Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

That James Hetfield dude looks like the Cowardly Lion.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! He kicks ass!

Butt-head

The Cowardly Lion sucks, Beavis.

Beavis

I was talking about James Hetfield! He rules!

Beavis

YES! YES! Metallica rules!

Butt-head

Not really, Beavis.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! Just because you say something doesn't rule doesn't mean it doesn't...uh...yeah! Butthole!

Butt-head

I know. It sucks.

Beavis

If you say one more thing about Metallica I'm gonna slam you in the nads!

Butt-head

Go on with your bad self, Beavis.

Butt-head

See, look inside this dude's nose.

Beavis

I know. It's cool. Dumbass

Butt-head

Well, boogers and stuff are pretty cool, but the hair isn't very cool.

Beavis

I dunno. I think it's cool.

Butt-head

Yeah, but it's like, if you wanna rule, you gotta be cool, like, all the time, like, even when you're taking a dump and stuff, like GWAR.

Beavis

Oh. I wasn't saying they were as cool as GWAR. But they still rule! They rule! They rule! They kick ass!

Beavis

What's this?

Butt-head

You should know, buttmunch. This is Metallica.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, YEAH!!!

Beavis

This part of the song sucks, but it gets cool later.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

It starts going, "Dududududuh! Darkness! Imprisoning me! I cannot live! I cannot die!"

Butt-head

Shut up, Beavis! You're beginning to piss me off.

Butt-head

Lars is cool.

Beavis

Isn't he that dude on that Addams Family?

Butt-head

You're thinking of Lurch, dumbass! Lars could kick Lurch's butt.

Beavis

Yeah. He could kick Cousin Itt's butt too.

Butt-head

Does Cousin Itt have a butt?

Beavis

Yeah. [jabbers like Cousin Itt]

Butt-head

[imitating Lurch] Uhhh, you rang, Mrs. Addams, uhhh?

Beavis

Heh heh, that was pretty funny, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Yes! Yes!

Beavis

Yes! Metallica rules!

Butt-head

They rule.

Beavis

[singing along] Dunununuh! Dunununuh! Darkness! Imprisoning me! I cannot live! I cannot die!

Butt-head

Shut up, Beavis!

Beavis

Oh. Sorry, man.

Butt-head

Uh, this is like, those instructions you get when you try to buy a bed at IKEA.

Beavis

Oh, yeah. The bed shouldn't have instructions. Except for like, "sleep" and "get it on."

Butt-head

Yeah, really. That's why I stole this couch.

Butt-head

Uh... remember when you were little and your mom tried to lose you at IKEA?

Beavis

Oh, yeah, yeah! She's like, um... "just lay down and take a nap right here, Beavis. Everything's gonna be fine."

Butt-head

And then she couldn't find her way out and kept running into you again.

Beavis

Yeah, she wanted to go to Las Vegas with the bikers.

Butt-head

Yeah. They finally found her fighting in the parking lot.

Beavis

Oh yeah. And then they made me, um, go live with that family, um... the Fosters. Yeah.

Butt-head

Uh... is that a lesbian or a Mexican?

Beavis

Um... you're not supposed to say those words, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Uh... really?

Beavis

Remember that guidance counselor came and told us that those were both bad words?

Butt-head

Uh... oh yeah. He said those words were like, intolerable or something.

Butt-head

Uh... I think this is a diagram that shows how the butt works.

Beavis

Yeah, it's the digestive system of a lesbian. I mean, uh, oh. Dammit.

Butt-head

Whoa! They gave a poopsicle to that kid!

Butt-Head

Uhhh, is this 16 and Pregnant?

Beavis

No no no no. I've seen all of those. Plus she already has a baby, so this is probably, um, Teen Mom season 3! I've seen all of seasons 1 and 2!

Butt-Head

She's a lousy mom.

Beavis

Is this Florida?

Butt-Head

Uhhh... [monsters and zombie-looking people around] Yup, that's Florida. Florida sucks.

Butt-Head

She made this little kid cry just so he could be in this video.

Beavis

Yeah that's messed up. What kind of parent would let their kid be in this video?!

Butt-Head

Yeah! They're like, "Okay son, now there's gonna be some scary monsters, and some creepy people putting their hands on you, but you should be able to handle it because you're like...uh, one and a half."

Beavis

"Yeah, you're one now! It's time you start pulling your weight around here!"

Beavis

This chick looks familiar.

Butt-head

Oh yeah. She was in that movie.

Beavis

Oh yeah, that movie...it was the second one. The second one of that first one where that dude was choking his chicken on that rock.