Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

How do you do that, Beavis?

Beavis

You just talk backwards.

Butt-head

Yeah, but like, how?

Beavis

Like this. Um...I am...no wait, that wasn't right...this is...uh, no...damn it, I forgot! I can't do it anymore!

Butt-head

You can't do it anymore.

Beavis

Is this Pearl Jam?

Butt-head

Yeah. Eddie Vedder dyed his hair red.

Beavis

Wait a minute, this isn't Pearl Jam!

Butt-head

Yeah. It's good to see you thinking, Beavis.

Butt-head

That guy makes faces like Eddie Vedder.

Beavis

No way! Eddie Vedder makes faces like this guy.

Butt-head

They both make faces like that John Belushi dude.

Beavis

Yeah. And he's dead.

Butt-head

I heard these guys came first, and then Pearl Jam ripped them off.

Beavis

No way, Butt-head! Pearl Jam came first!

Butt-head

Uh, well, they both suck.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, Pearl Jam doesn't suck, they're from Seattle.

Butt-head

Oh yeah.

Beavis

That bear is cool.

Butt-head

It takes a lot more than bears to make a video cool, Beavis.

Beavis

What if the bear was, like, taking a dump?

Butt-head

Well, that might work.

Butt-head

I wanna dye my hair orange.

Beavis

Yeah. You'd look good, Butt-head. You should do it.

Beavis

AAH, I DON'T WANNA LOOK AT SOME DUDE'S BUTT! Come on Butt-head, change it.

Butt-head

Come on, Beavis! This song kinda rocks! Besides, later, they show a dog's nads.

Beavis

Oh. I'll stick around for that.

Beavis

Dammit, I'm sick of seeing water in videos.

Butt-head

Yeah, but this water's cool because it's like, over by the power plant.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Remember when we went swimming by the power plant, it's like, all warm and stuff? That was cool.

Butt-head

No it wasn't! Your turds were all orange for a month, and you got those big blisters on your nads.

Beavis

I know! That's what I'm saying. It was cool.

Flies in the vasoline...

Beavis

Flies in the Vaseline? That's cool.

Butt-head

Yeah. Remember when we put the fly in the gasoline? It was cool.

Beavis

Yeah, but um, he didn't say gasoline, Butt-head, he said Vaseline. I think that's like something different.

Butt-head

I know that, dumbass! Dammit Beavis, you always ruin everything.

Beavis

No I don't! I was just saying he was talking about Vase--look, it's a dog's nads! Is that what you were talking about?

Butt-head

Uh...yeah, I think that was it.

Beavis

That was cool.

Butt-head

Why do people make videos?

Beavis

And why do they have to play this music? Why? Why?

Butt-head

It's like, some dude gets a guitar, and he sucks, then he gets together with other guys who suck.

Beavis

Yeah. It really sucks. I'm gonna go outside.

Butt-head

Really? How come?

Beavis

My butt's asleep.

Butt-head

Really? Cool.

Beavis

Yeah, I'll be back later. [exits]

Butt-head

Okay Beavis. Whoa. Hey Beavis...[turns around]...Uhhhh...oh yeah. [sings along] Better watch out for the skin deep. [yells] Hey Beavis, what are you doing? Uhhh....this sucks. [exits] Hey Beavis, wait up!

Beavis

(excited) Whoa, Butthead, check it out! It's Weird Al!

Yeah, Weird Al is cool!

Beavis

Cool! He's gonna get some!

Of course he's gonna get some, dumbass, he's Weird Al!

Butt-head

Uh... [The two laugh dismissively]

Beavis

What's this?

Butt-head

Hey, look, Beavis! It's your mom.

Beavis

Where? Where?

Butt-head

Hanging out in bars again.

Beavis

That's not my mom, Butt-head. That's Grandma.

Beavis

What is this?

Butt-head

Uh ... is this cable access?

Beavis

Yeah, I think it is. Cable access sucks!

Butt-head

They should call it cable suckcess.

Butt-head

Look at this dork.

Beavis

Yeah. What a dumbass.

Butt-head

Ooh, sexy. This band sucks.

Beavis

Yeah, really. Hey Butt-head, didn't these guys play at that wedding we went to?

Butt-head

Yeah. Remember when you kept asking them to play Pantera?

Beavis

Yeah. That was cool.

Butt-head

Remember when you waited in line to kiss the bride? And you tried to cop a feel?

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

Her dad kicked your ass.

Butt-head

This sounds like "Wipeout".

Beavis

[half-laughing] I think this is..."Butt-Wipeout". [laughs. Butt-head pretends to laugh]