Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Almost everything in this video is cool.

Butt-head

What do you mean, almost? What else do you want?

Beavis

Um, well, it would be pretty cool, like, if somebody puked.

Butt-head

So let it be done. Check it out, Beavis.

Beavis

AARGHH! That was disgusting!

Butt-head

You asked for it, dude.

Beavis

Yeah, but I didn't ask for blood in it. That was beyond the limits of good taste.

Butt-head

Whoa! It's Barbie.

Beavis

They oughta get some dude without a wiener to play Ken.

Butt-head

Why don't you go for it, Beavis?

Butt-head

This chick has more teeth than most people.

Beavis

Yeah. Bite me!

Butt-head

She looks like that chick in the mall.

Beavis

Chicken what?

Butt-head

That chick in the mall!

Beavis

That chicken? What do you mean?

Butt-head

No, asswipe! I'm talking about that chick!

Beavis

Oh, you mean that chick who works at Chick-fil-A? That chicken place?

Butt-head

What's your problem, Beavis? I'm not talking about chicken! Pull your thumb out of your ear and back into your butt!

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-Head! You did talk about chicken! You said that chicken mall!

Butt-head

This video is upbeat.

Beavis

This video makes me want to get up and beat it.

Butt-head

You said "up!"

Butt-head

This makes me feel good.

Beavis

This video?

Butt-head

No. This! [Changes the channel]

Do you hear me?

Beavis

[Mocking] Do you hear me?

Do you care?

Butt-head

Do I care? No!

Beavis

Yeah, I don't care! Hell, I just don't care about anything!

Butt-head

He's thinking.

Beavis

Oh, I see. It's like, you tap yourself on the side of the head to think. I see. I haven't tried that.

(singing in a low voice) A little bit more than I could...ever want, A little bit more than you could...ever say.

Butt-head

This guy pronounces words weird.

Beavis

Yeah, really. [mocking the singer] A little bit more than you could ever say. [normal voice] Heh, heh, heh. [mocking the singer again] Fade away, fade away. [normal voice] What kind of an accent is that?

Butt-head

Uhh, I think that's the way they talk in like, Wussylvania.

Beavis

Oh yeah. And I was like thinking he was from California.

Beavis

What's that dude's problem?

Butt-head

Uhh, it's like, he's a little too into the music.

Beavis

Yeah, really. It's kind of embarrassing.

Butt-head

Yeah. The other dudes in the band are probably going "Uh, god, I wish he wouldn't do that".

Butt-head

Whoa, what's he doing?

Beavis

He's like, "come on, come on, open it up, come on, gimme my damn candy bar back, I wasn't done yet, I was saving that for after the video, spit it out!"

Butt-head

That was stupid, Beavis.

Beavis

I thought it was kinda funny. You know, like, you know...

Butt-head

Beavis, stop trying to be funny.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, I know I talk about turds a lot, but boy, these things really look like turds.

Butt-head

Uhh, I talk a lot about turds too, Beavis. Don't worry about it.

Beavis

Oh, okay. Poop!

Butt-head

Uranus is cool.

Beavis

Oh, thanks! My anus is pretty cool.

Butt-head

[Gets ticked off and slaps Beavis on the chin] Damn it, Beavis, shut up! I was talking about the planet!

Butt-head

Uhh, stop the car dude!

Beavis

I just thought of something. You know what would be funny is if while they were driving under that girl like that, y'know, since they have a convertible, it would have been funny if she pooped on them.

Butt-head

Uhh, okay Beavis, that's enough about poop.

Beavis

Okay. I'll just talk about wee-wee. Tinkle tinkle tinkle!

Butt-head

Whoa. Was that a bear?

Beavis

Um, heh. [Beavis imitates the singer] BLEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! Yeah, I think so.

Butt-head

Hey, check it out, it's that dude from Andy of Mayberry.

Beavis

Oh yeah. You mean Barney? [imitates Don Knotts] Well, Andy, I'm gonna go over to Mount Pilot and worship Satan.

Butt-head

That doesn't sound like him, Beavis.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Butt-head

Hey Beavis, I just thought of something. Goober spelled backwards is "booger".

Beavis

Oh yeah. That's cool. So, like, um, what's booger spelled backwards?

Butt-head

Uh, lets see. Uhhh...I dunno.