Bob quotes from Becker

(about Linda's clothes) Wow, is that a handkerchief? Because Bob feels a sneeze coming on.

She's on her way to the bottom. And Bob is the Mayor of the bottom!

Becker having sex? Nah, I don't see it [slyly] but if I get that new drill, I will!

Wait a minute, you're with him!? If your self-esteem is that low, maybe you and I should talk!

Look, Jake, not that I don't enjoy this sucking up, but if you want the hockey ticket, you're gonna have to do better than this; after all, there are other men in my life! [Bob walks in]

Hello, losers! That's right, Bob's back! [Reggie rolls her eyes]

I've got to get a bug-zapper in here!

Notice anything different about Bob?

[indifferent] You shed a layer of skin!?

You're closer than you think. Bob had a makeover; I've been loofahed, polished, waxed and buffed to a high sheen! I've had a facial, and for the first time in the salon's history, a back-al! I'll show you later!

Jake Malinak

Thank God I'm blind!

She has the high fashion, uptown look Bob finds very hot.

Becker

She'd crush you like a bug!

You don't know Bob; he's one tough little insect!

Jake Malinak

Just caught a whiff of something strange from outside. Like a combination of exhaust fumes, hair tonic and really cheap cologne!

Hello, wage slaves! Bob's back!

Jake Malinak

That explains it!

Long time no see! Kinda your life story, eh?

Jake Malinak

Times like this, I don't mind!

Hey, Doc!

Dr. John Becker

Hey, dork!

[walking in] Jake.

Jake Malinak

[walking out] Jerk!

Bob knows what you're trying to do; you're trying to make him look bad in front of Reggie. Well, it won't work; she aches for me!

[coldly] Bob, you turn my stomach!

[undeterred] That's an ache.

Becker

What's the matter with you people? I didn't kill that guy.

[coming out of phone booth] Hey, Becker, you know that guy you killed? I just got his job.

Becker

I didn't kill anybody, Bob! What'd you just say?

I'm your new super.

Becker

But Alexei just died this morning. How could you even know about the job?

I owe it all to Linda.

Becker

Linda helped you? My Linda?

If, by "help", you mean left your office as soon as she heard the old super croaked, ran to your building, gave them my resume--which, by the way, she wrote--acted as a reference, and wouldn't leave until they agreed to hire me, then, yeah, she helped!

Becker

But you don't know anything about being a super!

What's to know? Jake can do it, for crying out loud!

Jake

Hey!

Not to mention it's the deal of a lifetime--good salary, free apartment, and I get to sit on my ass all day and pretend I don't speak English. It's what I was born to do!

Becker

This can't be happening.

Don't worry. Whatever you need, day or night, my door is always open, and thanks to my new passkey, so is yours.

Reggie

Jake, do you realize what this means?

Jake

Yeah, Bob has someplace else to go.

I'm telling you, if I don't get a tip from one of those lousy tenants soon, I'm shutting off their heat!

Jake

That oughta make you real popular!

Yeah? Screw 'em! I can't guarantee a white Christmas, but for some of those old farts, it's gonna be a blue one!

Wait a minute, you're with him!? If your self-esteem is that low, maybe you and I should talk!

Anita

Bob, I had to come here to put on my makeup because you never fixed my lights.

I'll get to it.

Anita

Right now. You're coming with me.

Becker

Whoa, whoa, what about my refrigerator?

Bob's policy is to handle jobs on a priority basis.

Becker

And how do her lights have priority over my refrigerator?

You saw that dress and you really had to ask?

Dr. John Becker

...everybody at Harvard used to stand in line for days to get into one of his classes

Who said Harvard students don't know how to party?

Dr. John Becker

Linda, the point. What's your point?

Linda

That Mercury's in retrograde. That always makes people act very strangely.

Dr. John Becker

(scoffs) Astrology. What a load of crap.

You don't think people's lives are affected by the stars?

Wait, are we talking about planets or celebrities 'cause clearly, when Brad Pitt is in town, traffic is tied up around for hours.

Linda

I love Brad Pitt.

Me too. But in a totally non-gay way.

Dr. John Becker

Yeah, I gotta admit, I kinda envy Brad Pitt because he's not involved in this conversation.