Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Where do these guys get these shiny pants?

Beavis

Yeah, really. I went into a store once and asked for some shiny pants, and they kicked my ass out of there.

Butt-head

Uh...I think you like just take regular pants and you like, have them shined.

Beavis

Oh really? But I do shine my pants.

Butt-head

You said douche.

Beavis

Really? Oh yeah. I douche-ine my pants.

Butt-head

[During the bridge of the song] This part of the song sucks.

Beavis

Yeah, really.

Butt-head

These guys need to just concentrate on rocking.

Beavis

Yeah, really. Rock! Rock!

Butt-head

[Bridge of song ends] Yeah. That's more like it.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah! There you go.

Butt-head

This guy keeps on like, stumbling around and stuff.

Beavis

Yeah, it's like, I don't think he's having a very good day.

Butt-head

I think he's just drunk off his ass.

Beavis

[Reznor presses against keyboard] Hey, get your hand off his keyboard, butthole!

Butt-head

Yeah. These guys need to practice more.

Beavis

Yeah. They weren't very well prepared for this video.

Butt-head

[Farts towards the quiet end of song]

Beavis

Thank you very much, we're Nine Inch Nails.

Butt-head

Good night!

Butt-head

Yes! Nirvana rules.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, this is cool! But, um, you know, this is cool and everything, but's it's like uh, this video's been giving me nightmares, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Cool. I wish I had nightmares about this video.

Beavis

I know Butt-head, these are pretty scary. I'ts like, I had this dream, that I'm like, Santa Claus, and I'm, like, on a cross, and there's these crows, like, picking at me. AAAHHH!!

Butt-head

Cool! I wish I had nightmares about this video!

Butt-head

Check it out. It's like he pulls his hair out of his eyes, but then it just falls back in his eyes.

Beavis

So what? You got a problem with that?

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Whoa, check it out. That room is cool. I think that's Kurt Cobain's bedroom. I'm gonna get my room set up like that with all, like, lit-up stars and stuff, and then, like, it's gonna be cool.

Butt-head

No you're not. You're never gonna get your room fixed up like that, and you're never gonna score.

Beavis

Shut up!

Butt-head

You're just gonna sit around for the rest of your life, spanking your monkey.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! I am too gonna fix my room up! Butthole!

Butt-head

Hi. I'm your tour guide. Welcome to Wuss Gardens.

Beavis

It was here that George Washington first chopped off his wiener. And then he lied.

An anchor!

Butt-head

[mocking their accents] Like an ankaa.

Beavis

Like an ankaa!

Butt-head

An ankaa.

Beavis

It's pronounced anchor! Anchor! Can you say that? Err! Err! Dumbass. Ank-err!

What you say should be from your own mind...

Butt-head

What you say should be from your own mind? That's stupid.

Beavis

Yeah really, because like, sometimes I can't hear all those voices in my mind, you know, and...wait a minute, Butt-head, I'm getting something. Mm-hm? Yeah? Butt-head, I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back. [exits, jabbers in Cornholio-style gibberish]

Butt-head

Hey Beavis! Come here! This sucks!

Beavis

Hang on a second, I'll be right out! [jabbers in Cornholio-style gibberish]

Beavis

Uh oh. I think it's one of those TV preachers.

Butt-head

Dammit Beavis, you'd better not send him all our money again.

Beavis

Sometimes I can't help myself. It's like, I start going "I know that's right. Hallelujah." And then I'm on the phone, and I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, here's all my money!"

Butt-head

Yeah, but it's like, you send him all your money and you're still just a dumbass with a lot of problems.

Beavis

Hey, you're right. [angry] Dammit! I got ripped off!

Elvis is in your jeans!

Butt-head

Elvis is in our jeans?

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, check this out...Elvis has left my jeans!

Butt-head

Dammit Beavis, if you pull your pants down one more time I'm gonna beat the crap outta you!

Beavis

[impersonating Elvis] Thank you very much.

Butt-head

Hey Beavis, while you were fiddling with your wiener, I think he said that Elvis is like, in Joan Rivers.

Beavis

Whoa, really? That'd be cool. [impersonating Joan Rivers] Can we talk? I've got Elvis inside me!

Butt-head

Beavis, that doesn't sound anything like her.

Beavis

Oh. [impersonating Elvis] Thank you very much.

Beavis

Check it out, Butt-head, go-karts!

Butt-head

Go-karts rule.

Beavis

When I'm old, instead of a car, I'm gonna have a go-kart! [imitates an engine] Brrrrrffffftttt!!!

Butt-head

Ew! That was disgusting!

Beavis

Yeah really. That shouldn't show that kind of stuff on TV! Kids might be watching.

Beavis

Hey, it's that dude from Damn Yankees!

Butt-head

Oh yeah. Once I saw on MTV News that this dude likes to take, like, a bow and arrow and go like, shoot animals with it.

Beavis

No way, really? Doesn't he get in trouble?

Butt-head

No, I think it's okay. I think he can do that because he's like one of those, uh...Republicans.

Beavis

Really? I wanna become a Republican! That would rule!

Butt-head

But then like, I think once you become a Republican, it's like, you don't score anymore.

Beavis

Oh well. I guess I'll just keep being a Mexican, then.