Gene Belcher quotes from Bob's Burgers

Gene

Aw, I can't believe you quit the Thundergirls. Are they going to make you turn in your Thunderwear?

Gene

Give it 12 more Millie's and call it a day!

Bob

Tina, you're on the grill.

Tina

My crotch is itchy.

Eww...!

Bob

Okay... are you telling me as my daughter or as my grill cook?

Tina

Umm... As...

Bob

Because my grill cook would never tell me that.

Tina

[downcast] Oh.

Bob

Also, my daughter should probably not say anything like that to me. Tell her, tell your mom.

Tina

[turns to Linda] My crotch is itchy.

Linda

C'mere, let me see.

Bob

[as Gene and Louise crowd around Tina] Linda! Not now.

Louise

No, let's all see it!

Bob

No!

Bob, please. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. It is quite common for a wounded animal to make a bowel movement as he is defeated by a much stronger predator.

Bob

Hey, it wasn't you. It was 4:30!

Here, Bob. Let me show you some very convenient sphincter-tightening exercises.

Bob

No! No, thank you.

Tight... relax.

Bob

I don't want--

Tight... relax.

Bob

[angrily] Stop it!

Tight--

Bob

DON'T DO SPHINCTER-TIGHTENING EXERCISES IN MY RESTAURANT!

Okay, fine. [sits down]

Bob

Thank you!

Gene

[bouncing in his seat] I'll be feeling this in the morning! Hoo!

Linda

Bob, she deserves a special party this year.

Louise

If what it says in her diary is true, then I say she needs it. A LOT.

Gene

It's true.

Bob

Wait, you read her diary?

Linda

Yeah.

Louise

What I can stomach.

Linda

I just skim it to make sure she's not on drugs.

Bob

Wha... what does it say?

Linda

It says "I'm not on drugs".

Gene

Is Dad going to jail?

Tina

I'll wave at you every day.

Louise

Word of advice: don't tell them what you're in for.

Gene

I hope our new dad is blonde.

Louise

I've been honest with these two ever since Gene got too fat.

Gene

And I remember the ice cream sandwich that did it. I regret nothing!

Louise

And Tina, bad breath every day.

Tina

Not if you like fish.

Linda

Okay my little cow pokes, time for school. You can watch the rest tonight.

Louise

Mom! How could you!

Linda

How could I what?

Louise

How could you encourage this?

Linda

Oh Louise, don't be a pill. A little father-son bonding is going on here, and that's a good thing. These two don't always do it so well.

Gene

Tambourine solo!

Bob

[weakly rattles tambourine] Yeesh.

Bob

Alright, this is how you throw a spiral. Here comes the bullet. Ugh! Stupid ball! It's 'cause there's no laces.

Gene

I'm hungry.

Bob

Alright, we're done. Go inside.

Gene

I WANT PEANUT BUTTER!

Bob

It turns out we bond better over movies that I like to watch, that I make Gene watch.

Gene

YEAH!

Louise

Oh that's... That's adorable. I'm going to school.

Bob

Good.

Gene

Great. Why don't you learn something and become a lawyer.

Louise

We don't celebrate Lobsterfest. We're like Jews on Christmas.

Gene

Or Jews for Jesus on Hanukkah.

Teddy

Or me at a lesbian bar. Last night. Watched a hockey game at a lesbian bar, Bob. It was like I was invisible.

Bob

Gene, are you kidding me?! The name of the restaurant is Bob's Burgers! You live above it! You work in it every day!

Gene

Well I call you "Dad"! I think of it as "Dad's Burgers!"

Gene

I just can't stop banging things down here, the acoustics are great. Tina what song is this? [bangs brick on wall]

Tina

"Aqua Boogie," by P-funk?

Gene

Yes! Wow.

Louise

Action!

Bob

[practicing] As you know, sir, we have several loans with your institution, all "past due." But what does "past due" even mean, you know?

Gene

It's brilliant! There's no such thing as time!

Linda

Gene was past due, and he came out fine.

Gene

I wish I'd stayed in there! [Dives under the table]

Linda

Hey! Get outta there!

Gene

LEMME IN!

Linda

Gene! Bob!

Bob

D’oh.

Linda

[annoyed] This is your son.

Louise

Sorry, Gene, no backsies.

Gene

You can't put the candy back in mom's wrapper.

Linda

I dreamed that I was breastfeeding Gene again, but he had a long, white beard, like Santa Claus. It was really freaky.

Gene

[suddenly perks up] That could be our next Christmas card.

Louise

We have no PE for the rest of the year, my friends.

Gene

Yeah! Who needs it?

Tina

Here, let me try.

Gene

Wow. I need to exercise.

Gene

It's the documentarian who hates Dad and puts wigs on cows!

Tina

Werner Herzog?