Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Is that Bridget Fonda?

Beavis

Yeah! Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda! My anaconda don't want none unless it's got buns, hun!

Butt-head

"I'm a cowboy".

Beavis

Yeah, "Riding his steel horse, across the great wuss plains!"

Baby, I want you!

Beavis

[mockingly] BABY, I WANT YOOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!! LIKE THE ROSES WANT THE RAIN!!

Butt-head

"Like the roses want the rain"? [pauses] That's stupid!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! Hey Butt-head, remember when these guys were cool?

Butt-head

Uhhhhhhhhhhh, no? You probably like these guys! Wuss!

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head, I hate these guys! I was thinkin' of like, somebody else.

Butt-head

[scoffing] Bon Jovi.

Beavis

But you know, this song, it's kind of, um...uh...never mind.

Butt-head

Uhh, what?

Beavis

Well, I was just gonna say, you know, this song, I mean...you know, it sucks, but there's this one part that I kinda like where it kinda goes [sings] "Give me something for the pain..."

Butt-head

Uhh, what did you say, Beavis?

Beavis

Well, no, I'm just saying...you know, I kinda like this one part of the song where it goes [sings] "Give me something for the pain..." [Butt-head slaps Beavis multiple times] Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Cut it out, bunghole!

Butt-head

I'm doing it for your own good, Beavis. You were starting to like this song.

Beavis

Well, no, I mean, I still think Bon Jovi sucks, but I just kinda think this song, you know, it kind of, um...there's just this one part that kind of, like...[Butt-head repeatedly slaps Beavis again]

Butt-head

If you say one more good thing about Bon Jovi, I'm gonna really smack the bejesus out of you.

Beavis

Okay, so it sucks. But it doesn't suck as much as...[Butt-head repeatedly slaps Beavis again] Cut it out! Damn it, Butt-head! Bon Jovi rules! [kicks Butt-head in the testicles] Bunghole!

Butt-head

Dammit, Beavis!

Beavis

Take that! Yeah, I like this song.

Butt-head

This sucks. And as soon as my nads feel better, I'm gonna beat the living crap outta you. [Beavis kicks him in the testicles again] AAAAHHH!!!

Beavis

You can't tell me what sucks! I like this, so blow it up your ass!

Beavis

[Referring to Edie, who is squatting] She's pinching a loaf.

Butt-head

That's disgusting!

Butt-head

She's married to that short, old guy.

Beavis

Oh yeah. That guy from Africa that used to be in The Beatles.

Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep.

Butt-head

She said "deep."

Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep!

Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep!

Choke me in the shallow water before I get too...

...deep!

Beavis

This chick is deep.

What I am is what I am...

Butt-head

"What I am." Didn't Popeye say that?

Beavis

Yeah! They ripped this off from Popeye.

Beavis

Whoa, check it out, he has an eyeball in his mouth.

Butt-head

That would be cool if you had, like, an eyeball in your butt. And then you could like, uh-

Beavis

Ah, shut up, Butt-head, you always say stuff like that.

Butt-head

Beavis, I'm gonna shove your eyeballs up your butt sideways if you ever tell me to shut up again.

Beavis

Heh, oh oh yeah.

Butt-head

Uh, these dudes look too old to be trick or treating.

Beavis

Maybe they were like, um, you know how sometimes the kids' dads gets dressed up too?

Butt-head

Yeah, dads.

Beavis

Or uh, nads.

Butt-head

Remember that time your mom had that Halloween party?

Beavis

Oh yeah. Don't talk about that Butt-head.

Butt-head

Then we went in your mom's room, and that dude dressed up like Colonel Sanders was in there. He didn't have any pants on.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head.

Butt-head

His "drumstick".

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! [starts laughing] Oh yeah yeah. Oh yeah! His drumstick.

Butt-head

Look, it's Batman.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Anyways, um, whoa cool, cops, yeah! Maybe we'll see some domestic disputes! Or like some excessive force on some perpetrators!

Butt-head

It's about time somebody called the cops. This video sucks.

Girl fight tonight!

Beavis

Yeah! Girl fight! Chicks! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Here are some chicks!

Butt-head

Uh...not so fast, Beavis. These aren't chicks. This is like, that beer commercial where those poor dudes come in and it's like, ladies night, and they're dressed up like chicks.

Beavis

Um...no way, really?

Butt-head

Yeah. It's really dumb.

Beavis

No way Butt-head! Um...really?

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Um...boy, he has pretty nice boobs for a dude.

Butt-head

Um...yeah, I guess so.

Butt-head

[After Julie pulls a switchblade on a girl] Whoa! Check it out, she's got a boner switchblade.

Beavis

Cool! [Girl who got threatened backs against a wall] I'll save you baby, I'll save you! As long as you do it with me. It's like one of those movies where they're kicking ass at a restaurant and a guy says "Your crab style very good, but it no match for my crane style!"

Butt-head

Yeah, except this is a beer commercial.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Beavis

I like when girls fight, 'cause they're like "She called me a bitch, and I said you're a slut, well we'll go outside and see who the slut is, bitch!"

Butt-head

Settle down, Beavis.

That's right, you slut!

Beavis

Yeah, you slut!

I'm gonna rip out your hairs one by one!

Beavis

Yeah, bitch!

Butt-head

They should have done this in the beginning of the video!