Butt-headThis is that, Bee-ork chick...
I heard she has a, you know, like, a schlong.
Butt-head
Where did you hear that?
Butt-head
What guy?
This guy in the bathroom.
Butt-head
You mean in the bathroom at school?
No, the bathroom right here. Right here in this house.
Butt-head
What are you talking about, Beavis?
There's this dude who's in there sometimes. I'm serious. He's probably still there, he was there this morning.
Butt-head
Damn it Beavis. There's no one in there.
Yes there is, Butt-head. Go check it out.
Butt-head
Beavis, you're a bunghole. [exits. the sound of a door opening can be heard] Uhh...Beavis, flush the toilet next time! [re-enters] There wasn't anybody in there.
Hm. Usually he's in the mirror.
Butt-head
Uhh...does he look like a buttmunch?
Butt-head
Does he have like blond hair?
Yeah, yeah, that's him. Yeah.
Butt-head
And does he kinda talk like this? [does a bad impression of Beavis] "Oh yeah, uh huh huh huh."
Yeah, yeah! Kinda like that. "Yeah, yeah, björk has a dong".
Butt-head
Dumbass.
Björk, Big Time Sensuality
Butt-head
No, dumbass. That's a chick. She's got his haircut, though.
Butt-head
She's like one of those drama club teachers.
They're always trying to get you to prance around like some kind of wussy.
Butt-head
Yeah, it's like they say: "Be a tree".
"Now be a sad tree, now be a happy tree".
Butt-head
Man, this chick is out of her gourd.
She's like completely whacked out.
Butt-head
I can't really blame her, because, like, some of these weird chicks makes tons of money.
Butt-head
Yeah, it's not like they are going around saying: "We need a normal chick to dance on a truck."
Butt-head
Whoa, she's grabbing her crotch!
Oh yeah. Butt-head, I though chicks didn't have a crotch.
Butt-head
No, dumbass. You're thinking of nads
No, I'm thinking of the crotch actually. But, some girls have a crotch? I'll be damned.
Black Crowes, High Head Blues
Whoa, cool! That's just like that spaceship I was telling you about, Butt-head!
Butt-head
Uh, what spaceship?
Y'know, that one that landed right outside my window? And then like, these dudes came in the house and like, hypmotized me, and then like, took me into space and stuff. See, check out these marks on my leg. This is where they tried to esperiment on me.
Butt-head
Beavis, that's where you got a gravel burn tryin' to look cool on your bike!
Oh yeah, yeah, that's right.
Butt-head
And you looked like a dork.
Yeah, that wasn't too good, yeah.
Whoa! Check it out, Butt-head, they're gonna put him in the oven! AH!
Butt-head
Yeah. They're putting him in the oven 'cause no one likes him anymore.
Um, I still kinda like him, but um, but y'know, I think it's cool that they're gonna put him in the oven. Y'know.
Who are these little guys?
Butt-head
Uh, I think these are like the Seminiferous Nadclobial Buttnoids?
Oh yeah, the Seminiferous Buttcloids from outer space. Yeah, yeah that's what they are.
Butt-head
They're gonna climb inside his mouth and walk down to his wiener!
Yeah, this is gonna be cool. Y'know if, um, if those Seminiferous Nadial Globial Buttnoids had to walk down my mouth and like, all the way down to my wiener, that would be a long walk! Know what I'm saying? Y'know?
Butt-head
Yeah. And then they'd probably get lost and come out your bunghole.
Yeah, and then I could poop 'em out! Poop!
Butt-head
Remember that time your mom's cat ate all that string? And then for like a week he had, like, poop on a rope.
Oh yeah, that was cool! It was like sausage links! That ruled.
Blues Traveler, Run Around
Butt-head
Uh...I think this is Blues Traveler.
No it's not! Where's that big fat dude?
Butt-head
I think that's him, Beavis. I think he just like, lost a lot of weight.
Dammit, that pisses me off! Everybody keeps getting skinny!
Butt-head
Yeah. He looked better when he was a big, fat slob on stage going blblblblblblblblblbl.
Yeah. His stomach was hanging over his pants, going blblblblblblblblblbl.
Butt-head
No Beavis! I'm fingering my lips. Blblblblblblblblblbl-big fat dude-blblblblblbl.
Remember that cartoon that had that big, fat dude in it and he used to go "Hey Hey Hey!"?
Butt-head
Oh yeah. And then they had that friend with his eyes cut out of his hat and he would go [In wobbling voice] Hey blblblbaby-let's go aroun-blblblblblblblblbl!
Yeah. See, they used to have cool cartoons! Cartoons now just suck.
I don't think Dorothy was this hot in the movie.
Butt-head
Chicks were all like ugly in olden times...it was like, really messed up.
I guess that's why old dudes are like all cranky and stuff. They're like [imitating an old man's voice] "Back in my day, you'd hardly ever get wood watching TV..." [babbles incoherently]
Blur, Chemical World
Whoa, that guy's touching his wiener!!!
Butt-head
So? You are too!
Yeah! Oh, oh yeah! But that's different.
Butt-head
What's different about it?
Um, it's a different wiener!
Butt-head
Yeah, it's probably bigger too.
Whoa, check it out. I-I'd like to try peeing on a snail some time. Tha-that'd be cool, yeah!
Butt-head
You wanna pee on a snail?
Yeah, yeah, it's like, like, I'd like to pee anywhere outside, but y'know, I just feel like, y'know, peeing on a snail, y'know, ehhh that'd be something different.
Butt-head
Uhhhhh, how 'bout peeing in the toilet?
Heh, oh yeah. I haven't done that in a while.
[a goat appears on screen]
Butt-head
Check it out, a wolf.
Whoa, really? I'd like to try peeing on a wolf some time, yeah that'd be cool.
Butt-head
Beavis, if you tried to pee on a wolf, he would bite your wiener off!
Ohhhh yeah. I'd like to try maybe peeing on one of these guys, some time, y'know like, while they're asleep?
Butt-head
Yeah, you must get tired of peeing on yourself all the time.
Shut up, Butt-head. Y'know, when I was like, y'know, talkin' about peeing on those wolves and stuff?
Butt-head
Uh-huh?
I wasn't really gonna do it, y'know. It just like, y'know, it like, helps to talk about it.
Blur, Parklife
Beavis and Butt-Head · 2,204 quotes