Gene Belcher quotes from Bob's Burgers

Linda

All right, let's great treatin'!

Gene

Yeah, let's turn some tricks!

Linda

Gene, don't say that.

Louise

Should we just go home and eat spoonfuls of sugar?

Tina

I know where there's a hummingbird feeder.

Gene

I'm ready for tub and tuck-in.

Linda

What? Are you kidding me?! We're not "Hallo-quitters", we're "Hallo-winners"!

Gene

But no houses are giving out candy, woman!

Linda

We don't need candy to have fun.

Louise

You shut your damn mouth.

Gene

Look at us, tracking a wild animal like it's no big deal.

Tina

Yeah, I haven't had this much fun following in somebody's footsteps since I started dressing like Mom... earlier today.

Louise

Okay, before we do this, let's talk weapons. What'd everybody bring?

Tina

Wait, what? None. Why are we talking weapons now? There was a much better time to do this, back when we were near weapons.

Louise

Well, I have extras. You're welcome. (sighs) Okay, here's what I got: ruler, for slapping or poking.

Gene

Or measuring.

Tina

Pass.

Louise

Key chain, for stabbing.

Gene

Or keys.

Louise

You could also take the key chain, and you could force it down a throat.

Bob

Yeah, you could sneak it into someone's mouth.

Louise

Yeah.

Gene

"Hey, what's that? Oh, keys in your mouth."

Tina

Wha-What else you got?

Louise

Uh, you know, mace, knife... but I'm keeping those.

Linda

Listen, that thing can be explained. I don't know how, but it can.

Tina

Well, we can't go down.

Linda

No, Bob! We have to go forward. It's like IKEA. We can't turn back.

Gene

Watch out for Swedish meatballs!

Tina

Babysitting is a lot of responsibility, but at the ripe old age of 13, I think I've learned a few tricks. Watch this. (Yawns) Who's getting sleepy?

Gene

(yawns) Me. Oh, she's good.

Linda

Oh, you too, Sergeant Bosco?

Shush! I'm undercover.

Bob

You're wearing your badge outside your shirt.

Dammit! Just treat me like a regular customer.

Linda

Okay. What'll you have, Sergeant Customer?

I'll have a... coffee.

Gene

Very convincing.

Shush!

Gene

At least you get to keep that sweet whistle.

Tina

Uh, no. I have to return it tomorrow.

Louise

Can you at least play something one last time?

Bob

Better not. It's kinda shrill.

Louise

You love mom.

Linda

What?

Louise

Gene, you're gonna have to choose: Tina, or me? I lost one sister today. Am I gonna lose another?

Gene

Aaah! I can't decide! I'm like a sexy Switzerland!

Tina

Well, I won, as predicted. I shutted your butts. Should we go back and see how much grease you have to clean?

Louise

You shut your butt.

Tina

You shut your butt!

Louise

No, you shut YOUR butt!

Tina

My butt is shut.

Gene

[happily] Mine's WIIIIIDE OPEN!