Well, it's official. The nuts are out in full force today.
“Another Tricky Day” · Season 4
In this episode: Dr. John Becker (20), Regina Kostas (10), Linda (9), Bob (8), Jake Malinak (7), Margaret (6), Mr. Garland (5)
You're not gonna believe this. Six o'clock in the morning, somebody knocks on my door.
That's incredible!
There's more, Linda.
Oh, good, because that part was really boring.
Anyway, I open the door. There's a guy asking to borrow some underwear.
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
Now, Linda.
That's incredible!
On my way to work, some guy in a full New York Jets uniform stops me, tells me it's fourth and long, asks me if I know what the play is. I told him, "Run to the river and go deep."
It's like I always say. Well, I don't always say it, but I have said it, so I guess technically that I sometimes say it. Which means I say it pretty often. Which brings up an interesting point: is it "off-in" or "off-ten?"
Linda, the point. What's your point?
That Mercury's in retrograde. That always makes people act very strangely.
(scoffs) Astrology. What a load of crap.
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
You don't think people's lives are affected by the stars?
BBob
Wait, are we talking about planets or celebrities 'cause clearly, when Brad Pitt is in town, traffic is tied up around for hours.
I love Brad Pitt.
BBob
Me too. But in a totally non-gay way.
Yeah, I gotta admit, I kinda envy Brad Pitt because he's not involved in this conversation.
(reading a personal ad) "Get out of here, get to work, or I will fire you."
I'm telling you, Dr. Becker. That woman was definitely checking you out.
No, she wasn't.
Deny it all you want, but I'm telling you she was looking.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Huh.
She had to be about 80, but she was definitely interested.
Oh. Yeah. That one.
There's something crawling around inside the walls!
Oh, you know what? I'll bet it's a rat.
I know it's a rat. I'm trying to find it so I can kill it!
What's the big deal? He's probably just another rat here to make it on the great rat way.
It's such a difficult life for them. So much disappointment.
(reading a lab report) Oh, my god.
No, no. Some make it.
This is incredible. It's from the lab. They made a mistake on Mr. Garland's test results. He's fine.
(reads the report) Oh, my god, John. You told the man he was dying!
Yeah, well he's not. I gotta get him on the phone here. I can't believe the lab screwed up like that.
Yeah, well he's not the only one that's happened to. I sent the film for my vacation to the lab and they totally lost it.
Different lab, Linda!
All's I'm saying the guy's got the rest of his life to look forward to. I spent a week in Bermuda and have no idea what I did.
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
Hey, Jake. Where have you been?
My nana sent me package and it took me an hour to pick it up at the post office. Turns out forty-five minutes of that was me waiting in line for the ladies room.
BBob
Giving a blind man a Scrabble set it cruel. It would be like buying you a fish tank. It's a total waste.
I have a fish tank and I'll tell you why: I find the sounds of the bubbles to be very relaxing.
BBob
Look, Jake--
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
Bob.
BBob
No, I'm telling him: You do NOT have a fish tank. What you have is a toilet that needs to be jiggled!
Reggie?
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
Once you started naming the fish, we just didn't have the heart to tell you.
BBob
(reading the Scrabble box) "Special Edition: Can be enjoyed by the blind and sighted alike." Okay. Bob stands corrected. Let's play, Jake.
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
So, a blind man playing Scrabble is wrong, but you beating a blind man at Scrabble, you have no problem with.
BBob
Exactly.
It's okay, Reg. Let the little weasel put his money where his mouth is.
BBob
Oh, yeah? Fifty bucks!
I'm in!
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
Wow, look at this! Each tile's marked in braille.
BBob
Wait a minute. He can tell what they are? I'm out.
Damn, I was looking forward to it. I haven't played since I was a little kid.
BBob
Really? Well, why be a bad sport? I'm back in.
(about a patient's odd behavior; in sing-song tone) Mercury. Retrograde.
It has nothing to do with that.
(sing-song) Suits yourself. There are two new patients waiting in your office.
(sing-song) Stop that.
(sing-song) I can't.
(to two patients who tried to get drugs) Instead of getting high on drugs, why don't try getting high on life?! Oh, my god. I am officially a hundred years old.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Becker pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.