Ok...a little friendly advice. Do not mention Booth to Booth. They are related and he'll shoot you. [Hodgins turns and sees Booth and Brennan walking in]

Booth

What've we got here?

Hodgins

[awkwardly] Hi!

Booth

Hi.

Hodgins

I found more papers in her bra.

Angela

Well, these papers from her pockets are all faded. I have no idea what was written or printed on them.

Hodgins

It must be something important.

Angela

Why do you think that? I mean, you have papers in your pockets and so do I.

Yeah, but do you also stuff papers into your bra?

Angela

[smiles] Not since high school.

Hodgins

She was hiding it, right? That means they're important. You know, maybe even secret.

Angela

You think this is some kind of government conspiracy?

Hodgins

Ang, in 1963 the positions of the Soviet nuclear fleet were sewn into the lining of a hunting cap.

Angela

The video spectral comparator should be able to tell us what was once on here.

Hodgins

You never know, I mean, these markings could be code. See? Here.

Angela

Yeah, it's a UPC code on a coupon.

Hodgins

Ten cents off any three pack of tapioca pudding.

Angela

Oh my God. Oh my God! Terrorists are trying to corner the market on tapioca pudding and take down America!

Hodgins

You're mocking me.

Angela

You're quick.

Hodgins

You think you could drop a hint to Booth about me getting some more field work? [Caroline glares at him] What? Is it so terrible to have a dream?

Caroline

No. Not when you're in bed.

Daisy

These two families are tearing each other apart for no reason.

Hodgins

And you think that you are going to be able to repair the damage when no one else could in the past 120 years.

Daisy

Perhaps it's too big of a challenge for you. Fear of failure. It happens.

Hodgins

[pauses] Excuse me?

Daisy

I was thinking I could see what chemicals are in the old bones and you can analyze the soil and water table. But if it's beyond you...

Hodgins

Don't...no, that is not it.

Daisy

Oh, it's the truffles! They take precedence! I understand.

Hodgins

Fine. I will help you. But don't diss my truffles.

Hodgins

Are you out of your mind?!

Daisy

I love truffles but those taste awful!

Daisy

You are a scientist. Not a cook!