Jack Hodgins quotes from Bones

You and me both--we've always been on the same side.

Booth

No, you're off the reservation, pal. You want to do the right thing, you give me that gun, and you let me take you in.

I'll tell you what. The day I wake up and there are no more bad people that need killing, you're the one I come to.

Hodgins

I actually have a question for you.

Sweets

Oh, great. Shoot. Probably not a term I should use during a murder investigation, huh?

Hodgins

Anyway, Angela's father...

Sweets

[smile fades from his face, with dread] Oh God.

Angela

What?

Sweets

Are you gonna ask me some interpersonal family question? Or...

Angela

Why is that so strange? You are a shrink.

Hodgins

[to Sweets] He wants to name our baby. We're not supposed to have any input. Now that is weird! Right?

Sweets

Um, well you know it's... it's complicated, of course, as all family issues are. [pauses] No, I'd rather not shoot from the hip on this one. Perhaps some research and reflection....

Angela

[chuckles] You are avoiding this.

Sweets

[denying] No! No, I'd just be remiss if I didn't consult my books, you know? I have so many books.

Hodgins

[grins] You are afraid of him

Sweets

Come on, afraid? [discreetly] Yes I'm afraid.

Angela

He is a very sweet man.

Sweets

He kidnapped Hodgins and gave him a tattoo while he was unconscious, Angela!

Angela

But he loves that tattoo now. Don't you, babe? [smiles and looks at Hodgins] [Hodgins fidgets and looks at her uncomfortably]

Sweets

I don't....[shakes head] I have a lot of work to do... [gets up to leave] I'm gonna get take-out or something.

Hodgins

You are running away!

Sweets

I'm walking.

Angela

[walks in tiredly] Ugh...

Wendell

[sees Angela in her oversized outfit] Holy cow!

Angela

[sighs] I heard that.

Wendell

Oh! No, no, no, no! Heh! It was, um, it was an exclamation of admiration. [clears throat, Angela smiles sarcastically] I wasn't actually --

Hodgins

Stop now. Save yourself.

Wendell

-- commenting on your size.

Angela

[laughs upon seeing Hodgins rapidly pumping the handle to a dynamite igniter, then laughs harder when he accidentally breaks the handle] Wow. Maybe you should think of a way to get electricity that doesn't involve rare, historical items worth upwards of fifty thousand dollars.

Hodgins

Yeah, I'll just blame Wendell.

Angela

[smiles] Okay.

Angela

So this is why you broke into the cafeteria?

Wendell

Yep. I learned how to do this in grade school. I won my science fair.

Angela

Oh my God. You were that kid.

Wendell

Meaning what?

Angela

The showoff.

Wendell

And this is how you thank me.

Hodgins

This is spudtastic! Is this for the victim's cell phone?

Wendell

Yeah. I'm connecting groups of potatoes in series to increase voltage, then we can connect these potatoes together in parallel to increase amperage.

Hodgins

Spudsational! Totally spudtacular! Can I help?

Angela

If you stop making spud jokes.

Hodgins

Sorry. My sincerest potatologies.

Angela

Cam got her daughter into Columbia behind her back.

Hodgins

'Cause she didn't want her to go to that little school up in Maine.

Angela

Oh. Wow. Honey, this is bad parenting. We will never do anything like this, promise me now.

Hodgins

What do I do now?

Angela

You give it to Cam.

Hodgins

I mean, do I say anything?

Angela

No. [shakes head] It is not your business.

Hodgins

Can I give her a disapproving look?

Angela

[snickers] Of course! [Hodgins gives her a "disapproving look"] That's a good one.

Angela

You really had to volunteer us for this, huh?

Hodgins

Yeah! I thought coming out to the woods would be nice, you know? A little fresh air.

Angela

Honey, let me explain something to you: there's a human growing inside me. Vegging on the couch and eating pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream is actually all I want to do.

Hodgins

Recent studies show that mothers who gain excess weight during their pregnancy makes their babies more prone to childhood obesity.

Angela

Huh, that's interesting. I read a story that says that husbands who suggest their pregnant wives are fat are far more prone to being slugged by them.

Booth

Good job with the poop clues, Hodgins!

Hodgins

Secret is in the soil. It always is.

Booth

Ok, well, why don't you ask the dirt who killed him and why nobody saw it, huh?

Hodgins

I do not like that painting.

Angela

[turns and sees Hodgins] What?

Hodgins

I am attempting to open an honest dialogue between us.

Angela

[curiously] By insulting my painting?

Hodgins

By stating what I think, regardless of the consequences.

