Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Lars is cool.

Beavis

Isn't he that dude on that Addams Family?

Butt-head

You're thinking of Lurch, dumbass! Lars could kick Lurch's butt.

Beavis

Yeah. He could kick Cousin Itt's butt too.

Butt-head

Does Cousin Itt have a butt?

Beavis

Yeah. [jabbers like Cousin Itt]

Butt-head

[imitating Lurch] Uhhh, you rang, Mrs. Addams, uhhh?

Beavis

Heh heh, that was pretty funny, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Yes! Yes!

Beavis

Yes! Metallica rules!

Butt-head

They rule.

Beavis

[singing along] Dunununuh! Dunununuh! Darkness! Imprisoning me! I cannot live! I cannot die!

Butt-head

Shut up, Beavis!

Beavis

Oh. Sorry, man.

Butt-head

Uh, this is like, those instructions you get when you try to buy a bed at IKEA.

Beavis

Oh, yeah. The bed shouldn't have instructions. Except for like, "sleep" and "get it on."

Butt-head

Yeah, really. That's why I stole this couch.

Butt-head

Uh... remember when you were little and your mom tried to lose you at IKEA?

Beavis

Oh, yeah, yeah! She's like, um... "just lay down and take a nap right here, Beavis. Everything's gonna be fine."

Butt-head

And then she couldn't find her way out and kept running into you again.

Beavis

Yeah, she wanted to go to Las Vegas with the bikers.

Butt-head

Yeah. They finally found her fighting in the parking lot.

Beavis

Oh yeah. And then they made me, um, go live with that family, um... the Fosters. Yeah.

Butt-head

Uh... is that a lesbian or a Mexican?

Beavis

Um... you're not supposed to say those words, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Uh... really?

Beavis

Remember that guidance counselor came and told us that those were both bad words?

Butt-head

Uh... oh yeah. He said those words were like, intolerable or something.

Butt-head

Uh... I think this is a diagram that shows how the butt works.

Beavis

Yeah, it's the digestive system of a lesbian. I mean, uh, oh. Dammit.

Butt-head

Whoa! They gave a poopsicle to that kid!

Butt-Head

Uhhh, is this 16 and Pregnant?

Beavis

No no no no. I've seen all of those. Plus she already has a baby, so this is probably, um, Teen Mom season 3! I've seen all of seasons 1 and 2!

Butt-Head

She's a lousy mom.

Beavis

Is this Florida?

Butt-Head

Uhhh... [monsters and zombie-looking people around] Yup, that's Florida. Florida sucks.

Butt-Head

She made this little kid cry just so he could be in this video.

Beavis

Yeah that's messed up. What kind of parent would let their kid be in this video?!

Butt-Head

Yeah! They're like, "Okay son, now there's gonna be some scary monsters, and some creepy people putting their hands on you, but you should be able to handle it because you're like...uh, one and a half."

Beavis

"Yeah, you're one now! It's time you start pulling your weight around here!"

Beavis

This chick looks familiar.

Butt-head

Oh yeah. She was in that movie.

Beavis

Oh yeah, that movie...it was the second one. The second one of that first one where that dude was choking his chicken on that rock.

Beavis

OH MY GOD! DID YOU SEE THAT?!

Butt-head

I sure did. And it was cool.

Beavis

I've never seen anything like that on TV. She was rubbing her butt!

Butt-head

This kicks ass!

Beavis

AAH, OH MY GOD! SHE'S STARK RAVING NAKED!

Butt-head

Yeah! You could see everything!

Beavis

Oh boy, this is exciting! This is action-packed!

Butt-head

I like this song.

Butt-head

Whoa, it's Death!

Beavis

If Death came over to my house, I'd just, like, kick him in the nads and run away.

Butt-head

Death doesn't have nads, Beavis.

Beavis

I bet his sack, like, shrivelled up like a little raisin.

Butt-head

[shudders] Ugh, that's disgusting, Beavis!

Butt-head

That spider's gonna do her.

Beavis

No way, really?

Butt-head

Uhh, she's naked again!

Beavis

Ooh yeah! Whoa, you can see her rump!

Butt-head

Her what?

Beavis

Her rump!

Butt-head

You mean her butt, Beavis?

Beavis

No, no, her rump. That's the part off to the side.

Butt-head

It's called a butt, Beavis.

Beavis

Oh yeah, I'm sorry. I just get tired of saying "butt" sometimes. I thought I'd throw rump in.

Butt-head

Now we're getting somewhere!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! Now we're getting sonewhere.

Butt-head

Even the old dude is cool.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah!

Butt-head

I like the tornado.