Tina Belcher quotes from Bob's Burgers

Teddy

This is crazy! You're crazy! You do "Burgers of the Day" every day!

Bob

Teddy--

Teddy

A NEW BURGER, EVERY DAY! IT'S THE ONLY CONSTANT IN MY LIFE!

Linda

[reassuring] Okay, easy, Teddy, Teddy, easy...

Teddy

[shaking her off] No, no, no, get off of me!

Linda

Teddy! Teddy!

Teddy

GET OFF OF ME! When I come back tomorrow, there better be a friggin' burger on that board! You hear me, Bob?!

Bob

Yeah...

Teddy

DO YOU HEAR ME?!

Bob

Bye...

Teddy

[to another customer, calmy] I'm sorry, sir, I know you're enjoying your lunch. [to Bob] PUT A BURGER ON THAT BOARD!

Louise

Uh, why is Teddy walking in the street, trying to punch cars?

Bob

He's overreacting because I--

Tina

[pointing and panicking] THE "BURGER OF THE DAY" BOARD IS BLANK! THE "BURGER OF THE DAY" BOARD IS BLANK!

Gene

AAAAAAAHH!!!

Bob

Tina, I thought we took the air horn away from you.

Tina

Did you hide it in your underwear drawer?

Gene

Yes.

Tina

We know about the underwear drawer.

Gene

And about your underwear. Not-so-tighty-not-so-whitey!

Ugggh! You've been a witch for what? Two days? Take it down a notch! You're playing with powerful forces; this is not kids stuff.

Tina

I am powerful forces.

Witch, please!

Notice anything different about me?

Tina

No, thank you.

Eh? Eh? I'm tan! Just got back from a week in the Bahamas. We had a blast. Except for Jimmy Jr. He forgot to put on sunblock. Now he looks like a dog's ding-dong.

Tina

Aw!

Louise Belcher

How you doing girl?

Tina Belcher

Um, not great. I feel like my soul has diarrhea.

Mr. Frond

They're looking for a student to participate in their Robotic Mobility Program. Or rump for short.

Tina

Rump? I'm listening.

Tinabot, commence to the AV closet. I want to show you something. It's something I haven't shown anyone. Not even Zeke.

Tina

Wow, a secret, and a zekeret.

Tina

Maybe this is our wake-up call. We should stop eating cat food.

Gene

I have been throwing up on the rug.

Tina

So let's do it. We'll have a normal day where we don't think about cat food at all.

Gene

Everyone ready to go to the cat food audition today?

Tina

Oh damn it.

Louise

Atta girl.

Bob

And we can't forget the most important role of all

Tina

With great jury comes great responsibility.

Tina

So not great?

Gene

Bleh! Bleh! Bleh! Bleh!

Tina

So what's the verdict?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, kid, you got to pay for that.

Gene

Why would they do this to me? Why would they change Chunky Blast Offs? And where's Ronnie? (grabs checkout desk). I want my usual convenience store checkout guy!

Ronnie joined the Peace Corps.

Gene

NOOOOOO!

Tina

I'm going to bed. I don't remember which room I'm in but I'm sure I'll recognize the door.

Gene

She's going to be wandering around up there all night.

Louise

Yup, she belongs to the hotel now.

I still can't believe your mom. Those were some crazy smother mother moves last night.

Tina

Yeah. As Bernadette would say, give me some space.

Now we need to find some passion in your delivery. What really gets you going?

Tina

You mean what makes me tick?

What makes you tick-tick-tick explode? Think of things that get you mad. I think of when they canceled Firefly. You try.

Tina

I guess it makes me mad that they call it your bottom when it's in the middle.

Okay.

Tina

Or why do horseshoes only come in one style? Why can't they have horse sandals?

Find your Firefly, come on.

Tina

I got a Canadian quarter in change. It's worthless unless I take a special trip to Canada to buy gum. [groans]

You'll get there.

Tina, you seem to have noticed Duncan, our exchange student from somewhere.

New Zealand.

Right. It's so far away that Duncan went through puberty on the plane.

It's true. I got pit scrubbies and other scrubbies, a couple of chesties. Oh, a new one. Want one?

Tina

Um, one of your chesties?

Yeah. They just twist off. Want me to twist you off a chestie?

Tina

Yes? I-I mean no. No. No.

Sasha, you want one?

Yeah, I'll take one.

Tina Belcher

What are dinner dolls?

You need a doll to eat here. Like some restaurants say jacket required, or ma'am that bathing suit needs a bottom.