Margaret quotes from Becker

Margaret

Mrs. Cooper called at 11:00 last night. She didn't want to alarm us, but she wasn't sure she would make it through the night. 7:00 this morning, Mrs. Cooper called again. Apparently, she made it. 8:15, Mrs. Cooper called...

Dr. John Becker

She's here, isn't she?

Margaret

Room two.

Dr. John Becker

All right, give me the TV Guide. Let's see what we're dealing with.

Margaret

Already checked. There were two movies of the week last night. Lindsey Wagner had kidney failure and Patty Duke was going deaf. Usual bet?

Dr. John Becker

Fine. I'll take deafness, you've got renal shutdown. [Enters exam room] Mrs. Cooper, how are we doing today?

Patient

Excuse me, doctor. Could you speak up?

Dr. John Becker

(yells out to Margaret) Patty Duke!

Margaret

Damn!

Linda

(to a patient) Oh, they're sending you up for and MRI. Hope you're not claustrophobic. 'Cause, you know, they slide you into this long, dark tube, and you can't move. It's like, the walls are closing in, and then, there's this horrible, deafening, pounding noise, and you scream, and you scream but nobody can hear you. And then you wonder, 'what if there's a power failure, and I get stuck in here?!' It's like that movie where that guy was buried alive. What was that called? Oh, right! Buried Alive! And then, there's Buried Alive 2! How many movies must these people make before people learn?

Margaret

Linda, I'll finish up here. Why don't you go find something else to do?

Linda

Okay. (to the patient) Hope you make it.

Margaret

Mr. Lyles, relax. An MRI is nothing to be afraid of. (quietly) But you sure won't catch me in one.

Margaret

You're dealing with people, John. Sometimes you have to be a little tactful.

Dr. John Becker

I don't have time to be tactful, Margaret! Am I wrong, here? A guy's crossing the street, a bus is about to hit him, I yell at him to watch out!

Margaret

You keep yelling at me like that, I'm going to shove you in front of that bus, climb inside, get behind the wheel and back up over you again!

Dr. John Becker

You'd really back over me?

Margaret

Only to put you out of your misery.

Margaret

[coming into Becker's apartment] Did you know it smells like cabbage out there!?

Becker

Yeah, it's the old couple at the end of the hallway. Either they cook sauerkraut every night, or they've been dead since Tuesday!

Becker

Have you ever been robbed?

Margaret

Oh please, I have lived in New York my whole life. I was held up on Prom Night...by my date!

Linda

Well, I would, but I have to be downtown by 6, and I don't wanna be late for my best friend's wedding 'cause there's a real good chance she could go into labour.

Becker

Well, fine, fine. Margaret, please?

Margaret

Now, I would, but I've got a helpless animal of my own at home, and we are having dinner with his parents tonight.

Becker

Fine. You know, fine. Like I don't have enough two-legged patients to take care of around here! Open up the ark, you know, let in all the animals! Between Mrs. Kramer's cataracts and Mr. Santiago's arthritis, I suppose I could fit in a grooming and the occasional flea dip. [under his breath to Linda as he takes the cat from her] Actually, you know, some of our patients could use a good flea dip.

Becker

[honking at the car in front] Come on, come on! If you're gonna drive that slow, you shouldn't be on the road!

Margaret

John, it's a hearse.

Becker

Just because it's too late for him doesn't mean he has to ruin it for the rest of us.

Becker

Why is it the good patients always die and the pain-in-the-asses go on and on?

Margaret

Yeah, why is that?

Margaret

So someone finally shot you.

Dr. John Becker

I always thought it would be you, Margaret.

Margaret

So did I.

Dr. John Becker

You can't replace me with just anybody! My patients trust me, they know me!

Margaret

They certainly do; the police are checking them out as possible suspects!

Linda

Think about it: you could come back rich.

Margaret

If I come back rich, I'm not coming back.

Margaret

(sees all the boxes in the office) What the hell happened here?

Dr. John Becker

(long pause) Okay, here's the thing...

Linda

I had a message for Margaret but I can't find it.

Dr. John Becker

Was it to tell her Mrs. Cooper called?

Linda

Wow, it's like you read my mind.

Dr. John Becker

Some are easier than others.

Linda

I have a message for you.

Margaret

Was it to tell me Mrs. Cooper called?

Linda

Wow, you people are freakin' scary.

Dr. John Becker

I won't tell her if you won't tell her.

Dr. John Becker

Uh-Linda?

Yes?

Dr. John Becker

I meant Linda.

Yes?

Margaret

You're both named Linda?

Yes.

Dr. John Becker

I just had that creepy feeling I had in medical school watching the cell divide.