Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

He's smiling at you, Beavis.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Butt-head

This guy always likes to show off his butt.

Beavis

Yeah. And his butt sucks.

Butt-head

Oh yeah? How do you know?

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! I'll kick your ass!

Beavis

Um...wow. Something's different about this.

Butt-head

Uhh...yeah. It's like, it sounds different, and looks different than like, most other videos you see lately.

Beavis

Yeah yeah. Kinda cool, yeah.

Butt-head

I'm hungry, Beavis. Go make some pancakes.

Beavis

Come on, Butt-head, I wanna watch this.

Butt-head

Uhh, you can watch it later. It's gonna be on about 50 times.

Beavis

Really? Well, okay. I guess I can make some pancakes. [exits the room. all further lines are yelled from the kitchen] Okay, where's the syrup?!

Butt-head

[calling out ] You gotta make the pancakes first, dumbass!

Beavis

Um...where's the spatula?

Butt-head

Uhh, I think it's in my bedroom!

Beavis

Oh, okay! [Beavis can be heard running]

Butt-head

Look under the bed!

Beavis

Oh, there's the pan, too! Cool! [walks back to the kitchen, passes by Butt-head] Hey, how's it going?

Butt-head

Hey. Pretty good.

Beavis

[hums] Dun dun da dun...[yells from the kitchen] How's that video?

Butt-head

It's pretty cool, now shut up and get cooking!

Beavis

How much mayonnaise do I put in?

Butt-head

None!

Beavis

One what? Okay, I'll just put one cup then. [long beat] Hey Butt-head, is there supposed to be smoke?

Butt-head

Uhh, I think so. [the smoke alarm goes off]

Beavis

AAH! OW!!

Butt-head

Hey Beavis, you get the one in the middle.

Beavis

Shut up peckerwood! She's yours.

Butt-head

Their parents were in the Beatles.

Beavis

These chicks sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Butt-head

Yeah, I like Theodore. He's cool.

Beavis

Which one's Theodore?

Butt-head

He's the fat one. I bet the fat one has a big butt. "I like big butts and I will not lie! You other brothers can't deny!"

Butt-head

His teeth are whiter than white!

Beavis

Yeah, they're "white"!

Butt-head

These guys live on the edge!

Beavis

Yeah, the edge of "Wuss Cliff"!

Butt-head

Life. What a beautiful choice.

Beavis

Life. It sucks! All these kids have one thing in common - they're all here because a couple people did it. [Yanni fades in on screen] Whoa, look at that, it's Geraldo!

Butt-head

Oh no. This is Yanni.

Beavis

Come on, change it, Butt-head.

Butt-head

I can't believe they're even showing this.

Beavis

Yeah, really.

Butt-head

This guy is the biggest butthole I've ever seen in my life.

Beavis

Yeah. Change it, Butt-head. Come on, gimme that!

Butt-head

Uhh, wait a minute, I think it's about to rock. [turns the volume up as loud as it can go]

Beavis

Come on, dammit Butt-head, cut it out!

Butt-head

No way, Beavis. You like this.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! No I don't! Turn it down!

Butt-head

Hey Beavis, did you know that this guy is your dad?

Beavis

AAAAAAHHHH!!! NOOOOOO!!!!

Butt-head

You're a dumbass, Beavis. You just, like, believe anything anybody tells you.

Beavis

Um, no. I was just kidding.

Butt-head

Yep, that's him, officer.

Beavis

Book him, Danno.

Butt-head

Kick him, Danno.

Beavis

And punch him! He deserves it. He sucks!

Butt-head

We charge you with being in a sucky video for a crappy song.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Guilty as charged!

Beavis

Whoa, where are they taking him?

Butt-head

I think they're gonna go torture him somewhere, like, to get him to say something.

Beavis

Oh yeah. You mean, like, "I'm a monkey's uncle"?

Butt-head

No, dumbass! Like, y'know, where the money is, or something like that.

Beavis

If I was that dude, I'd just, like, kick 'em in the nads, and then like smack their heads together, then just like tear ass!

Butt-head

Beavis, if that was you, they'd just, like, touch you, and then you'd go "Aaaahhh!!! I'm a monkey's uncle and I put the money in my backyard!"

Beavis

No sir! Buttmunch.

Butt-head

They're making him fight the janitor.

Beavis

Fight, yeah!

Butt-head

If I was a janitor, I'd like, throw a bunch of sawdust with puke at him, and then I'd go "Now who's bad?"

Butt-head

Whoa.

Beavis

Yeah yeah, now this is gettin' good. [The man transforms into a bird] What? He turned into a bird!

Butt-head

If I could turn into a bird, I'd turn into a cock.

Beavis

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Butt-head

This first part of the song sounds like the music they play at the Olive Garden.

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah. But then it kicks ass later.

Butt-head

Yeah. The Olive Garden kicks ass too.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. I like to go there and stuff my face with breadsticks, 'cause they're free.

Butt-head

If you leave that place hungry, you're just stupid.

Beavis

Now this is the cool part of the song.

Butt-head

Yeah. Remember when you asked that waitress at the Olive Garden to dance, and then she slapped you and the manager threw you out.

Beavis

Oh yeah. That was cool.

Butt-head

She probably would have danced with me because I have better moves.

Beavis

No you don't. Check this out. [Beavis pretends to penetrate the top of the couch and sings the beat]

Butt-head

Uh... your moves suck, Beavis. Check this out. [Beavis flails his arms while Butt-head jumps from one side to the other]

Beavis

No soy Americano...