Angela

[in pain] Ouuuuhhh! [holds her belly, gasping for air] Oh-ouuuhhh!

Hodgins

[looking at Angela in pain] Oh god!

Angela

Oh, don't worry! It's nothing, it's nothing! Ouuuuhhh!![shouting in pain]

Hodgins

[goes to Angela] Okay, that is definitely something! OH MY GOD! [panicking] OH GOD! Okay! BABY! OH, OKAY! [looks at outside, shouting] BABY! Okay! Okay! [looks back at Angela, shouting and gesturing at Angela's belly] BABY!

Angela

[gasping in pain] According to the birthing class, that is SOO not how you're suppose to react right now!

Hodgins

Right! Right! [trying to calm down] Uh...I should..I should..

Angela

GET THE CAR!!

Hodgins

Go get the car!! Okay, I'm..[running out of the room, stops to tell Angela] I'm gonna get the car! [runs and stop again, returns back] KEYS! Oh, I need keys! Where're my keys..[feeling his pocket, looking around the ookey room] where the hell are my keys!? [Angela looks at Hodgins, frustrated and in pain] Don't look at me like that, babe! I know what I'm doing, okay!? I'm gonna...I'm gonna get the keys! I'm totally...[looking for his keys] and completely...calm..WHERE THE HELL ARE MY KEYS!?

Angela

Oh wow! Man are so not made for this!

Hodgins

You know, Vincent gave me a great piece of advice? He said, "The busiest shopping hour in the entire year is between 3:00 and 4:00 on Christmas Eve." So, I never shop during that time.

Sweets

Oh, he told me that Quebec City in Canada has the same amount of street crime as Disney World. So, safe place to visit.

Vincent informed me that the crack of a whip was actually the tip breaking the sound barrier.

Angela

He told me that the top of the Eiffel Tower is actually six inches shorter in the winter time. So, it's better to climb it then.

Brennan

Vincent's favorite song was "Da Lime in Da Coconut".

Sweets

Seriously? 'Cause that's like … that's my jam.

Angela

What is going on? I mean, is this about Vincent?

Brennan

Yes.

Angela

Yeah.

Brennan

And I got into bed with Booth last night. [looks at Angela's dumbfounded expression] Why aren't you saying anything?

Angela

Because I -- I don't wanna yell 'Hallelujah!' so close to losing Vincent!

Brennan

I think I did it because of Vincent.

Angela

Wait. Whoa. What exactly happened after you -- after you crawled into bed with Booth?

Brennan

[pause and thinks for a moment, then gives a happy smile]

Angela

[smiling in anticipation of Brennan's answer]

Hodgins

[walks in the room with speed, bringing information and interrupting before Brennan could say anything] I've got the GC mass spec result back on the bullet that killed Vincent.

Angela

Honey! No! Not right now! I'm sorry, I love you, but go tell Cam! Go! Away!

Hodgins

Uh -- [walks out of the room, stops in the doorway and tries to talk]

Angela

[raising her voice] AWAY!

Wendell

You know, the only perimortem injury that I could find is this fracture to the nasal bone.

Hodgins

Who dies of a broken nose?

Wendell

Exactly. If I can't figure out the cause of death, Dr. Brennan's gonna be tossing me into that machine.

Hodgins

Right.

Wendell

You're supposed to say, "No, she'll understand."

Hodgins

Oh, but she won't.

Wendell

Ah, that is so funny.

Angela

I'm pretty sure any day the Guinness people are gonna come and measure me.

Hodgins

You look beautiful.

Angela

Yeah, for a water buffalo.

Wendell

Watch this. I'm about to Brennanize you.

Hodgins

Brennanize?

Wendell

Transverse fracture to the metacarpal and the right thumb, chondromalacia patellae of the left knee, a notch in the notch of the left ulna --

Hodgins

A notch in the notch?

Wendell

That's correct. With exostosis of the medial surface.

Hodgins

So what is that? Some kind of repetitive stress stuff?

Wendell

Yep, like this. [moves right arm upward repetitively]

Hodgins

Wow.

Wendell

Yeah, I'm thinking some kind of ritualized offering to like the sun, you know?

Hodgins

Yeah, yeah. Like a figure kind of on a high throne, right? Like a Satanic or an Illuminati slave!

Angela

Boys. You're bowling.

Hodgins

What? Okay! You're ready! The hot sauce worked!

Angela

Uh, no, not yet. Just relax.

Wendell

Bowling!

Angela

Bowling, yes.

Hodgins

Well, that would correspond with the high level of polyester in his garment.

Angela

And the fact that he was found in a bowling alley.