Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

This is a happy little tune.

Beavis

Can you change the channel, Butt-head?

Butt-head

Hey, is that that dude who's the host on Family Feud?

Beavis

Oh yeah. Survey SAID!!! Pretty good, huh?

Butt-head

Name the place where I usually kick Beavis.

Beavis

Um, nads?

Butt-head

Survey SAID!!! [imitates buzzer] Buuuuhhhhh!!!! I'm sorry, the correct answer was "ass".

Beavis

Damn it.

Butt-head

And I have to kick you there right now. [smacks Beavis]

Beavis

AAHH! Cut it out, butthole! Family Feud sucks.

Butt-head

Yeah, [scoffs] families.

I get up when I want, except on Wednesdays, when I get rudely wakened by the dustmen...

Butt-head

What the hell language is he speaking?

Beavis

I don't know. It's like, I can hear some American words in there, but then, it's like, I can't really tell what he's saying.

Butt-head

Yeah. This must be English. [Beavis utters mock British gibberish] England sucks. You know those asswipes the Beatles? They ruined music!

Butt-head

How come all these dudes have to put an ice cream truck in their video?

Beavis

I don't know. I guess it's like...whoa, whoa, slap him!

Michael, are you crazy?

Butt-head

Uh, Michael who?

Beavis

Michael Jackson?

Beavis

Oh my god, it's Michael Bolton!

Butt-head

No it's not. [embarrased] Uhh...uh oh.

Beavis

What, what?

Butt-head

I think I just pooped in my pants.

Beavis

No way, really?

Butt-head

I realized it was Michael Bolton, and my bowels let loose.

Beavis

Boy, it's like, he's trying to play heavy metal now or something.

Butt-head

He can probably make any kind of music suck.

Beavis

Yeah, it's like, he's probably gonna do gangsta rap next, probably like [does a bad imitation of Michael Bolton] "Droppin' plates on yo ass, bee-otch!"

Butt-head

Yeah. Then he'd put the smackdown.

Beavis

How come chicks like this dude so much?

Butt-head

There's some snakes and bombs in this. Maybe he has a bomb in his pants!

Beavis

Well, you know, um, you have a BM in your pants. So like, maybe you could, like, y'know, go up to a chick and say, uh, "Yeah, I have a bi-em in my pants".

Butt-head

Beavis, I was just kidding. I didn't poop in my pants. Dumbass.

Butt-head

Uh!

Beavis

UUAUGH!!!! AAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Butt-head

UUHH!!!

Beavis

CHANGE IT, BUTT-HEAD!!!!

Butt-head

AUGH!

Beavis

CHANGE IT!!!! COME ON!!!!

Butt-head

Augh!

Beavis

COME ON, BUTT-HEAD, CHANGE IT, CHANGE IT!!!!!!!!!

Butt-head

Come on, Beavis, just check it out.

Beavis

[butting in] CHANGE IT!!! Aah!

Butt-head

I think this is one of those, like, coffee commercials. [singing badly] THE BEST PART OF WAKING UP!

Beavis

"Remember that café in Paris?"

Butt-head

Yeah!

"JEAN PIERE!"

Butt-head

This sucks!

Beavis

Yeah really!

Beavis

AAGH!

Butt-head

UUGH!

Beavis

NO!

Butt-head

Check this out! What a wuss!

Butt-head

Is that Bridget Fonda?

Beavis

Yeah! Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda! My anaconda don't want none unless it's got buns, hun!

Butt-head

"I'm a cowboy".

Beavis

Yeah, "Riding his steel horse, across the great wuss plains!"

Baby, I want you!

Beavis

[mockingly] BABY, I WANT YOOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!! LIKE THE ROSES WANT THE RAIN!!

Butt-head

"Like the roses want the rain"? [pauses] That's stupid!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! Hey Butt-head, remember when these guys were cool?

Butt-head

Uhhhhhhhhhhh, no? You probably like these guys! Wuss!

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head, I hate these guys! I was thinkin' of like, somebody else.

Butt-head

[scoffing] Bon Jovi.

Beavis

But you know, this song, it's kind of, um...uh...never mind.

Butt-head

Uhh, what?

Beavis

Well, I was just gonna say, you know, this song, I mean...you know, it sucks, but there's this one part that I kinda like where it kinda goes [sings] "Give me something for the pain..."

Butt-head

Uhh, what did you say, Beavis?

Beavis

Well, no, I'm just saying...you know, I kinda like this one part of the song where it goes [sings] "Give me something for the pain..." [Butt-head slaps Beavis multiple times] Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Cut it out, bunghole!

Butt-head

I'm doing it for your own good, Beavis. You were starting to like this song.

Beavis

Well, no, I mean, I still think Bon Jovi sucks, but I just kinda think this song, you know, it kind of, um...there's just this one part that kind of, like...[Butt-head repeatedly slaps Beavis again]

Butt-head

If you say one more good thing about Bon Jovi, I'm gonna really smack the bejesus out of you.

Beavis

Okay, so it sucks. But it doesn't suck as much as...[Butt-head repeatedly slaps Beavis again] Cut it out! Damn it, Butt-head! Bon Jovi rules! [kicks Butt-head in the testicles] Bunghole!

Butt-head

Dammit, Beavis!

Beavis

Take that! Yeah, I like this song.

Butt-head

This sucks. And as soon as my nads feel better, I'm gonna beat the living crap outta you. [Beavis kicks him in the testicles again] AAAAHHH!!!

Beavis

You can't tell me what sucks! I like this, so blow it up your ass!

Beavis

[Referring to Edie, who is squatting] She's pinching a loaf.

Butt-head

That's disgusting!

Butt-head

She's married to that short, old guy.

Beavis

Oh yeah. That guy from Africa that used to be in The Beatles.