Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, if they X-rayed your wiener, would they see a bone?

Butt-head

If you had a boner, they would.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. That would be cool.

Butt-head

Water is cool.

Beavis

Yeah. We should go to somebody's pool, and like, go inside it, and like, go underwater, and just rock out! [sings along] Like a stinky photographing on a wire relay in a state of!

Butt-head

Is this Michael Jackson?

Beavis

I think it's that bee from that Blind Melon video.

Butt-head

Dammit, I'm sick and tired of seeing crap like this.

Beavis

That'd be cool, if Robin Hood came and shot these guys with an arrow. Yeah, yeah, YEAH, YEAH YEAH!

Butt-head

Rock on, Beavis!

We can dance, we can dance...

Butt-head

This butthole keeps saying he can dance, but it's like...he can't dance.

Beavis

Yeah, they need to go to a Pantera concert to learn how to dance.

Butt-head

They'd get their butts slammed around.

Beavis

Yeah, they'd get their butts kicked. And if I was there, I'd start kicking that one guy in the nads.

Beavis

Whoa, check it out, it's the Turdburgler!

Butt-head

You mean the Hamburglar, dude.

Beavis

No, this guy's a Turdburgler.

Butt-head

Oh yeah!

Beavis

Look at this dumbass! How come he's the only guy who's wearing make-up?

Butt-head

It's like, him and the band all got together and stuff, and said "OK man, tomorrow, we're gonna wear some really scary scary makeup tomorrow, and it's gonna be really cool. We're gonna kick some ass." But then this dumbass was the only one stupid enough to do it!

Beavis

Yeah. The other dudes were probably like "You put makeup on? You dumbass, we were just joking!"

Butt-head

Boy, this is horrible.

Beavis

Um...don't say that, Butt-head. I kinda feel sorry for these guys.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Whoa! If I had a mic like that, I'd stick a mic into every end, so I'd be four times as loud.

Butt-head

Uh...no you wouldn't. You can only sing into one end at a time, Beavis.

Beavis

Not if I spun it around really fast, Butt-head.

Butt-head

No you wouldn't, Beavis. You'd still be singing into one end at a time.

Beavis

No, Butt-head. I'd spin it around and go REALLY fast. I'd be like [high-pitched groaning].

Butt-head

Uh...yeah, I guess that might work.

Beavis

Check it out, I was at this concert, and then like Lars points at me. [Lars Ulrich points at the crowd] See? He's said, "There's Beavis"! And there I am, right there!

Butt-head

Beavis, you've never been to a concert in your life.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! Your mom's a slut!

Butt-head

Beavis, Metallica suck. They've never made out with a chick either.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! [the two can be seen hitting each other]

Butt-head

That James Hetfield dude looks like the Cowardly Lion.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! He kicks ass!

Butt-head

The Cowardly Lion sucks, Beavis.

Beavis

I was talking about James Hetfield! He rules!

Beavis

YES! YES! Metallica rules!

Butt-head

Not really, Beavis.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! Just because you say something doesn't rule doesn't mean it doesn't...uh...yeah! Butthole!

Butt-head

I know. It sucks.

Beavis

If you say one more thing about Metallica I'm gonna slam you in the nads!

Butt-head

Go on with your bad self, Beavis.

Butt-head

See, look inside this dude's nose.

Beavis

I know. It's cool. Dumbass

Butt-head

Well, boogers and stuff are pretty cool, but the hair isn't very cool.

Beavis

I dunno. I think it's cool.

Butt-head

Yeah, but it's like, if you wanna rule, you gotta be cool, like, all the time, like, even when you're taking a dump and stuff, like GWAR.

Beavis

Oh. I wasn't saying they were as cool as GWAR. But they still rule! They rule! They rule! They kick ass!

Beavis

What's this?

Butt-head

You should know, buttmunch. This is Metallica.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, YEAH!!!

Beavis

This part of the song sucks, but it gets cool later.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

It starts going, "Dududududuh! Darkness! Imprisoning me! I cannot live! I cannot die!"

Butt-head

Shut up, Beavis! You're beginning to piss me off.