Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Is this another video with big Muppets?

Beavis

Yeah. Yeah, here we go. Seems like they have these, like, big bird things in every video now.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

I was just thinking, you know, you ever notice, um...Big Bird? He never poops.

Butt-head

Uh, yeah.

Beavis

Yeah, it's like, they should have him poop. Then it'd be more realistic.

Butt-head

[laughs] Then Big Bird could have a big turd.

Beavis

[laughs] Oh yeah, that's pretty good, Butt-head!

Butt-head

I'm pretty funny.

Beavis

You know, if I was a big bird, I'd fly around in the sky and stuff, and then, like, fly over people and poop on their lunch. I'd be like [imitates dive-bomber] "Nyaaaaaaaaanyaaaaa-poop!-nyaaaaaaaanyaaaaa-poop!"

Butt-head

That would be cool.

Beavis

Yeah, that would rule. Actually, y'know I probably could do that without being a bird. It's like, I could go into the cafeteria, and just like stand up on the table, y'know, and pull down my pants and like, go around while people are eating their lunch and just go "Poop!"

Butt-head

Okay, settle down, Beavis.

Beavis

And run over there and go "Poop!" A little "Poop!" over there.

Butt-head

That's enough.

Beavis

It's chicken-fried steak! Poop!

Butt-head

Uhh...this is kinda irritating.

Beavis

Hehe, yeah. I bet this is one of those songs that, like, it sucks right now, but then later on it starts rocking.

Butt-head

Uhh, how do you know?

Beavis

Cause, that one guy's got a goatee.

Butt-head

Uhh, oh. Well, let's see. [the chorus starts, but it doesn't start rocking] Uuuuhhhh!!! Is that what you're talking about, Beavis?

Beavis

What's going on?

Butt-head

What the hell is going on here?

Beavis

Yeah, what...what is this??

Butt-head

[imitates an arpeggio in the song] Dududududududuh-daaaaaaaaahhh!!!

Butt-head

This is like that easy listening stuff.

Beavis

Oh yeah. How come they call that easy listening, when it's like, it's really hard to listen to? It makes me sick!

Butt-head

Dammit Beavis, you promised that this would start rocking!

Beavis

I didn't promise, Butt-head, I said maybe it would start rocking!

Butt-head

Well, maybe I'm gonna smack you upside the head, dumbass.

Beavis

Well, I'm gonna kick your ass, I promise. Butthole.

Butt-head

[[sings in imitation again] Uhh...dududududududuh-daaaahhh!!! How come these guys suck so much?

Beavis

Yeah. They dress up like they're gonna rock, but then they just suck!

Butt-head

Yeah. These guys are like a cross between Stone Temple Pilots and...

Beavis

Yeah, and my nads...

Butt-head

Nelson, and...

Beavis

And my butt...

Butt-head

Billy Joel, and like, uhh...

Beavis

And some turds...

Butt-head

Eddie Rabbitt...

Butt-head

This looks like that movie, One Flew In the Cuckoo's Nest.

Beavis

Oh yeah, where they got those guys from Taxi, only they're retarded.

Butt-head

Uhh, you know, I heard you're not supposed to call them retarded. You're supposed to call them...uhh, mentally superior or something.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Beavis

Remember that big Indian dude in that movie?

Butt-head

Mm-hm.

Beavis

He was cool. And then he couldn't talk unless he was talking about gum.

Butt-head

Uhh, I think you're not supposed to call them Indian either.

Beavis

No way, really?

Butt-head

Yeah. You're supposed to call them African American.

Butt-head

This reminds me of that joke, where the guy goes to the psychiatrist's office, and he goes "Doctor, my wife thinks she's a chicken". And then the doctor says "Then why don't you choke her?"

Beavis

Oh yeah. [imitates chicken] Bawk-ba-bawk!

Beavis

Check it out, he's watching TV.

Butt-head

Yeah! And it's like, we're watching TV, so it's like, we're watching two TVs for the price of one.

Beavis

Um ... what two TVs? I don't understand.

Butt-head

Beavis, we're watching TV, and then there's another TV in the TV.

Beavis

Oh. There's like a TV inside the TV? Let's break it open and find it! Yeah!

Butt-head

Boy, Beavis. You're stupid.

Beavis

Well, well...okay.

Butt-head

Look at his mouth.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. It's all encrustulated with grobiels of feces.

Butt-head

See what I mean, Beavis? You got like, some problem of something.

Beavis

Yeah well, your, uh... your mom, you uh, your mom ... yeah.

Beavis

Oh, look at the monkey! You know what they should do? They should like, break that couch. They should like, just rip it up. Like, break it.

Butt-head

Uh ... yeah.

Beavis

Yeah, like that!

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! BREAK IT! RIP IT!

Butt-head

Break it!

Beavis

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

Butt-head

Yes!

Beavis

GET IN THERE

Butt-head

Kick it! Kick the couch!

Beavis

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! No, no no, don't stop!

Butt-head

Don't stop!

Beavis

Don't stop, dammit!

Butt-head

Quitters never win!

Beavis

Whoa, is this Faces of Death 3?!

Butt-head

Uhhh, no, it's just a video. Butthole.

Beavis

Hey, how come this guy's wearing a dress?

Butt-head

Because he's doing his laundry, dumbass.

Beavis

Oh, really?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! BUT MMMEEEEEEEEEEEE-AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Butt-head

That sucked, Beavis.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head, it was cool!