Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep.

Butt-head

She said "deep."

Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep!

Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep!

Choke me in the shallow water before I get too...

...deep!

Beavis

This chick is deep.

What I am is what I am...

Butt-head

"What I am." Didn't Popeye say that?

Beavis

Yeah! They ripped this off from Popeye.

Beavis

Whoa, check it out, he has an eyeball in his mouth.

Butt-head

That would be cool if you had, like, an eyeball in your butt. And then you could like, uh-

Beavis

Ah, shut up, Butt-head, you always say stuff like that.

Butt-head

Beavis, I'm gonna shove your eyeballs up your butt sideways if you ever tell me to shut up again.

Beavis

Heh, oh oh yeah.

Butt-head

Uh, these dudes look too old to be trick or treating.

Beavis

Maybe they were like, um, you know how sometimes the kids' dads gets dressed up too?

Butt-head

Yeah, dads.

Beavis

Or uh, nads.

Butt-head

Remember that time your mom had that Halloween party?

Beavis

Oh yeah. Don't talk about that Butt-head.

Butt-head

Then we went in your mom's room, and that dude dressed up like Colonel Sanders was in there. He didn't have any pants on.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head.

Butt-head

His "drumstick".

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! [starts laughing] Oh yeah yeah. Oh yeah! His drumstick.

Butt-head

Look, it's Batman.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Anyways, um, whoa cool, cops, yeah! Maybe we'll see some domestic disputes! Or like some excessive force on some perpetrators!

Butt-head

It's about time somebody called the cops. This video sucks.

Girl fight tonight!

Beavis

Yeah! Girl fight! Chicks! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Here are some chicks!

Butt-head

Uh...not so fast, Beavis. These aren't chicks. This is like, that beer commercial where those poor dudes come in and it's like, ladies night, and they're dressed up like chicks.

Beavis

Um...no way, really?

Butt-head

Yeah. It's really dumb.

Beavis

No way Butt-head! Um...really?

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Um...boy, he has pretty nice boobs for a dude.

Butt-head

Um...yeah, I guess so.

Butt-head

[After Julie pulls a switchblade on a girl] Whoa! Check it out, she's got a boner switchblade.

Beavis

Cool! [Girl who got threatened backs against a wall] I'll save you baby, I'll save you! As long as you do it with me. It's like one of those movies where they're kicking ass at a restaurant and a guy says "Your crab style very good, but it no match for my crane style!"

Butt-head

Yeah, except this is a beer commercial.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Beavis

I like when girls fight, 'cause they're like "She called me a bitch, and I said you're a slut, well we'll go outside and see who the slut is, bitch!"

Butt-head

Settle down, Beavis.

That's right, you slut!

Beavis

Yeah, you slut!

I'm gonna rip out your hairs one by one!

Beavis

Yeah, bitch!

Butt-head

They should have done this in the beginning of the video!

Beavis

Uh, wait a minute, wait a minute...ooh, I've seen these guys before.

Butt-head

No you haven't, Beavis, we've never seen this.

Beavis

Yes I have. AAH!! Like, I've been having nightmares about these guys. What is this??? Come on, Butt-head, change it, this is freaking me out.

Butt-head

Beavis, you wuss.

Beavis

[a Bubbleman stares at the television] AAAHH, LOOK, HE'S LOOKING AT ME!!

Butt-head

How can you be scared of these guys?

Beavis

You don't understand, Butt-head. You haven't seen what these guys do. I have these nightmares, it's like they tie me to a chair, and then it's like, they dance around me and look at me going "Doing doing doing doing doing", and then they get medieval on my ass. [a Bubbleman waves] AAAH, HE'S WAVING AT ME!! And it's like, they're smiling because they know what they're gonna do to me. And you know what else freaks me out? It's like, they have nads on their heads, see? [the Bubblemen dance onto a stage with microphones] See, they're just dancing around now, but pretty soon, they're gonna do it.

Butt-head

Beavis, those aren't nads. Those are like, uh, antennas.

Beavis

Well, how do you know there aren't like, nads inside the antennas? [the Bubblemen are now playing with a beach ball] AAAH NO, NOT THE BEACH BALL!!!! NO!! AAAAAAGGGGGHHH!!! Besides, it's like, I think they use those antennas to receive evil messages.

Butt-head

Beavis, you wussy!

Beavis

Oh good, I think it's over. Ahh.

Butt-head

Uhh...who's this?

Beavis

This is Buk-a-hey!

Butt-head

Uhh, okay.

Beavis

Whoa, is this supposed to be a dream?

Butt-head

Uhh...no, this dude really lives like this.

Beavis

Whoa, that's cool.

Butt-head

It's like, if you were scoring with two chicks at the same time in real life, what would you dream about? Cause all I dream about now is scoring.

Beavis

Well, if I was scoring with two chicks at the same time in real life, then I would dream about scoring with three chicks. And if I was scoring with three chicks, I'd dream about scoring with, um...FOUR! Four chicks!

Butt-head

And then if I had five chicks at the same time, I'd just put my face in all their buttcheeks and go blblblblblb.

Butt-head

Whoa! Her butt looks better in pants than most chicks butts look naked.

Beavis

[quickly] Her butt looks better in pants than most chicks butts look naked. Her butt looks better in pants than most chicks butts look naked. Her butt looks better in pants than most chicks butts look naked.

Beavis

Whoa, check it out, he's sleeping with a pig!

Butt-head

Yeah, so what, Beavis?

Beavis

I'm just trying to make conversation! Bunghole!

Butt-head

Well why don't you make it somewhere else, bungwipe?