Dr. John Becker quotes from Becker

Becker

[shouting at a Chinese takeaway worker] Hey, how many times I gotta tell you?! Quit sliding menus under my door! Look, I've eaten in this crappy restaurant! And don't think I don't know what's going on down there too! I've seen that dumpster full of dog collars!

Becker

Valentine's Day: the shallowest, greediest exploitation of emotion since my second marriage!

Becker

The only person who ever celebrated this day right was Al Capone.

Becker

Ah hell, there's that damn meter maid! HEY GRANDMA, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY CAR! WHY AREN'T YOU OUT STEALING KETCHUP PACKETS LIKE NORMAL OLD WOMEN!?

Becker

[on religion] Religion is supposed to be about people being nice to each other, but frankly, I don't see a lot of that. You know, what I do see is people using the Good Book to say that they're morally superior. I see people building TV stations to bilk Grandma out of her pension cheques, all in the name of God, you know. And how about all those God-fearing people who are killing other God-fearing people because they don't fear God in the same way!?

Dr. John Becker

[to Margaret while looking at travel brochures] What were you thinking?

Dr. John Becker

Too hot. Too cold. Too stupid. Mexico? What's the point? In a few weeks, they'll all be up here.

Becker

This is why I hate coming to New Jersey! As far as I'm concerned, they should tear down the bridge and block both the tunnels!

Dr. John Becker

For god's sake, if you're gonna kill yourself, at least have the decency to wait until after rush hour. (sees no one is in the diner)

Dr. John Becker

Well, all the really classy places have lobsters in a tank. I guess rats in a box could catch on.

Dr. John Becker

What is this? National Incompetence Day?

Dr. John Becker

(to two firefighters) Oh, come on. Just because you hear an alarm, does that mean you have to come racing over?

Dr. John Becker

Well it's official, they finally turned New York into a police state! I'm driving to work, and like I do every morning when I get to the corner of White Plains Road and Lester Avenue, I turn right- and I know it's a one way street but I only go twenty five yards before I take a shortcut down this alley! Today, some idiot of a cop is lying in wait for me, and he tickets me for an illegal urn, broken tailight, no seatbelt, and oh yeah, no rear-view mirror! I'M GOING THE WRONG WAY DOWN A ONE-WAY STREET, THERE'S NOTHING BEHIND ME!

Dr. John Becker

Of all the things we needed around here, another Linda was not one of them.

Dr John Becker

You know what kind of person tapes another person!? NIXON!

Becker

I watched the moon land on that TV, the 1969 Mets winning the World Series, Nixon's resignation...lots of good times.