Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Hey hey, did you see the faucet, Butt-head?

Butt-head

Yeah. And you know, wherever there's a faucet, there's probably a toilet close by.

Beavis

Oh yeah. And wherever there's toilets, there's like, butts, and wieners, and turds, and uh, wee-wee! Yeah!

Butt-head

Yeah. A little something for everyone.

Butt-head

This dude must use the same shampoo as me.

Beavis

Umm...uh...you don't use shampoo, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Uhh...oh yeah.

Beavis

Yeah.

Beavis

Hey, Butt-head. Is this that band, Schlong?

Butt-head

No, dumbass! It's Prong!

Beavis

Oh. Oh. Well...I wasn't that far off. Butthole.

Butt-head

She's beating her carpet.

Beavis

Yeah. We should do that.

Butt-head

It looks cool.

I could be wrong...

Butt-head

You're wrong.

Beavis

Yeah. He's all wrong. And his hair is orange.

Beavis

The mucous membranes are the part of your brain that makes you, like, remember mucus. So like, if you have 'em removed, you'll just forget to blow your nose all the time.

Butt-head

That would be pretty cool! Let's go get the pliers and remove our mucous membranes.

Butt-head

I hate words.

Beavis

Yeah. Words suck.

Butt-head

If I wanted to read, I'd go to school.

Your cigarette dangles...

Butt-head

He said "dangle."

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. The angle of the dangle is inversely proportional to the heat of the beat.

Butt-head

Whoa! That's pretty cool! You're pretty smart, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah.

Beavis

Hey, that's that guy from Dumb and Dumber.

Butt-head

Oh yeah! I think that's Dumb.

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah.

Butt-head

Whoa! We need to get one of those!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, I know! I know! I KNOW! I've been saying that for a long time, Butt-head. It's like, we need to get a cool-looking chick. Maybe then people will start to respect us and stuff. It's like, then we'll start getting respect, and then we'll get more chicks, and then, like, with more chicks, like, we'll get more respect, and then after that, we'll get, like, more money, then we'll get, like, more chicks and more money and more respect, and we'll just, like, keep on going! And all it takes is just getting that first chick! Yeah, if we could just get one chick--

Butt-head

I'm not talking about the chick, buttmunch! I was talking about that air freshener thing in the car.

Beavis

Oh. Oh, oh yeah. Sorry about that.

Butt-head

Whoa! I wish I had a shirt like that.

Beavis

Yeah. That would be cool if we, like, had other shirts and stuff.

Butt-head

Yeah! It's like, you could wear one shirt one day and then, like, the next day, you wear, like, a different shirt. That would rule!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah.

Butt-head

Whoa! That's cool. It's like, this video was pretty cool, and then they show a naked chick in a tub.

Beavis

Yeah. Maybe she'll get up and dry herself off.

Butt-head

Yeah. That would be cool.

Beavis

Yeah. She doesn't want to get out of the tub 'cause she has morning wood!

Butt-head

Beavis! I hope you were joking.

Beavis

Um...y - yeah. Yeah, that was pretty funny.

Butt-head

Whoa! I saw that guy in detention!

Beavis

Yeah. He doesn't want to sit up 'cause he's got morning wood.

Butt-head

Rise and shine!

Butt-head

These effects aren't very special.

Beavis

Yeah. These effects suck.

Beavis

Whoa, look at that! They almost showed that chick's butt!

Butt-Head

Yeah, but close only counts in horseshoes and like, uh, lemonade, or something.