Dr. John Becker quotes from Becker

Dr. John Becker

You know what's killing this country? TV talk shows. I watched one last night. I should've just stuck a fork in my eye. You know, it's like America stepped in something and is scraping it off its shoe directly over my TV set. I'm telling you. Jerry Springer, Jenny Jones, they're all broadcasting straight from Hell! When I watched one the other day... I don't even know what the hell it was. Apparently, some guy wanted to be a woman, so he chops it off. Then he decides he likes chicks after all, so he becomes a lesbian. Tell me there's not a wasted step in there somewhere.

Dr. John Becker

My car broke down, so I had to take the bus. Have you done that lately? It's like being in an ethanol-powered Fellini film. The first thing I see is some woman breastfeeding her son- her ADULT son. Behind them is someone in this lovely Chanel evening gown who's either an unattractive man or really unattractive woman. The only seat I could find was next to some guy who claims he's Moses. He may well have been, too. He smelled like some guy who'd been dead for 3,000 years.

Dr. John Becker

(on the phone) Well, when Mr. Marino gets back to the office, tell him to call Dr. Becker, please. (pause) He told you to tell me that? Well, I'm a doctor, and that's not physically possible.

Dr. John Becker

(to Mrs. Marino) I know why you want to kill him. (to Mr. Marino) And now I know why you want to die. Best of luck to both of you.

Dr. John Becker

(answers phone) Hello? Excuse me? Am I interested in changing my long distance carrier? (blows air horn into the phone) Thanks for calling.

Dr. John Becker

(after a neighbor's music wakes him up) Hey, foreign guy! Whatever you're doing to the goat is not my idea of an alarm clock!

Dr. John Becker

There's only one reasons to run: if you're being chased, or if you're on fire.

Dr. John Becker

What is this, National Sex Day? I got a woman doing it in a parked car. This clown wants Viagra. Everybody I see this morning has sex on the brain.

Dr. John Becker

(looks at a patient's chart) Eczema. Thank you, God. (takes one look at her) Oh, brother.

Dr. John Becker

Margret, there's a reason why they named a blind date after a disabling condition.

Dr. John Becker

If you and I were the only people on the face of the Earth, that would be the only thing we'd have in common.

Dr. John Becker

Just call me Dr. Becker, the geriatric pimp.

Dr John. Becker

[talking to a pregnant patient] Okay, Mrs. Capelos, you're gonna be just fine. In a couple of weeks, you're gonna be flat on your back with your legs in the air, screaming like a banshee. [after she leaves, under his breath] Pretty much what put you in that condition in the first place!

Dr John Becker

[to an elderly woman] Come on, lady! I've seen continents drift faster than this!

Becker

[repeated line when someone knocks on his door] If this is about my car blocking your space, I'm not moving! If this is about my laundry in all of the machines, it's not moving!