Brandon Walsh quotes from Beverly Hills, 90210

Brandon

I don't even know what to say.

Kelly

Try "E pluribus unum."

Brandon

Where'd you learn that?

Kelly

It's on money.

Brenda

Uh oh.

Brandon

What's wrong?

Brenda

You've got that look this morning.

Brandon

What look?

Brenda

That "Come on baby, light my fire" kind of a look.

Brandon

Come on, Dad, you know how hard I work. And last night Nat tells me that I can't go to Palm Springs this weekend with all of my friends because his sister's sick, and now I have to work all weekend, but you don't hear me complaining, do ya?

Jim

Yes.

Steve

Forget the agent, what you need is a bodyguard.

Brandon

Is this weird, or what? They won't stampede, will they?

Dylan

No, only if they smell fear.

Brenda

[to her mother] You told him, didn't you?

Jim

Brenda, it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

Brenda

Dad, I know that. I just didn't want you getting upset over nothing.

Jim

I'm not upset!

Brenda

Well, why not?

Jim

Because it...could be a million things!

Brenda

Like what?

Jim

I don't know. Maybe it's...well, an ingrown hair.

Brenda

An ingrown hair? On my left breast? I sincerely hope not. You know, Mom, this is why I didn't want you to tell him, this is the kind of explanation Brandon would come up with.

Brandon

What is?

Nothing!

Brandon

Uh huh...

Brandon

Hey. You're gonna be just fine.

Brenda

How do you know that, Brandon?

Brandon

Cause I'm older. And wiser.

Brenda

And just how much wisdom did you accumulate in those momentous four minutes?

Brandon

A small lifetime.

Brenda

Very small.

Survival of the fittest, Walsh. It's kill or be killed.

Brandon

Talking about the jungle or Beverly Hills?

Same difference.

Want a beer?

Brandon

No, thanks.

Brandon

What are you doing with that thing?

Target practice.

Steve

Crawford, get your finger out of your nose!

[laughs] He eats 'em too.

Steve

Take a lap.

Brandon

Steve! Steve, what's the problem? He wasn't doing anything.

Steve

Yeah he was, he was grossing me out. Last thing we need is a booger-picker playing second base.

You know, the improvement from one week to the next is remarkable.

Brandon

Oh, yeah. The kids are showing a lot of promise.

Dylan

But, we still need a pitcher that can put the ball over the plate.

Yeah, but win or lose, the most important thing is how good the kids feel about themselves.

Brandon

Absolutely.

Totally.

Dylan

Yeah, I mean, in the long run, that's all that counts.

Brandon

Absolutely.

Totally.

Andrea

Are you, uh, going to the school dance?

Brandon

No, are you?

Andrea

Uh, no.

Brandon

Personally, I hate to dance.

Andrea

You do?

Brandon

Yeah. I always step on people's toes, I have no sense of rhythm, it's awful.

Andrea

So, you probably wouldn't want to go even if someone asked you?

Brandon

I don't know. Would you?

Andrea

Well, I have fundamental ideological problems with teenage social rituals that basically do nothing but exacerbate fears of total insecurity and inferiority over one's appearance while frenetically exploiting, and I must hasten to add, distorting, the feminine ideal. I mean, in an act which reaches it's apogee with the election of the spring queen.

Brandon

Was that a yes or a no?

Andrea

What was the question?

Kelly

Brandon, don't you think we'd make a great couple?

Brandon

I guess I don't. It's like...I know you too well or something.

Kelly

Well what if we were complete strangers?

Brandon

I'd probably be in love with you.

Kelly

Can't you fake amnesia or something?

Brandon

I don't know it just, it...feels like...you're another sister.

Kelly

That is probably the ugliest thing any guy has ever said to me.

You know, the way my head is pounding, I don't think anything could make me happy tonight.

Brandon

Not even the sight of 10,000 wild and crazy grunion having an orgy on the beach?

Brandon

Guess a couple busted ribs are God's way of telling you you're grounded, huh?

Dylan

Yeah, that's funny. I'd laugh, except it hurts.

Brenda

To be a bitch, or not to be a bitch. That is the question.

Brandon

I wouldn't say you've been a bitch. Then again...you haven't said a word to him and he has been here all day.