Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

[sings] More than a feeling...

Butt-head

I woke up this morning, the sun was gone...

Beavis

CLOSED MY EYES AND IT SLIPPED AWAY!!!

Butt-head

That song's stupid.

Beavis

Hey, get a haircut, hippie!

Butt-head

This isn't the sixties, dillhole!

Beavis

My uncle didn't go to Vietnam just so you could walk around with long, hippy-boy hair with your shirt off, heh, damnit.

Butt-head

Uh, your uncle never went to Vietnam, Beavis. He was in jail.

Beavis

I know, I know, that's what I said. My Uncle didn't go to Vietnam so you could have long hair, see? That's what I meant.

Butt-head

You're a stupid, dumb bunghole, Beavis.

Beavis

I am not. Shut up, Butt-head.

Butt-head

I think this is supposed to be, like, freaking us out, but I'm un-freaked. In fact, this video is making me feel totally normal.

Beavis

Yeah, I mean, this is, you know, just a normal video like you always see, really.

Butt-head

Yeah, it's like, you know, if you turned on the TV and this was on, I'd go, like, "Yep. That's what I thought I was gonna see."

Beavis

Ah boy. I think this video has a message.

Butt-head

Yeah. The message is leave. Don't watch it.

Beavis

This video is, um, it's like it's causing me to influence my behaviour. I'm gonna leave. I'm gonna go into the kitchen and break something. [leaves the room] It's all this damn video's fault! [sounds of banging metal can be heard]

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

[more intense crashes and bangs can be heard] Eh! Ugh! Son of a bitch!

Butt-head

Go for it, Beavis!

Beavis

This is cool!

Butt-head

The video still sucks!

Beavis

[more crashes and bangs can be heard] This is cool, Butt-head! [the crashing and banging becomes really intense] Ugh! Son of a bitch! AAAHH!!

Butt-head

Uhh, Beavis? Beavis? Settle down.

Beavis

[going really crazy with the crashing and banging] YAAAHHH!!! YOU MUST DIE!!!

Butt-head

Uhh, don't break the popcorn, Beavis.

Beavis

AAAAAHHHYYAAAAAHHH!!! [breaks something] OW!! OW!

Butt-head

Uhh, Beavis?

Beavis

Dammit! I cut my leg! [re-enters] I cut myself. Where are the band-aids?

Butt-head

Uhh, they're in the bathroom.

Beavis

[leaves] Aah, I'm bleeding! Ow!

Butt-head

This is cool.

Beavis

Yeah, but I'm bleeding. And it's all this video's fault. [crashes can be heard]

Beavis

What is this?

Butt-head

It's the Scatman.

Beavis

Oh yeah. They should have a name for this kind of music.

Butt-head

There already is a name for this music, Beavis. It's called crap.

Beavis

They oughta have, you know, a crap section in the record store.

Butt-head

Yeah. It should be out in the dumpster.

Beavis

No way, Butt-head. There's cool stuff in the dumpster. You wouldn't wanna mess it up with this crap.

Beavis

This is like that music they play in those clothes stores in the mall, where they have a bunch of TV screens.

Butt-head

Oh yeah. And it's all loud, and then the salespeople come up and say "Hi, would you like a tie today?"

Beavis

Those places are stupid.

Beavis

You know, it kinda sounded like he said "Poop".

Butt-head

Well, this is the Scatman, and scat is another word for poop.

Beavis

How'd you know that?

Butt-head

I learned it when I did my report on feces.

Butt-head

These guys are from that country where everything sucks.

Beavis

Yeah, and they all talk like wussies. [imitating the voice at the start of the video] Naughty, very naughty.

Butt-head

People from that country are stupid. [mock-British accent] I do say, old chap, I need to choke my chicken.

Beavis

Yeah. Bloody well right.

Beavis

Hey, it's that guy from Dragnet!

Butt-head

Yeah. I carry a badge. My name's Friday.

Beavis

[Bono appears on screen] Yeah. My name's Boner.

Butt-head

My name's Boner's dad.

Beavis

[On Frank Sinatra] Whoa! Who's that old guy?

Butt-head

I think that's like, some dude from The Eagles or something.

Beavis

Or like, one of those Rolling Stones guys?

Butt-head

Oh yeah. I think that's Keith Richards.

Beavis

Oh yeah. He's cool.

Beavis

Hey, hey! Did you hear that? They're like, screwing up. They're not together.

Butt-head

Yeah. Boner's dad needs to have a talk with him.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah.

Butt-head

He needs to say "Dammit Boner, learn to sing before I kick your ass."

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. He needs to say "Get in your room and practice, dammit!"

Butt-head

You'd make a good father, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Thanks.

Butt-head

Is this like, classic rock?

Beavis

Uh... I don't know.

I've got you under my skin...

Butt-head

He said "skin."

Beavis

[Laughs] "Skin."

Beavis

Ah, boy. Look at that, he's trying to be Forrest Gump.

Butt-head

Yeah. Life is like a little box of chocolates. That would be cool to like, try to pick up a chick by giving her a box of chocolates, because then, like if you strike out, you can at least eat the chocolate.

Beavis

That's not a bad idea. I think I'm gonna go get me some Enamems and spank my monkey.