TV show quotes
[commenting on Kathleen Hanna's appearance in the video]
Who's that five-year-old girl who keeps bouncing around?
Yeah, really. She sure can't dance. Like, what's the snif-gig-ligance of that girl being there?
The what?
You know, the sih...um, I forgot.
[Kathleen Hanna rubs her butt against Thurston Moore's crotch]
HEY!! GET AWAY FROM HIS WIENER!! GET AWAY!!
Settle down, Beavis. What are you, like, the wiener police or something?
Well, how would you like it if some chick tried to touch your wiener? [Butt-head does a double take and laughs] Um, wait a minute.
What???
Shut up, Butt-head. Shut up!
You dumbass!
You just weren't listening. I said, like, you know, like, how would you like it if some girl was touching your wiener? That'd be pretty cool. That's what I meant, dumbass!
Yeah, right.
Shut up, Butt-head! I just wasn't concentrating, that's all.
Sonic Youth, Dirty Boots
[a ticket collector is standing under a sign that says "2.00"]
Only two dollars to see Sonic Youth?
That's a good deal.
[addressing a woman in the video] Hey, how's it goin'? What high school do you go to?
I go to the same high school you go to, what are you talking about, Butt-head?
I was talking to the chick, Beavis! Dumbass!
Well, you should have said "Hey, baby" then. Like this, hey baby! How's it going?
[the central male and female in the video are divided by a mosh pit]
Go for it, dude, she wants you!
Yeah, yeah, go for it, go for it! She wants you, c'mon! Slam into her! Slam into her, c'mon! Go for it! C'mon, grab her!
Yeah, yeah, go for it!
Grab her!
Yeah!
C'mon! Go for it!
See, now that dude knows how to do it.
And tell the story of the jelly rollin'...
Tell the story of the choad?
This is the story of a lonely little choad. He never scored. And that's the end.
I think that's like, uh, your story, Beavis.
It's your story too, butthole!
You sit too close to me, Beavis. Could you like, move a little further down the couch?
No way, Butt-head! You move! I'm all comfortable.
[the protagonists of the video have gotten onstage and are kissing]
If this was a real concert, some roadie'd be up there in like two seconds, kicking their asses off the stage.
Yeah, he'd just like, throw 'em out into the crowd.
That dude would probably break a bunch of bones and stuff, but at least he got some.
Soundgarden, Black Hole Sun
Hey Butt-head, what is a black hole?
It's sorta like a bunghole. But it's like...
[interrupting] Whoa, Butt-head check it out! That's the chick from Whale, remember? That hobo slumping hobo slut, uhh...remember?
Shut up Beavis, I was explaining something!
Oh, sorry.
So, a black hole is this giant bunghole in outer space. It sucks up the whole universe, then it grinds it up and sends it all to Hell.
Really? That's cool. How do you know all this stuff?
From watching Star Trek, bunghole.
Soundgarden, Outshined
This guy looks like Jesus.
Yeah, Christ is cool!
If you go to Seattle, everybody you see are cool. We should go dude.
Soundgarden, Spoonman
This is a ripoff. It's like, when I see a Soundgarden video, I wanna see Soundgarden, not just, like, pictures of Soundgarden.
Uhh, the video is just a bunch of pictures, Beavis.
What do you mean, Butt-head?
Everything on TV is just, like, a bunch of pictures of something.
No it's not! It's like, sometimes they move.
Yeah, but it's still, like, moving pictures.
No it's not, they're moving around! I mean, they're not moving around, but in other videos they're moving around.
Beavis, you're gonna see a moving picture of my foot kicking your ass in about two seconds. Now just shut up and sit still.
All my friends are Indians (all my friends are brown and red)...
All his friends are brown and red? What's that supposed to mean?
Uhh, it means they're, like, turds. He's telling his friends that they suck.
No sir, I don't have any spare change. Get those damn spoons out of my face.
Get those spoons out of my face before I shove 'em up your butt! Get outta here!
Stacey Q, Two of Hearts
Uh...I think this is like one of those cable access shows where you like call them up and they do like anything you want.
No way! Really? Let's call her up!
Yeah. Let's tell her to like shut up and like take all of her clothes off and get over here right now.
Yeah! She could fix us something to eat.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
