Linda quotes from Becker

Linda

You know, yelling doesn't solve anything!

Dr. John Becker

OH, YES IT DOES! IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER!

Linda

I had a message for Margaret but I can't find it.

Dr. John Becker

Was it to tell her Mrs. Cooper called?

Linda

Wow, it's like you read my mind.

Dr. John Becker

Some are easier than others.

Linda

I have a message for you.

Margaret

Was it to tell me Mrs. Cooper called?

Linda

Wow, you people are freakin' scary.

Dr. John Becker

I won't tell her if you won't tell her.

Dr. John Becker

Uh-Linda?

Yes?

Dr. John Becker

I meant Linda.

Yes?

Margaret

You're both named Linda?

Yes.

Dr. John Becker

I just had that creepy feeling I had in medical school watching the cell divide.

Linda

She can help out. She can do half my work.

Margaret

Doing half your work is what you do.

Margaret

Just for today, you are Beth.

I don't like the name Beth.

Linda

I do, can I be Beth?

I want to be Beth too.

Margaret

You can't both be Beth.

Linda

Why? We're both Linda.

Let's pick our own names.

Linda

I want to be Margaret.

No, I want to be Margaret.

Margaret

I want to be dead.

I was born and raised in New York, and I've never been to the top of the Empire State Building!

Linda

Really? I was conceived up here! Well, acually it was in the elevator.

[incredulous] Your parents did it in the elevator!?

Linda

Well they weren't going to do it on the stairs, they're not animals!

Linda

You had motive, you had opportunity, and let's not forget yesterday you said you wanted to kill him.

Dr. John Becker

If I was capable of killing someone would you still be alive?

Linda

[to Margaret] He didn't do it.

Linda

Someday you'll look back on this and laugh.

Dr. John Becker

Maybe I will. But before then, I will kill you. And then I'll use my powers as a physician to bring you back to life. And then, I will kill you again.

Dr. John Becker

He took special interest in one student. Can you guess who that young man was?

Linda

Who?

Dr. John Becker

Linda, don't be such an idiot. It's me.

Linda

Oh, when you said young it threw me off.

Dr. John Becker

What's new, Linda?

Linda

A bunch of patients, but that's not important. Oh, yeah, there is a lawyer in your office, but that's not important. Wait 'til you see Margaret, she is wearing the most hideous thing.

Dr. John Becker

The flower dress?

Linda

No, worse.

Dr. John Becker

The pants with the gold circles?

Linda

No, worse. It looks like someone ate a box of crayons and threw up a sweater. Whatever you do, don't laugh.

Dr. John Becker

Linda, Margaret and I are coworkers, I know how to keep a straight face.

Dr. John Becker

You're not gonna believe this. Six o'clock in the morning, somebody knocks on my door.

Linda

That's incredible!

Dr. John Becker

There's more, Linda.

Linda

Oh, good, because that part was really boring.

Dr. John Becker

Anyway, I open the door. There's a guy asking to borrow some underwear.

Now, Linda.

Linda

That's incredible!

Dr. John Becker

Linda, the point. What's your point?

Linda

That Mercury's in retrograde. That always makes people act very strangely.

Dr. John Becker

(scoffs) Astrology. What a load of crap.

You don't think people's lives are affected by the stars?

Wait, are we talking about planets or celebrities 'cause clearly, when Brad Pitt is in town, traffic is tied up around for hours.

Linda

I love Brad Pitt.

Me too. But in a totally non-gay way.

Dr. John Becker

Yeah, I gotta admit, I kinda envy Brad Pitt because he's not involved in this conversation.

Linda

I'm telling you, Dr. Becker. That woman was definitely checking you out.

Dr. John Becker

No, she wasn't.

Linda

Deny it all you want, but I'm telling you she was looking.

Dr. John Becker

Really?

Linda

Oh, yeah.

Dr. John Becker

Huh.

Linda

She had to be about 80, but she was definitely interested.

Dr. John Becker

Oh. Yeah. That one.

Margaret

There's something crawling around inside the walls!

Linda

Oh, you know what? I'll bet it's a rat.

Margaret

I know it's a rat. I'm trying to find it so I can kill it!

Dr. John Becker

What's the big deal? He's probably just another rat here to make it on the great rat way.

Linda

It's such a difficult life for them. So much disappointment.

Dr. John Becker

(reading a lab report) Oh, my god.

Linda

No, no. Some make it.

Dr. John Becker

This is incredible. It's from the lab. They made a mistake on Mr. Garland's test results. He's fine.

Margaret

(reads the report) Oh, my god, John. You told the man he was dying!

Dr. John Becker

Yeah, well he's not. I gotta get him on the phone here. I can't believe the lab screwed up like that.

Linda

Yeah, well he's not the only one that's happened to. I sent the film for my vacation to the lab and they totally lost it.

Dr. John Becker

Different lab, Linda!

Linda

All's I'm saying the guy's got the rest of his life to look forward to. I spent a week in Bermuda and have no idea what I did.