Jay quotes from Big Mouth

Jay

Come on, Andrew. No girl's gonna hook up with you if you're gay. They're gonna think all you do is stick your dick inside other dudes' dicks.

Jay

That's why I like watching The Diane Show. You can tell she cooks with love. Or whatever. Who cares? Not me. Fuck you.

Jay

You guys realize DNA is a hoax created by gay scientists, right?

Jay

Dr. Birch, can I eat my quinoa burger in the pool? I'm still peeing.

Jay

I guess I'm pissed because you're kind of like my friend, and for some weird reason, I don't want my friends to fuck my mom. Does that make me gay?

Andrew

This whole thing with Jessi, it makes you wonder, like, hey! Women! Do we even need them?

Jay

What? Yes, of course we do. What about my mom? And, like, whores?

Jay

Okay, how about this: we'll say Jessi puts peanut butter on her dog's dick and licks it off. Yum yum yum.

Nick

Aren't you supposed to put the peanut butter on your own dick?

Jay

Oh, wow. That would feel way better.

Jay

Everything I know, I owe to my brothers.

Nick

Where are Val and Kurt?

Jay

Oh, man. They're at some bitchin' high school party tonight. They made me trim their pubes before they left because they are out there swingin' dicks and bonin' chicks.

Jay

There's no way girls are as horny as I am.

Andrew

That's true. Jay fucks his pillow.

Jay

I also once fucked this really sexy bag of potting soil.

Andrew

See? They can't be like Jay.

Jay

To completion.

Andrew

The boy is a deviant.

Jay

I'm not allowed back in that greenhouse.

Jay

We can relieve Jessi of her horniness by touching her boobs! She'll be grateful. I know if I was walking around with a red bra on my dick, I'd want somebody to touch my dick, right?

Maurice

You're a little fuckin' freak. I like hanging out with you.

Jay

I mean, how else are guys supposed to get blowjobs?

Maurice

You lean your head back, arch your crotch in the air and say "Dinner is served."

Jay

I mean, look at you! You're like a square, sexy box. I just want to, like, take you to FedEx and fill you full of packing peanuts.

Jessi

Stop! I hate this dress. My stupid mother made me get it.

Jay

Oh, yeah, moms are so stupid. They're always passing out drunk in the bath instead of signing your field trip permission slip.

And for my son, a glass of cotton candy brandy. Wait, how old are you, Jay?

Jay

That's a great question, mom. I'm thirteen.

Oh, okay.

Jay

Party wolf!

Nick

If you guys take me to ice cream, I will give blowjobs to everyone.

Jay

All right. Let's do this.

Jessi

Jay!

Jay

What? A blowjob's a blowjob. Don't be gay.